Much like leaving a trail of crumbs for a bird to follow, breadcrumbing in dating is similar, where a person leaves a trail of crumbs — in the form of attention or affection — for you to follow. The gestures are small and insincere because the breadcrumber senses that you have an interest, but has no intention of ever letting things progress into a relationship. However, they like the attention, so they continue to lead you on to keep you hooked and interested.
Doesn’t it sound so frustrating? It’s hard for you to gauge where you stand with them, as they keep giving you just enough attention to keep you hoping that something more will develop, but they never actually make a move to take your relationship to the next level.
If you think you’re being breadcrumbed, we’ve listed some signs to look out for, and what you should do if you’re in this situation.
The never-ending reschedule: They make plans with you, but frequently cancel or reschedule without a clear explanation or an alternative plan.
Hot and cold: You seem to be carrying the conversation because they only respond to your texts intermittently. Their responses are usually short, curt and unengaging. But! Other times, out of nowhere, they seem to become more enthusiastic with texting, although these usually come in short spurts.
Basically, they only engage in conversation with you when it’s convenient for them, such as when they are bored or have nothing else to do. And, they don’t make an effort to keep the conversation going or engage with your interests and feelings. Ugh.
False promises: They make vague promises about the future but never follow through, saying things like ‘we should do that sometime’ or ‘let’s get lunch soon’ but never actually setting a specific date and time.
Tempting tease: When your interest seems to wane a bit is when the breadcrumber shows you the most attention, because they now have to work to pull you back in.
Flirting without follow-through: They make flirty comments in person or on social media, but that’s the extent of it. They may also be overly complimentary or affectionate sometimes, saying things like ‘I really like you’ but leaving you hanging after.
If you think that someone is breadcrumbing you, be honest with yourself about what you want to get out of this. If you’re looking for a real commitment, such as a relationship, you probably should sit down with the other person about what you’re expecting. If they’re willing to take things further, great! But if they brush you off, at least you now know for sure that this will not go any further, and you can stop following their trail.
On the other hand, maybe you’re looking for something casual and you’re fine with that. Either way, just be honest with yourself and the other person about your intentions and desires.
Text: Natalie-Elizabeth Tan/Her World