Sex therapists say men are typically reluctant to discuss the reasons for their drop in libido, leaving their partners baffled. The more pressure women put on them to discuss the issue, the more they withdraw.
Catherine says she still has “no idea” what made her ex-husband stop desiring her.
“I brought it up regularly with him. I would just ask him what was going on and he would get really angry,” she says. “He just did not want to talk about it. I think he saw it as a slight to his ego.”
Sex therapist Bettina Arndt recognises that there is a “significant” number of high-drive, sexually frustrated women out there, but insists their numbers are dwarfed by the army of sex-starved men. However, she acknowledges that the misery is likely to be more acute for women who are sexually rejected.
“It is the very fact that women are so rarely on the other side of the fence that makes this experience particularly painful. They never expect not to be wanted,” she says.
“Since many of them are surrounded by friends whose partners are driving them mad by wanting sex, these women end up feeling there is something wrong with them.”
While many second-guess their desirability – “Are my boobs too small?”, “Have I put on too much weight?”, “Does he find other women sexier?”, “Am I doing something to put him off when we do have sex?” – Catherine says her imagination ran wildly in other directions. Was her husband gay? Just not interested in sex? Should she take a lover?
“It’s very dangerous,” she says. “I would have had an affair if I had had the opportunity. And I would not even have felt bad about it.”
