“I Had 3 IVF Cycles & 4 Miscarriages” — How They Built Their Family Against The Odds

Cariscia, 38, is a regional training manager for a well-known cosmetics brand. Having grown up in a big family, she has always loved the warmth, noise and liveliness of a bustling household.

Her husband, Gabriel, 39, is a media data technician at a technology company. The couple have been married for 13 years. Today, they are parents to four children aged between three and 12.

But their journey to becoming a family of six was far from straightforward.

After getting married, Cariscia welcomed two children. Later, she faced secondary infertility, pregnancy loss and multiple rounds of IVF before eventually welcoming their other two children. The process took a heavy physical and emotional toll, but through it all, Gabriel stood by her side — offering both practical and emotional support, and becoming her biggest pillar of strength.

When asked if caring for four children is exhausting, their answer is simple: absolutely.

But for them, it is also the ordinary moments of family life — caring for the children, laughing together and sharing the small, precious parts of each day — that keep them moving forward as a couple and as a family.

To Cariscia, Gabriel is the ultimate teammate at home. He is never absent from the big or small moments. Over the years, she has watched him grow from someone with an irregular lifestyle into a devoted dad and husband who, no matter how busy he is, still makes time every day to drive the family around, manage school runs and handle household duties.

It is this consistency and dedication, day after day, that she admires and appreciates most.

Cariscia shared their story in the Parents’ Day social media campaign jointly organised by Nuyou Singapore and The Singapore Women’s Weekly, in collaboration with Holistic Way (Singapore’s No. 1 Health Supplement Brand*).

The campaign invited participants to share heartfelt stories around the theme of care, and Cariscia’s entry emerged the winner in the couples’ category. As part of the prize, they received a year’s supply of Holistic Way health supplements worth S$3,000, along with a magazine feature and a professional photoshoot.

Read their story about supporting each other through different stages of life, getting through difficult times together, and building the family they’ve always dreamed of.

From falling in love to building a family together, what quality do you admire most about Gabriel? 

Cariscia: We weren’t the kind of couple who fell in love at first sight.

We first met in 2007, when my twin sister was filming her graduation project. Gabriel was her classmate from the film faculty at Lasalle College of the Arts.

Our personalities couldn’t be more different. He’s driven, action-oriented and always ready to take on a challenge, while I’m much more cautious.

Even today, I can’t quite pinpoint why I fell in love with him! (Laughs) But his gentlemanly demeanour and kind-heartedness have always been what drew me to him.

Having four children isn’t very common in Singapore. What discussions and adjustments did you have to make?

Cariscia: I grew up in a big family, so I’ve always dreamt of having a lively home filled with people. Even after our first two children were born, I still felt that something was missing.

Gabriel, on the other hand, is an only child. To him, having one child would have been enough.

But eventually, he understood that this had always been my dream — to give our children siblings to grow up with, and to create a home that is always full of laughter and life. He chose to make my dream his own.

When the subsidy for my third round of IVF was available, I decided to take the leap — and successfully conceived twins.

Our home is definitely noisy every single day (laughs), but it is also filled with happiness. Our four children bring a wonderful kind of chaos, and they have become our greatest source of emotional support.

There was a period when Gabriel struggled professionally, and it was our children who gave him the courage to keep going. They helped him rediscover his purpose in life.

You went through three rounds of IVF. What was the hardest part of that journey?

Cariscia: The hardest part wasn’t just the treatments, including the ones that failed. It was the unsolicited pressure from some family members who weren’t supportive at the time.

After going through unsuccessful IUI and IVF treatments, enduring the physical pain of Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome, and carrying such an enormous emotional and physical burden, what hurt even more was having to face other people’s judgment.

Thankfully, my husband never stopped supporting me.

In total, I experienced four miscarriages.

The first was an ectopic pregnancy, which became so severe that my fallopian tube ruptured. I had to undergo surgery to remove one of my tubes.

The second was a chemical pregnancy, which led to an early miscarriage.

The third miscarriage required a dilation and curettage procedure because the pregnancy tissue was not completely expelled naturally.

The fourth happened when I was pregnant with my second son. I was carrying twins, but one baby’s development stopped after eight weeks — a condition known as Vanishing Twin Syndrome.

At the time, Gabriel was busy building his own film production company, so he couldn’t always be physically by my side. But he made sure I never felt alone.

Between filming sessions, he constantly called and texted to check on me. He reminded me to eat, and stayed on the phone whenever he could because he knew every treatment was frightening and emotionally draining.

Whenever he managed to make time, he would personally drive to the hospital to pick me up. He knew how physically weak I would be after each treatment, and always made sure I got home safely.

Although he couldn’t attend every appointment, every thoughtful gesture reminded me that he was always there for me.

What support from your husband has stayed with you the most?

Cariscia: No matter how difficult or painful things became, he never gave up on our family or our marriage. His steady presence and commitment have been my greatest support.

Do you ever have different parenting styles?

Cariscia: We come from completely different backgrounds and have very different personalities, so parenting together hasn’t always been easy. But over the years, we’ve gradually found a rhythm that works for us.

