Sex – according to Hollywood rom-coms, at least – is all about smouldering gazes and mind-blowing orgasms. But in a survey conducted by global condom brand Durex, the latter isn’t always the case, especially for women.
The study, which surveyed 400 young adults in Singapore aged between 18 and 29, found that one in two women have had sex even when it was not pleasurable.
“Women may be unaware of what makes them pleasurable,” says intimacy and relationship coach Dr Angela Tan, on the most common reasons why women may feel uncomfortable during sex. “The deeply rooted stigma around masturbating or exploring themselves, as well as voicing out and letting their partner know what feels good or not good, created this ‘pleasure gap’. During sex, fear, shame, and self-judgment can surface, which may stop them from being present and instead get stuck in their internal world of negative emotions.”
Some women might feel that their pleasure is a taboo topic to bring up with their partners, and thus they continue with sex out of obligation to please their significant other, adds Dr Tan. “In some cases, there is even guilt for rejecting a partner too many times. In the worst case [scenarios], there might even be coercion from the partner,” notes the doctor. She also highlights cases where “women have multiple uncomfortable experiences and painful sex, and thereafter conclude it’s something wrong with their bodies”.
The Durex survey highlighted the need for more reliable and relatable platforms for sex education, says the brand. The findings conclude that many sexually active young adults have worrying misconceptions about sex.