Motherhood brings unique joys and pains to every mum, and we are better off acknowledging that. In this series called Mum Truths, mums reveal their secret successes, miseries and gripes about parenting in a no-holds-barred first-person recount.

Recently, we posted an op-ed from a new mum lamenting that four months’ maternity leave isn’t enough. A friend of mine, I have heard that her company was not very accommodating to her new “role”. They strongly valued performance and showing face in the office, over giving her the time she needed to get used to being a mother and learning how to divide her time between her new son and her old job.

That’s not the first time I’ve heard a new mother raise concerns about going back to work. In a breastfeeding mum’s Facebook group I’m a part of, I’ve seen new mums lament that their offices have nowhere for them to pump, or no fridge where they can store milk, or a mandatory work from office policy.

I guess I’m lucky that’s not the case for me.

Coming back at four months postpartum, I had a team that allowed me to work-from-home when possible. We have proper fridges in the office that are clean and easy to store milk in, and we also have dedicated nursing rooms that offer proper privacy for pumping mums. I’ve been able to leave the office at 4pm, go home and tend to the kids and pick up my work again at 8pm after everyone has gone to bed.

And yet, I too have debated whether or not I should quit my job.

At the end of the day, even when all possible concessions have been made, it’s still very difficult for a mum – a first-time mum especially – to get back to her pre-baby work pace and simply “pick up where she left off.”

Because the reality is, it’s just not the same anymore. Take for example last week – we have two children under the age of three, and as is inevitable, both were sick multiple times. We were at the paediatrician’s and the hospital almost every day. On top of that, it was my eldest’s birthday on the weekend and we hosted our first-ever children’s party complete with magician and balloon animals and temporary tattoos (the surprise hit of the event). By the end of the day, when all the kids were finally asleep, I felt so socially and mentally tapped out I had to ban my husband from talking to me and curled up in bed to eat dinner and watch TV – and I really needed that time to disconnect, at least until the baby woke up for milk.

And there’s no break after that. On Monday it’s back to work, a little sick, very tired, to do the whole thing again.

I know I’m lucky to have understanding colleagues and relatively reliable grandparents. I have a helper who also takes on childcare and keeps the house clean. So part of me feels I shouldn’t complain, my mum guilt goes through the roof whenever I feel like I’m having a hard time because I almost feel like I shouldn’t be having one. But so does office guilt. I feel bad to ask for allowances or deadline extensions, or ask to rearrange meetings to suit my schedule, and then there’s always that nagging feeling that I’m not doing enough or as much as my colleagues.

When you don’t feel like you’re doing your best at home (no amount of annual leave is going to get the toys in my house organised) or at the office, something has to give and usually, that’s the office, since you can’t quit your kids.

It’s worth noting my husband doesn’t seem to feel this conflict.

And while I haven’t quite decided what I plan to do, I find myself constantly thinking about this famous speech made by Brian Dyson, former CEO of Coca-Cola Enterprises in 1991. Here’s what he said, slightly paraphrased for length:

“Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls – work, family, health, friends and spirit — and you’re keeping all of these in the air. You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. But the other four are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably damaged or even shattered. They will never be the same.”

On a good day, my juggling skills are top-notch. I spend time with my kids, I see my friends, I go to the gym and I do my job. But when we hit a tough patch; when the kids are sick, or they don’t want to sleep till 10pm or there’s a big project on at work, I really struggle, especially with my health.

At least the one thing I take comfort in is that things DO get easier (I think). I’ve noted that my colleagues with older children don’t have the same stress in balancing, their kids are more independent and less reliant on them for entertainment or looking after so I look forward to the day when that happens. But until then, if push comes to shove and something needs to give, I know which ball I’ll probably be dropping.

Karen Fong is a new mum to two young girls and is surviving motherhood by applying a wry sense of humour (and a lot of eye-rolling and complaining) to the weird and wacky situations that come her way. DM her at @karentanfong to commiserate about party goodie bags, sick babies and travelling with a billion pieces of luggage (but she doesn’t have her kids on her account because this.)