Being pro-life and pro-choice shouldn’t be mutually exclusive, as this mother-of-three shares.
I sat on the toilet bowl, holding one end of the pregnancy test stick, the little blue-and-white bugger that was all so familiar and imposing.
It took nary a second for the two red lines to emerge.
Feeling imaginably like a teenager who just got knocked up, I spent the next few moments trying to recalculate my next steps in life.
My husband and I already had two boisterous boys in kindergarten at the time. We had recently renovated our home to fit a family of four. I finally had time to work at full speed and lead an active lifestyle.
When I broke the news that afternoon, my tears weren’t of joy but of fear and confusion. And of guilt that at that point, we were unable to see the pregnancy as what it simply was: a blessing.
As a 38-year-old then, I was not looking forward to hosting another foetus in my well-used womb. Or dealing with dirty diapers, milky spit-up and breastfeeding years after I’d bidden these things adieu.
My husband was skirting around the A-word, but it was clear that he wanted to put that option on the table. After an hour of honest back-and-forth, the decision still came down to me. “I cannot dictate what you do with your body,” he said.
That statement was freeing albeit heavy. It is also what we have come to expect here in Singapore, that no matter our sex, we have full agency over our own reproductive health.
This is why the overturning of Roe vs Wade in the US, which has made abortion illegal for women in multiple states, made me sick to the stomach.
What will happen with pregnancies that arise from rape, incest or underaged intercourse? What about women who are trapped in abusive, loveless relationships? And single mums whose material resources are simply stretched too thin to raise another child?
In these cases, having a baby from an unplanned or unwanted pregnancy can be a crippling disservice, medically, emotionally, and financially, to both the mother and child.
Within my circle, I have heard various anecdotes of women, mostly highly educated and successful, who decided on abortion for multiple reasons. One couldn’t bear the idea of having a baby out of wedlock and with an unreliable partner; another detected an abnormality with the foetus at the 20-week scan; and one was adamant that a third child would be far too much for her and her spouse to handle.
The fact is that every woman’s circumstances, along with their life goals, are different. People may judge our actions, but I take heart that our system does not. Abortion is legal and accessible in Singapore up until the 24th week of pregnancy; it is allowed beyond that point if the mother’s life or health is at risk.
After a series of prenatal scans and pricks to ensure there were no abnormalities with the foetus, my husband and I decided to carry the pregnancy to term. But to be totally honest, even if the Down Syndrome test had come back bleak, I’m not sure I could ever have considered abortion.
Perhaps I am a lucky gal in my bubble, safe in the knowledge that there is enough love and support from my spouse and immediate family to weather any complications with my growing tribe. I acknowledge my privilege in this aspect.
While abortion was not something I could bear for myself, it must be a fundamental right for females everywhere. If pro-life and pro-choice were two ends of a spectrum, I sit right in the middle because I believe we can respect both the right of a foetus to live and a woman’s right to terminating a pregnancy.
Today, we are proud and sleep-deprived parents to a thriving six-month-old girl. When I think of the future I want for her, I picture a world where she feels safe and empowered to make decisions about her own body.
And my sons, I wish for them to always staunchly respect women and their right to bodily autonomy, the way their father does every single day of his life.
No mother takes joy in abortion, but at times, this difficult call is the only right one for her.
For more information on abortion in Singapore, you may visit the following websites:
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