Why Facebook Groups Are A Lifesaver In My Parenting Journey
For better or worse there’s a lot of parents out there on the internet
By Karen Fong -
Recently my 6-month old was experiencing some congestion. Unsurprising since the whole family had been hit with repeated doses of the flu over the last couple months. The baby was very popular at a family gathering we all attended and I was happy to let her be passed around, until I came upon her being held down on her tummy, with an older relative pinching her down her spine. After (politely) retrieving the baby from said relative, I was informed that this was a TCM massage that could help with the congestion. I’d never, ever heard of this before – so naturally I turned to the Internet for answers, but instead of Google, I went to Facebook.
“Has anyone ever had this done for their LO?” I posted on a popular local parenting FB group. Immediately I not only got affirmative answers, I got reviews and suggestions about where to take my baby. “I followed your post and will be taking both my kids for the massage,” a friend told me. The word is still out on how effective the massage has been for his kids.
I never really understood the world of possibilities that existed in online parenting groups, until one day at our condo pool, a woman with a toddler same age as mine invited me to join the condominium Facebook page, and introduced me to a world of free baby toys, as well as a place for me to get rid of old jars, old bags and other baby things my kids decided they didn’t like.
But beyond that, Facebook groups, specifically the parenting groups, have helped me realise I’m never alone in this crazy, chaotic journey as a mum.
My first child was born right before the pandemic in 2020, we were in lockdown at my parents house when she was just three months old. I was suffering from postpartum anxiety and had never felt more alone in my life despite having all the physical help I needed (and then some) with the baby. It was only after that trying period that I found Stork’s Nest Singapore, a group for mums (and dads) in Singapore to support one another.
The biggest takeaway I got from joining this group was that, no matter what weird thing parenting life throws at you - a marble stuck up your kid’s nose, a growth on their toe, a fear of birthday cakes or in-laws telling you how to raise your child – it’s all been done before, and that means there’s a wealth of experience and commiseration out there to take in. I don’t have a lot of mummy-friends, a lot of the ones I have are overseas and could offer so much help when it came to weird rashes, sleep schedules and such. Once I joined Stork’s Nest, I realised there was a reassuring voice and a community of online cheerleaders for every quirk my daughter had, from said rashes to rolling off the bed and getting stuck between the bed and wall (true story) that we survived and managed.
It also gave me the opportunity to share my parenting experience and advice with others who were in need. And it was validating to know that the things I had been through as a mum were of use to other mothers. For someone who used to lie awake at night, listening to make sure my baby was breathing, it felt good to know that I had come out of some tough times what knowledge that was of use to other people. Now if anyone voices doubt or difficulty about topics I had experience in (oversupply in breastfeeding, eczema, picky eating, sleep - you name it), I jump in with commiseration or advice.
Of course, it’s not all fun and rainbows. It’s still the internet, where you are reading and commenting about the lives of strangers, and naturally not everyone agrees all the time. And because parenting is such a personal experience, there are strong feelings involved. I have seen arguments erupt about co-sleeping vs sleep training, breastfeeding vs formula and even debates around the reluctance to vaccinate children.
As a people pleaser, any blowback I’ve gotten from posts or comments I’ve made has been a learning experience. I have to tell myself it’s not something to take personally, that the person who disagrees with me does not fully understand my situation. It’s a good thing to take away and it keeps me honest – I try to think twice before commenting on a post, asking myself if I can add value before I chime in on how crazy toddlers are
To me, this is a good thing, learning that comments and “likes” can be validating and useful – but not always. And for as long as being an active member does more good than harm, I believe I’ll be posting for awhile more in these groups, if only to reassure other mums that what they’re going through (sleepless baby, constipated baby, constipated toddler etc.) are all normal and they’re not alone.
With Facebook groups, it’s not about finding diverse opinions - just go to what you want to know. Most of them are for specific “causes” (Respectful Parenting, Sleep Training etc.) so join the ones that will answer your questions best about these topics.
Be specific when posting/asking a question in order to get the most concise/useful answer. This usually includes your child’s age, what you’ve tried already and what you won’t do.
Also, if all you need is a listening ear or someone to commiserate, Facebook groups are great (usually). They prove you’re never alone on this crazy rollercoaster parenting journey.
Don’t be afraid to butt out: At the end of the day, these communities should feel supportive and useful. And if they don’t, if something feels counter intuitive to how you want to parent, there’s no shame in leaving. You choose what you see on Facebook so it might as well be useful.
Needless to say, Facebook groups are not meant to replace seeing an actual doctor if something is bothering your child
Storks’ Nest Singapore
A great resource for general parenting support in Singapore, from suggestions for health providers to best playgrounds.
Breastfeeding Mothers’ Support Group (Singapore)
Recommended for any new mums who plan to breastfeed. The moderators and volunteers are very quick to answer to questions from worried mums.
Respectful/Mindful Parenting Singapore
If you plan to follow respectful or mindful parenting principles, this is a good place for advice, occasional courses and validation when you lose your cool at your child who is constantly pushing your limits.
Preloved Baby Goods SG
Babies grow so fast, and families move around. Often if families are trying to offload gear to make space they might sell big ticket items like strollers or cribs at a big discount.