We’re both very involved when it comes to spending time with the children, but in different ways.

Gabriel is the family’s steady anchor. Whenever the children have problems, he’s the person they go to for advice because he gives them a sense of security and direction.

I’m the disciplinarian. I’m responsible for setting boundaries and establishing rules.

The children know exactly who to turn to, depending on the situation. If it’s about food, cooking or recipes, they’ll go straight to Dad. If they want to talk, share their feelings or seek emotional support, they’ll come to me.

We also remind each other when it’s time to be stricter or when it’s better to be more gentle. Of course… (laughs) sometimes it also depends on what kind of mood we’re in.

How would you describe each other’s strengths and weaknesses?

Cariscia: I think my husband is generous, humble and genuinely kind-hearted.

As for his weaknesses, he’s not the best communicator, he dislikes confrontation, and sometimes he’s a little unrealistic (laughs) because he’s such a dreamer.

Gabriel: She’s incredibly empathetic, intelligent and remarkably resilient.

Her weaknesses? (Laughs) She can be impulsive, quick-tempered, and sometimes overthinks the same issue for too long.

How has becoming parents changed both of you? What has surprised or touched you most?

Cariscia: The biggest change is that we’ve learned to put our family before ourselves.

Many of the things young couples usually hope to have or experience, we’ve gradually chosen to let go of so we can spend more time, energy and resources on our children.

After everything we’ve been through, Gabriel has become much more patient than he used to be.

What surprises me most is that he can now sometimes read my emotions. His survival instincts have clearly improved! He knows when I need comfort, and when I simply need some space.

Gabriel, how did you become the family’s healthy home chef?

Gabriel: I actually wasn’t much of a cook before.

It wasn’t until our second child was born and we moved into a home with a larger kitchen that I really started cooking.

I wouldn’t say every meal I prepare is perfectly healthy. As a family, we still enjoy indulgent, high-calorie food from time to time.

But as I watched our children grow, I became more convinced that balanced nutrition is essential — not only for building strong immunity, but also for supporting healthy development and giving them the energy they need every day.

Take a simple spaghetti bolognese, for example. For a richer flavour, I could easily add more salt, sugar or stock cubes.

Instead, I simmer chicken bones for 10 hours to make a collagen-rich broth that naturally enhances the flavour. I also finely chop a variety of vegetables so the kids can get more nutrients without even noticing, which helps avoid picky eating.

It definitely takes more effort, but I believe that putting in that extra care not only makes the food taste better, it also gives my family more complete nutrition.

As a mother of four, how do you prioritise your own health?

Cariscia: Everything I’ve gone through has left its mark on my body.

My stomach is no longer as flat as it once was. My skin has become looser, my thighs have changed, and my hair isn’t as thick as before. These are all physical changes that come with becoming a mother.

I think many mums naturally put their own health last. It almost becomes part of parenting. You tell yourself that if you can just keep pushing a little longer, the whole family will continue functioning smoothly.

Recently, during a company health screening, I was diagnosed with adult-onset asthma. Because my lungs weren’t getting enough oxygen, I had occasionally been experiencing dizziness.

That health check was a wake-up call. It made me realise it was time to seriously start looking after myself again, so I immediately signed up for Pilates classes.

How did you learn to take care of yourself again?

Cariscia: When my husband heard about my diagnosis, he said something I’ll never forget: “Darling, if anything happened to you, I honestly wouldn’t know what to do. I don’t think I can raise all four children on my own.”

He was exaggerating, of course. But just imagining that situation made me realise our children’s lives would probably descend into complete chaos! (Laughs)

So I started learning to let go a little.

I entrusted the kids to our domestic helper and my parents-in-law for a few hours at a time, so I could focus on my own physical and mental well-being.

For me, that was the first step towards learning to love myself again.

How have your husband and family supported you through this?

Cariscia: My father-in-law, Louis, and mother-in-law, Wendy, willingly help care for the children so Gabriel and I can spend quality time together — whether that means working out, going on dates or simply finding a quiet place to sit and talk.

Gabriel is also incredibly understanding. If my workout schedule clashes with his boxing class, he’ll happily stay home with the children so I can enjoy my 45 minutes of exercise without worrying about anything.

Say something to each other that you don’t often say out loud

Cariscia: Darling, I think you’re at your sexiest when you’re committed to staying active. And seeing you patiently teach our children boxing makes you even more attractive! (Laughs)

Gabriel: To my wife, who always looks younger than her age, I feel incredibly fortunate to have such a strong, creative and beautiful life partner. Most importantly, thank you for being the best mother our children could ever have.

(Laughs) Actually, we’re the kind of couple who say “I love you” often and tease each other all the time — even when the kids are around.

As parents and working professionals, Cariscia and Gabriel juggle the demands of family and career every day. They believe that taking care of themselves allows them to better care for the people they love.

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This article is brought to you by Nuyou Singapore and The Singapore Women’s Weekly, in partnership with Holistic Way.

Photographer: Lawrence Teo
Art Director: Paul Soi
Stylist: Donson Chan
Hairstylist: Aaron Ng, Decorum Salon
Makeup: Sveta Klyn, The Suburbs Studio