As a parent, one of our biggest reasons for having children is to experience the joy and fulfilment of raising a child, guiding them according to our values and faith, and watching them grow into the best version of themselves. We also want to share our joy of travelling and create new memories with our family.

Ultimately, having children allows us to experience the beauty of life through their eyes, and to pass on our legacy and love to the next generation.

What would you say is the hardest thing about being a mum?

As a mum who went through the IVF journey, I would say that the hardest thing about being a mum is the constant worry and guilt that comes with being a working mother. Since we fought so hard and long for our miracle baby (five IVF cycles), I always want to give my daughter the best and ensure that she is happy and healthy.

It is a constant battle between wanting to be there for her every moment and forgoing my aspirations or missing her milestones and being at work. However, at the end of the day, seeing her grow and thrive makes it all worth it. Every milestone and every smile are reminders of why I wanted to become a mum in the first place.

At first, we were diagnosed with unexplained infertility and were advised to continue trying to conceive. We followed this advice for two years, while also seeking alternative treatments like TCM.

However, when we received further testing, we discovered that my anti-müllerian hormone (AMH) levels had significantly dropped to a level similar to that of someone who is in their 40s (I was 32 years old then), indicating a low ovarian reserve. So it was necessary to get prompt reproductive treatment.

How did you and your husband find the IVF journey?

There was a sense of isolation during our IVF journey, for various reasons.

Firstly, infertility is a topic that is often shrouded in taboo, which can make it challenging to discuss openly with others. There is the societal expectation that women should be able to conceive naturally, and further compounding the problem is a lack of understanding and education surrounding infertility. This can lead to insensitive comments and advice from others, which can be very hurtful. In some cultures, infertility is also viewed as a lack of masculinity or femininity, further increasing feelings of guilt and inadequacy.

Moreover, many of our friends were starting families at the time, which only heightened our sense of isolation. While we were happy for them, it was difficult to be surrounded by pregnancy and baby talk when we were struggling to conceive.

People also just did not know how to react when they learned about our infertility. They may make well-intentioned but unfortunately unhelpful remarks like “just relax” or “try harder”, which can be frustrating and hurtful.

Even our parents, who we love and appreciate, belong to an older generation that may not fully understand the complexities of modern fertility treatments. They encouraged us not to stress, but it was not that simple.

However, we were fortunate to have each other for support and eventually found a community of other couples who were going through similar experiences. Through this, we learned that we were not alone, and that helped to reduce the sense of isolation over time.

Throughout the process, my husband has been an unwavering source of support. He has accompanied me to every appointment and helped to research supplements, soups, and alternative treatments that could improve our odds of success. He even spent time reading academic research to engage with our IVF doctor and TCM physician on options he had discovered.

Not only did my husband help with the practical aspects of treatment, but he also took care of me emotionally. He provided a listening ear when I needed to talk and offered words of encouragement when things got tough. He prepared soups and meals so that I could focus on my treatment and not worry about the little things.

My husband’s support was especially crucial when we faced a miscarriage and multiple failed transfers. These were difficult moments for both of us, and he supported me emotionally and physically, helping me to process my grief and find the strength to keep going. The IVF process has brought us closer together, and we feel grateful for the strength of our relationship as we continue to navigate the ups and downs of this journey.

Were there any moments when you wanted to give up?

There were. One of the most challenging times for us was when we experienced a miscarriage. We had allowed ourselves to get our hopes up and began preparing for the arrival of our little one, only to have those hopes dashed. It was a heart-breaking experience, and we seriously considered giving up at that point.

To help us recover and regroup, we made the difficult decision to take a six-month sabbatical from the treatment. During that time, we focused on resting and rejuvenating ourselves. It was a much-needed break that gave us the strength to continue our journey.

Additionally, because of my low AMH and limited egg supply, each IVF cycle felt like a high-stakes gamble. We knew that if we failed, we would have to give up due to the toll on my body from the hormone injections, as well as the significant financial cost of the treatments.

