All along, I knew that I had severe endometriosis. However, having surgery was the last thing on my mind as I was afraid of going under the knife.

My husband and I tried to conceive naturally for about six months before we decided to do an intrauterine insemination (IUI) cycle. After a failed IUI cycle, I decided to solve the “root” of the problem and went for endometriosis surgery. With severe endometriosis, the surgery can take a while – and true enough, it took close to four hours. After the surgery, we tried a few more cycles of IUI. But since the IUI cycles failed and I was already in my 30s, we decided to do IVF before my egg quality was compromised.

The IVF journey was rather challenging – both physically and emotionally. To be honest, the biggest struggle for me was the emotional aspect.

No medicine could make me feel better – there were a lot of emotional mood swings that I couldn’t control. There were also a lot of doubts and fears; fearing that all my efforts would not pay off and doubting if the IVF procedure would really work for us.

This was worsened by the artificial hormones that come along with IVF. Sometimes the hormone medications made me feel pregnant, but knowing I was not made me suffer emotionally on top of the physical discomfort.

At that point in time, many of my friends also seemed to be conceiving naturally. I did not know many people who were going through IVF or who had undergone it before. At times, I felt very lonely and thought that the world did not understand what I was going through. Everyone around me seemed to be having babies naturally and easily. I think I would have benefited from knowing that there were other couples who were going through the same process, and that we were not alone.

But there were also positive highlights in my journey whereby we received a lot of support, love, and prayers from our close circle of friends and family. It also strengthened our relationship with God and faith as Christians. At the same time, I tackled my emotions by forcing myself to exercise and go for long brisk walks with my husband. I did quite a bit of retail therapy to make myself happy as well. I went for yoga meditation and fertility massages too – all of which helped me to relax.

Yes. There were many who advocated for conceiving naturally and told me stories about how people had to try for years before doing so. I also came to realise that some people had parents who refused to acknowledge that their grandchildren were conceived via IVF.

For me, my parents were afraid of the potential side effects such as an increased risk of cancer and the possible disappointment. They were afraid of how I would handle the journey emotionally. Otherwise, they were very supportive.

As life gets more stressful and marriages are delayed, more people will face difficulties conceiving naturally. They should not feel discouraged, afraid, or ashamed to seek fertility treatments.

We need to normalise the various ways of having babies because all children are blessings and they should all be celebrated.

For some people, talking about fertility is taboo due to religion or tradition. Some older generations also have the mentality that infertility is something to be ashamed of. But honestly, it does not define anyone. We are blessed that we now have the help of medical advancements to give hope to couples trying to conceive.

I have, through my storybook! They are under three so I figured I needed a more child-friendly, symbolic, and meaningful way of introducing the concept of IVF to them. I admit I am very excited to share with them about their origins.

I want to tell my kids that the IVF journey is so beautiful. It is truly a story of love, patience and endurance. I want them to know how everyone played a part in their conception journey, and how much everybody wanted them even before seeing them. I want them to know it took a miracle for them to be here so that they will always treasure their lives.

Hence I took the effort to write a children’s storybook to share the IVF journey with them. I think it is important to introduce the concept of IVF to them while they are young, without any preconceived notions. At the same time, being open about it shows how proud I am that they are IVF babies.

Also, as infertility is often a sensitive and less touched-upon subject in Asian societies, IVF can be an isolating experience for many. Yet, it does not need to be this way. By telling my family’s story, I hope to inspire more to talk about their experiences so they can help others going through similar journeys with the awareness that they are not alone.

What advice would you give to other people contemplating IVF?

Just do it! Expect a tough emotional and physical journey. Build a good support team of cheerleaders and continue doing the things you love as much as possible. You will need to find ways to destress and relax during this experience.

To be honest, friends who know me would know I never had any intention of having kids. In the first three years of marriage, my husband and I were working hard together to establish my husband’s private practice (we co-founded Urohealth Medical Clinic and my husband is a urologist). Aside from work, we were travelling a lot as a couple and hanging out with friends. We loved and enjoyed our freedom so much. Somewhere along the way as we witnessed more friends having children, I guess the fear of missing out kicked in.

But as we started trying to conceive naturally, it did not happen as we had expected. I then realised the biggest reason I wanted kids was that I truly wanted a child of my own. It felt like I needed a child to have a more fulfilling and meaningful life – and it has been that way for me.

The most ridiculous thing about motherhood I have heard is that you can have it all. I agree we can still have a great career and social life etc. But there are a lot of sacrifices involved in motherhood and a lot of give and take.

There were business projects I had to give up or put on hold for motherhood because I did not want to handle more than I can. I also wanted to ensure I always had enough time, energy, and health for the children.

It would be right after childbirth. It was a very new and raw experience. I don’t think any amount of reading could prepare me for the period of time when my life was suddenly all about one little person. It was a difficult transition period which I had little time to process because I was either feeding or taking care of the baby, or trying to get as much sleep as possible. It was also made worse by Covid when I had less support from friends at the beginning of 2020.

I think the hardest thing about being a mum is going with the flow. I have a type A personality. But with children, it can be so unpredictable. The way they behave, the sudden sick episodes, their developmental milestones etc. You can try your best to make sure everything goes according to your plans, but nine out of 10 times, it just doesn’t!

My mother was really the perfect mum when I was growing up. She truly fulfilled all my emotional needs as a child and certainly made it look easy to be a great mum. But after becoming a mum myself, I realised that she must have had such a hard time – she just did not show it to me! So I wish I was prepared for how hard motherhood is mentally and know that I couldn’t be a control freak anymore because kids make your life unpredictable. We just have to learn to go with the flow.

If you could restart this motherhood gig, what would you do differently?

I think I would better prepare myself for motherhood. I would probably chat more with mothers about their experiences so that I could’ve been better prepared for what’s to come. I think I was a little overconfident about motherhood. Being mentally prepared would have made the experience less overwhelming. That’s why the second time around with the twins, even though it is extremely difficult juggling two, I feel emotionally better as I am better prepared.

The boys all recently recovered from Respiratory Syncytial Virus (RSV). The youngest ended up in the hospital during that episode. It was a very trying time for us. When the youngest was discharged, my eldest son was extremely happy. That day, looking at the boys showing love to each other after reuniting was a very happy moment for me.

How has motherhood changed you as a person?

You really grow up when you become a parent because now you are in charge of someone’s life. Motherhood has matured me and made me care more about others than myself.

Having children humbled me as well when I learnt that I cannot control a lot of things. For instance, my youngest was admitted to the NICU when he was born and we didn’t know when he would make it out safe and when he would be fully able to breathe on his own.

I love that my kids have changed the way I view life. They push my buttons but also my limits in the best way possible. I never knew I was capable and had the strength to love and nurture three young ones. They have made me a more resilient, stronger, and better version of myself. They also taught my husband and me to appreciate the very simple things in life that money can never buy – love, peace and health.

I won’t deny that there are occasions we differ in our opinions with regard to raising the kids. But more often than not, we are on the same page. I also appreciate him even more because we complement each other in terms of parenting.

For example, I can be overprotective and he is able to be a lot more chill. So it is good that sometimes I am, in a sense, compelled to give the children more space.

When it comes to motherhood/parenting, what kind of support would you like more of?

I am a newish mum with a small social circle of mum friends. I hope to grow that social circle for more support.

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