How To Embrace The Joy Of Missing Out
Do you feel frustrated and excluded from everything that you aren’t doing? Here’s how to beat the fear of missing out
FOMO or the ‘fear of missing out’ officially entered our vocabulary several years ago and its rise can largely be attributed to social media and smart technology that keeps us connected 24/7.
You scan Instagram and see picture-perfect images of friends having a good time on a beach somewhere exotic (in pre-Covid days, at least). Or perhaps they’re at the newest restaurant in town posting #foodporn. Switch to TikTok or Facebook and you see more of the same… people who all appear to be 'living life' while you’re at home, ferrying kids to tuition class, or catching up on work. The more this happens, the more frustrated and anxious you become. Welcome to the world of FOMO.
We look at images or posts from friends, acquaintances and colleagues, we measure our lives against what we see and we feel that we’re missing out.
“FOMO is especially rampant in the millennial community because they see a peer achieving something they want, and somehow in their mind, that achievement means something is being ‘taken away’ from them,” reports Assistant Professor Darlene McLaughlin, a psychiatrist at Texas A&M Health Science Centre College of Medicine who has studied FOMO.
“The problem with FOMO is the individuals it impacts are looking outward instead of inward. When you’re so tuned in to the ‘other’ or the ‘better’ in your mind, you lose your authentic sense of self. This constant fear of missing out means you are not participating as a real person in your own world.”
Wellbeing consultant Aaron Jarden, Associate Professor at the Centre of Positive Psychology, University of Melbourne, says social media has exacerbated FOMO.
“Before the times of social media, people didn’t fear missing out. Go back through history and in [many societies] the gaps between the haves and have nots weren’t as wide and there was not so much comparison,” he says.
“There has always been keeping up with the Joneses but, as time, society and technology progressed, comparisons have become more obvious and happen more often. Throw in a tool like social media that makes it really easy to focus on the comparisons and it’s a recipe for disaster.”
“You look at a person, compare yourself and think they are living a better life and that is never fruitful. Because if you think you have a better life than the other person, it can make you lethargic to make changes,” adds Aaron.
“If you compare yourself poorly, it makes you feel bad. The real fruit is looking at your values and what you want out of life and making sure that is aligned, rather than the life somebody else is living.”
Dr Tim Sharp, psychologist and founder of The Happiness Institute, says being overwhelmed by FOMO leads to fear, anxiety and tension.
“You want to do everything and be everywhere so you don’t miss out, but you can never succeed. It’s an impossible task and you will always be dissatisfied,” he says.
The ‘joy of missing out’ focuses on choosing what you want to be part of, rather than feeling you have to do everything and be everywhere. Aaron describes it as a ‘cultural backlash’ to the ways of modern life.
“People are stretched and pressured and JOMO is part of a backlash where people are slowing down and simplifying life,” he explains.
“People in the slow movement take great pride in doing less from a quantity perspective, but doing more from a quality perspective. They are intentionally missing out in order to have better experiences with the things they choose to do. It’s quality versus quantity.”
Dr Sharp says a new perspective on JOMO is to see it as choosing what you want to opt into, rather than missing out on.
“It’s you choosing to focus on important things and enjoying a few things well, rather than trying to enjoy everything. It is about enjoying better emotional quality of life without the pressures you put on yourself of doing too much,” he says.
And one of the unexpected benefits of JOMO may be creativity. Researchers at the Australian National University found that when we feel bored, we tap into our creative side, perhaps because our mind has more time to reflect and wander.
“Our findings suggest that boredom could potentially be an untapped source of human motivated, especially in creative work,” says Dr Guihyun Park, an organisational psychologist.
So how to you loosen the grip of FOMO and explore the benefits of JOMO?
1. Say ‘no’ more often. “People struggle to say no but if someone asks me to do something, I’ll describe the situation, express how I feel and offer a solution. So, if I’m too busy and under a deadline, I’ll explain that and suggest we meet another time,” says Aaron.
2. Be intentional about how you use your time. What does a good day at work look like? Or what does an ideal weekend look like? How can you use that time to connect with people and to enjoy some positive emotions? “Too often, people take a mindless, repetitive approach. Do things you value, be conscious about that and make it a priority,” says Aaron.
3. Enjoy tech-free time every day. “Technology is great but there is a dark side and a lot of time wasted,” says Dr Sharp. “Social media can be inspirational and connect us, but scrolling through it for hours is not ideal. Real-life interactions with people are important and so is spending time on our physical health and the quality of our relationships.”
4. Slow down. When you feel pressured or hurried, stretch slowly, slow your speech or walk more slowly. “I once spoke to a paramedic who says when she arrives on the scene and there is a sense of urgency, she first ties her shoelaces because that few seconds allows her to take in all the information and make better decisions,” says Aaron.
5. Remember you aren’t missing out. JOMO is about taking things off your to-do list so you create energy and space to prioritise what’s important. You are missing out on one thing, but gaining more.
“It is great to say yes and to participate in life, but we need to carefully choose things that add to our life, rather than doing something for the sake of it,” says Dr Sharp. “Instead of the JOMO, I prefer to describe it as the joy in choosing what we want to do, when we want to do it - or the joy of doing a few things well.”
Text: bauersyndication.com.au