All of these add up, and there were times when we felt overwhelmed and ready to throw in the towel. In fact, we had agreed that we would forgo IVF treatments if our recent cycle did not work as we were feeling mentally, emotionally, and financially drained.

When we found out that our fifth cycle of IVF was successful, it was a mix of emotions. On one hand, we were overjoyed and relieved that our journey had finally led us to this point. However, on the other hand, we were still haunted by our previous miscarriage and were cautious about being too happy too soon, in case anything went wrong.

As we progressed through the pregnancy, we encountered some complications like placenta insufficiency and concerns about the foetus’ size. It was a stressful and anxious time, but we leaned on our faith and the fertility community for support and did everything we could to ensure the health and safety of our baby.

Despite these challenges, we were still incredibly grateful for this miracle. We know that not everyone is as fortunate, and we feel blessed to have been given this opportunity to become parents.

Do you plan to share with Junior Hu that she is an IVF baby? 

We absolutely plan to share with our daughter that she was conceived via IVF. There is nothing shameful about it, and we want her to be proud of our journey to bring her into this world. We want her to know how much we tried for her, and that being conceived through IVF does not make her any lesser than other children.

In fact, we hope that by being open about our experience, she can grow up with greater understanding and empathy for others, regardless of whether they were also conceived via IVF or not. It is important to us that she knows the truth about her origins and can embrace it as a part of her unique story.

As a mum who has gone through the IVF journey myself, I know first-hand how challenging and emotional it can be. However, I want to reassure all the mums out there who are currently on this journey that you are not alone. There are many of us who have gone through similar experiences, and we are here to support you.

My advice to you would be to take it one day at a time and be compassionate with yourself (and your spouse). It’s important to give yourself time to rest and rejuvenate, both physically and emotionally. Don’t be afraid to communicate with your family and friends. They may not fully understand you or speak tactfully, but at least you will be able to cope better. Lastly, seek out support from the community of other IVF warriors, who have gone through what you are going through, and that are generous with sharing tips.

Remember, being an IVF mum neither defines you nor your journey. You are strong, resilient, and capable of bringing a beautiful life into this world, and when that day comes, I hope you will look back on your journey with pride and joy, knowing that you did everything in your power to bring your precious little one into this world. Keep going, you’ve got this!

Reflecting on my motherhood journey so far, there are a few things I would do differently if I could restart this. Firstly, I would trust my instincts more and worry less about what others think. It’s easy to get caught up in comparing ourselves to other parents, but every child is unique, and what works for one may not work for another.

Secondly, I would try to be more present in the moment and enjoy the little things. It’s easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of daily life, but children grow up so fast, and it’s important to savour every moment with them. Finally, I would prioritise self-care more and not feel guilty about taking time for myself. Being a mum is a 24/7 job, but it’s essential to take care of ourselves so we can be the best version of ourselves for our children.

What do you love most about being a mum?

I absolutely love the overwhelming feeling of love that washes over me every time I look at my little one. Seeing her smile, hearing her coo or even her reaching out for me makes my heart burst with joy.

I also love the sense of purpose and responsibility that comes with being a mum. Knowing that I am responsible for shaping and guiding this little person as she grows into her own unique individual is both daunting but also exhilarating. The bond between a mother and child is truly one of the most precious and fulfilling experiences in life, and I feel incredibly blessed that I have this opportunity to be a mum.

As a mother, I believe that greater involvement from fathers in parenting is essential. While there have been improvements in government support, I think it’s important to shift societal expectations and beliefs around the role of fathers in parenting. We need to move away from the old mindset that fathers are solely breadwinners and mothers are solely responsible for child-rearing.

We also need more policies that support fathers in taking an active role in their children’s lives such as flexible work arrangements. Additionally, there needs to be more opportunities for fathers to connect with one another and share their experiences and struggles in parenting, such as through support groups or workshops.

Ultimately, I think the key is to create a culture where both mothers and fathers are valued for their contributions to parenting and are given the support they need to raise happy and healthy children.

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