I Got Married At 50 — It Was Worth The Wait

Dating has always been a battlefield. As a Gen X-er, I’ve gone through it all – meeting people in person, speed dating and more recently, the endless swiping on dating apps.

As online dating became popular, I picked up new vocabulary like ghosting, breadcrumbing and catfishing. Some people string you along for six months before disappearing. Others want an open relationship. There are also married men in the mix. And an unfortunate few are simply scammers.

I was almost ready to delete all of my apps, because dating fatigue was draining me. In fact, I went through periods of abstaining from online dating.

My life has always been filled with secure relationships even without a partner. I have many close friends who I travel with, and work as an independent public relations consultant keeps me busy. I never felt pressured to tie the knot.

Still, the loneliness crept in, especially during festive occasions like Christmas and New Year. I wanted to have a better half to share my life with. So I told myself, one last try. That was when I found Domennic on Tinder in January 2024.

The swipe that changed everything

Domennic’s sister had helped him set up his profile. I hesitated before swiping right. He was six feet tall (a great plus), but he’s also Chinese. In the past, people have said that my personality was “too much” for Chinese men, so I had tended to date expats.

But curiosity and hope got the better of me, and I’m glad to have given him a chance.

We hit it off immediately, first on chat and then in person. People who know us will say he is like the boy version of me. We’re both tanned and tattooed, and even dress similarly – we share clothes sometimes. I also admire his creative vision as a photography hobbyist (though he currently works in hospitality). Most importantly, we have the same sense of humour and similar values.

One of the biggest green flags was that we communicated on WhatsApp. Experience tells me that if a guy only wants to chat via other apps like Telegram, you’re probably the sidepiece.

Domennic was open and honest right from the start. We chatted throughout the day and he’d send me pictures of where he was and let me know what he was doing. That was before we even saw each other in person.

Even after we met up (within three days of chatting), he never played it cool like many other guys. Right after we parted ways, he texted me in the cab to say how much he enjoyed himself, and again the next morning. He treated me the way I wanted to be treated. I didn’t experience anything like that from other men I met through online apps.

It felt like the most romantic thing in the world at the time. I felt like a teenager who was giddy in love.

Red flags are overrated

On paper though, Domennic may not appear to be a catch. He is a divorcee, and was restarting life with little money and zero illusions. He wasn’t the “safe” choice.

But which 46-year-old person doesn’t come with baggage? I sure have my own issues, though they look different from his.

Nevertheless, I wasn’t blindly trusting. After all, I had dated over 30 guys from online apps and knew not everyone has good intentions.

But I was determined to separate circumstances from character. He was mature, emotionally stable, loving, down-to-earth and transparent. When I kept asking (in many different ways) about his past relationships, he answered them no holds barred.

These are qualities that matter much more than finances or a picture-perfect past.

I didn’t tell my friends about our relationship until I was sure he could stand his ground with them. A few months after we met, he met my closest friends one by one – they can be a tough crowd – and passed their “tests” with flying colours.

We met each other’s parents early on too. My mother immediately took a liking to him.

The most unromantic romantic proposal

In January this year, just before our anniversary, Domennic gave me a promise ring, cheesy but so sweet. He wanted to assure me that he’s sincere about having a future with me.

Then in March, he made it official – while he was driving me in a car.

He passed me a little dispenser with a blue M&M on top, my favourite M&M colour. The vessel made a clinking sound, and when I opened it, there it was – the engagement ring. I turned to look at him and started tearing up. The proposal was unassuming and private, just the way I would have wanted it.

True to our style, the wedding in September was intentionally low-key.

We invited only our pastor and closest friends to the Registry of Marriages. Though our parents had opted out, they gave us their blessings, saying: “As long as you’re happy, we’re happy.” We are planning to hold a proper party for relatives and friends in time to come.

We are walking each other home

Time is precious. At best, we still have 30 good years with each other. We’re not thinking about having children or chasing careers, but how to spend more time with each other. We both serve in church and volunteer together at a social service agency. We hope to undertake mission work together one day.

We’re really planning our sunset days and that’s meaningful to me.

I legally took his surname because I wanted us to be one family, one unit. That may be old-fashioned to some people – even Domennic was surprised, given how independent I am as a person – but it feels right.

I had always made it clear from the start that I was dating to get married. If a man really loves me and wants to be with me, it shouldn’t be difficult to sign a piece of paper and proudly tell the world, “this is my person”.

I’m glad Domennic is on the same page as I am. Now at the old age of 50, I’m not just happy – I am happily Mrs Chan.