The 15-year-old girl went on a diet after her mother said she was fat. The mother herself, who is in her late 40s, also watched her weight. Despite being slim, she avoided eating carbohydrates and exercised rigorously.
Psychiatrist Lim Boon Leng from Gleneagles Hospital recounts: “Wishing to please her mother, the girl lost a dangerous amount of weight and had to be hospitalised.”
Dr Lim treated the teenager who had periods of anorexia and bulimia, which are eating disorders. Her Body Mass Index dropped to 14, indicating she was severely underweight. A BMI in the healthy range is between 18.5 and 22.9.
The girl’s condition led to “stressful dynamics” in the family, adds Dr Lim. Her recovery was delayed as it was difficult to convince her to put on weight when her mother insisted on continuing with her own strict diet and exercise routine.
When the girl’s father asked his wife to stop for their daughter’s sake, it led to frequent arguments
But, doctors say, mothers have an important role in helping their daughters navigate the same societal pressures surrounding women and thinness that are felt by both.
Here’s how mothers can help their children improve on their self-esteem and change their mindsets towards their bodies:
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Parents should be good role models and not harp on dieting and aspiring to a slimness that is impossible to achieve. Emphasise a healthy lifestyle, including a nutritious diet and getting enough exercise and sleep.
Maintain a good relationship with your child and communicate frequently. This is especially important during the teenage years when peer pressure and social media exert their greatest influence. This will allow parents to nip problems about body image in the bud.
Build the child’s self-esteem by spending quality time with him or her and understand their goals and hopes. Inculcate values that focus on inner beauty such as being kind, loving or helpful, as opposed to focusing on outer beauty such as slim bodies and pretty faces, as well as external achievements in academics and sports. •
Avoid being critical and judgmental. Many children with eating disorders become highly critical of themselves because of their experience of criticism growing up. They internalise the critical parent and become highly restrictive in how they eat and judge themselves harshly.
Be loving and accepting of your children, regardless of how they look and what they achieve, as long as they try their best.
Text: Venessa Lee/The Straits Times