5 Signs Your Partner Could Be Financially Cheating On You
Forget lipstick-stained collars – there's more than one way a spouse can cheat on us. Here are five tell-tale signs of financial infidelity, plus practical steps to prevent it
Nothing says "we're a couple" quite like sharing finances with your significant other. And it can be good for your relationship too. Researchers from the University of California Los Angeles (UCLA) found that couples who pool their money experience feelings of financial togetherness and shared goals, which also leads to greater relationship satisfaction.
These days, couples are less likely to share a bank account than in the past, though it's still a step the majority of twosomes take, according to ME Bank in Australia. And that's because it builds trust.
However, quite a few people are breaking that trust. Canstar's 2021 Love and Money Report uncovered the secrets admitted by Australians:
15% have taken money out of their partner's wallet.
10% have purchased something without telling their partner.
9% have told their partner they purchased something on sale when they paid full price.
And as many as one in four have a debt or secret credit card their partner doesn't know about.
Money is closely interwoven with our romantic lives, so the fallout from financial cheating can be devastating. One in four adult Americans see financial faithlessness as worse than physical cheating. And they have a point. Along with shattering a sense of trust, financial two-timing can damage your own financial wellbeing.
It's a fair bet that plenty of us have told the occasional white lie about how much as paid for a purchase. But financial infidelity goes beyond this, and it can have a habit of snowballing into something much bigger. So, it's not an issue to sweep under the rug.
Here are five red flags that can show if they're trying to cover their tracks:
Your budget doesn't stack up. A budget shows how much money is coming in. And how much is going out. It's a pretty simple formula. So, if your household budget no longer adds up, something is amiss. If more money than usual is flying out the door, it could be a sign of secret spending.
Your partner gets emotional talking about money. Money isn't an easy subject to broach at the best of times. However, if your partner flares up, or more likely, tries to stonewall you when the topic is raised, it could be a guilt-driven response that shows they have something to hide.
They're hiding statements. This may sound extreme, but I was contacted by a woman who had a secret credit card. She'd racked up $60,000 in card debt, but had arranged for the card statements to be sent to a post office box. So, her spouse was completely clueless. Crunch time came when the couple decided to buy a home together. She wanted to know would the card be discovered? I had to explain that, yes, a bank would run a credit check, and at that point her covert card was bound to be exposed.Okay, not everyone will go to these lengths. But if your partner is starting to guard the letter box, whisk away unopened mail, or become edgy about you seeing their emails, you need to know why.
Bills aren't getting paid on time. No couple has a bottomless pit of cash. So, it's a no-brainer that if secret spending is happening, it is going to mean less money for household basics. The deficit may only start to reveal itself when you receive reminders for overdue or unpaid bills – or worse, you have key services disconnected.
Your partner starts trying to control your money. Research shows that when a spouse starts to exert controlling behaviour, such as demanding exclusive responsibility for handling the bills, there could be something that they don't want you to know about the family finances.
A simple way to help prevent financial cheating is to have an open and honest talk with your other half.
Wait for a time when you're both relaxed. And instead of launching straight into the topic of money, try asking your partner about the sorts of dreams they have for life – maybe taking a world trip, or buying a holiday home. Then turn the talk to how you can make it happen.
This provides a natural pathway to conversations about setting savings goals, establishing boundaries for spending and when it's okay to splurge. Or you may just agree to each hold a sum of cash in separate accounts for no-questions-asked personal spending.
There are also practical steps that you can take to protect your money. If you are worried that your other half could 'go rogue' and withdraw funds from, say, a joint home loan, ask the bank to put in place a system where both of you have to give signed consent before funds can be withdrawn.
Remember too, you don't have to go it alone. Consider going for couples' therapy or counselling that can help your relationship – and your finances – get back on track.
Tip: Financial infidelity can start with similar drivers to physical infidelity. A lack of physical intimacy, for instance, can see people fill the void with emotionally-fuelled spending. Or there can be potentially more damaging issues at stake, such as gambling. In these instances, the situation can be especially challenging, and it's worth seeking professional support.
Disclaimer: Any advice provided is general and does not take your personal circumstances into consideration. Readers should seek their own financial advice.
Text: bauersyndication.com.au