14 Surprising Ways Motherhood Will Change You (Good And Bad)
The good, the bad and the surprising of being a mother
By The Weekly -
Although we often hear that motherhood changes people, we don't really know why or how. We dismiss "hormones" and "mood swings" without understanding what is really happening – until we become mums ourselves. Then it's a whole new reality and adjustment period, for many ofus.
Researchers have found that being a mother literally changes you as a person, often due to neurological changes in the brain that starts during pregnancy. Yes, you heard that right. While "Mommy brain" is a term people throw around for fun, it is a real condition.
If you want to find out some ways motherhood can change you for the better (or better understand how it may have already), keep reading to find out more.
Believe it or not, but if you believed that you would lose your temper at your child when they cried but found that you haven't, it's because your brain has been rewired. When you hear your child cry, the emotion regulation network in the brain is activated, helping you to control your emotions better as you calm your crying child.
You also have to understand your child's needs, which uses empathy. Luckily, when you've given birth, activity in the regions that control empathy is increased, allowing you to be hypersensitive to your baby's needs.
Postpartum depression is a term most women have heard about but isn't something all mothers necessarily experience. When a woman becomes a mother, they can develop behaviours that stem from thoughts and patterns they cannot control. They may find themselves constantly worrying about whether their child is okay and checking if they are alright.
If you are a mother, you may find yourself feeling anxious more often than before. This is completely normal, but postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety takes things to a different level, if you suspect you might suffer from it, consult your healthcare providers for assistance.
Oxytocin is often called the "love hormone" as it facilitates empathy, trust, and bond-building. Maternal oxytocin levels increase dramatically during pregnancy and the postpartum period, which helps mothers like yourself to alleviate their moods every time they interact with their babies - whether through snuggling with them or simply looking at their adorable faces.
When you become a mother, the grey matter in your brain shrinks. Think of these grey areas as the controls to your ability to interact with others and help you to connect with them.
You may be wondering: how, in any way, is this a good thing?
While the grey matter in the brain shrinks, it is said to become more powerful and efficient. Research has found that mothers who experience it feel a greater attachment to their children and don't feel as many negative emotions towards them.
Ah, the dreaded description of "mommy brain". After you give birth, you may find it hard to remember some things and get confused over others. You may even find yourself losing concentration easily.
This is because your brain has decided that your child is the priority as compared to remembering a random title of a show you saw on Netflix. So while it may be annoying and inconvenient, "mommy brain" is actually helping you to give your child more attention.
After you've given birth, your hormones and amygdala (an almond-shaped part of the brain) help you by encouraging motherly behaviours through a constant positive loop of emotions. In a sense, your brain rewards you by being motherly by attaching positive feelings to caring behaviours.
Yes, you've definitely learnt how to change diapers and make milk for your baby, but on top of that, you've probably learnt how to communicate better too. When children ask you questions (oh, the dreaded 'why?'), explaining difficult concepts to them helps you think outside the box to help them understand.
You also learn to multi-task, whether you want to or not. There are only so many hours in a day and too many things to do to not pick up this skill as you look after your child. (After all, women are known to be great multi-taskers right?)
Let's face it: if you become a mother, you won't get much sleep during the first, let's say, 10 years. From crying waking you up every few hours to your kids stumbling into your room because they had a nightmare, losing time for shut-eye is just part and parcel of being a parent.
More than that, though, you may find yourself staying up later after you put your child to sleep. When you spend the whole day looking after someone, you may feel like the night is the only time you can be yourself and relax. This adds up to your sleep debt, stopping you from getting much-needed rest.
Before you had a baby, your time was your own. You could choose when to go out, when to sleep, when to work, and so on. That has all changed. And the only way you can juggle all those demands is by treating your time as a precious resource.
Raising a child is much easier when it is shared – not just the practical tasks, but also the parenting decisions which need to be made every day. Sharing the responsibilities of parenting and discussing what is best for your child together with your partner can help you develop a better understanding of each other, including strengths and weaknesses you did not see before.
In turn, this strengthens your bond as a couple as you face the challenges of being parents together.
The demands of baby care mean that you can’t leave things to chance. Everything needs to be planned so you don’t run out of, say, diapers or baby food.
And when you intend to go out with your little one, you can’t leave all preparations to the last minute. You have to ensure that the place you are going to is children-friendly and that it won't cause any discomfort to your kid (for example if it's too hot, you might not want to take your child out for a stroll).
You might have been all over the place when your baby arrived, and might have felt like you knew nothing, had too much to learn, and perhaps even doubted your coping skills. Hardly a minute passes without a new challenge or a minor crisis.
But time and experience are great for reassurance (eventually). Over time you'll find yourself better at handling your little one and any challenges you face.
Caring for a baby is hard work, but it is also great joy watching them change and grow. Their smiles fill you with delight, and their giggles make you chuckle along with her. Whenever they learn a new skill, your heart bursts with pride.
All in all, you have much more enjoyment in life than you did before they were born.
Sources: The Atlantic, The New York Times, Insider, Healthline, The Washington Post, WebMD, and Scientific American
A version of this story first appeared in Young Parents.
Additional reporting: Terri Kue