6 Ways To Help Your Preschooler Deal With Separation Anxiety
Here's how to help your child cope and even look forward to preschool
Starting preschool is such an exciting phase in your child’s life as she moves into a totally new environment. Yet, excitement can easily turn to anxiety — and before you know it, your child is clinging to you, not wanting to let go.
Few children separate from Mum and Dad at the start of preschool without showing some concern. This can range from wanting an extra hug as Mum leaves her for the first time, to a flood of tears as soon as her parent tries to go out the door. These reactions are normal; they should be expected in the early days.
Tears at parting are not a sign of emotional insecurity and are usually only temporary, especially if this is the first time your child has been separated from you. You will probably find, though, that within an hour or two – even on that first day – the lure of the kindergarten’s activities proves too great for her and she begins to edge away from you to sample the new play opportunities.
Here are some other facts discovered by psychological research on a child’s anxiety when he starts preschool:
– Tears at separation are strongest in the first two weeks; in most instances, a child’s distress declines after this short period.
– The need to cling to you when starting preschool does not mean your child will have emotional difficulties later on.
– A child who changes preschool may have anxieties about starting anew again even though she is already used to leaving her parents, thanks to a new and unfamiliar environment.
– In many instances, a child’s normal distress when starting preschool can last up to four or five weeks before it eases.
– One study found that children who took time to settle in were more alert, curious and assertive once they felt at ease.
Here are some suggestions to stop those early “teething troubles” from becoming major problems.
Attendance at any form of pre-kindergarten activity gets your child used to interacting with others. Occasionally, using a babysitter also helps her get used to being separated from you. Help your child practise by taking her to group playdates more often, or to a new playground where there are plenty of novelties to explore — this reframes the unfamiliar as interesting and exciting, rather than scary.
She needs you to remind her that she will be safe in kindergarten and that she will have good fun. Hold her hand, lead her into an activity and keep telling her that you are pleased because she manages so well. If you're experiencing something new together, model for her by pointing out interesting things and encouraging her to explore.
You probably showed her around before she started, but there’s no harm in repeating this. One of your preschooler’s concerns might be that she doesn’t know how to find her way around. Point out where she'll go for the toilet, naptime, and snacks, plus any areas of play she might be interested in.
You know you will pick her up and go home at the end of the day, but that fact may not be obvious to your preschooler. Explain that you will be back soon — she won’t understand phrases like “in three hours” or “at 11am” — as this will help calm her.
On arrival at the school, find a staff member, give your child a quick kiss, hug and goodbye, then hand her over to that adult. Leave the kindergarten without dawdling. The briefer this exchange, the better. It may be hard for both yourself and your child at first, as you might want to linger and observe her, but it gets easier over time.
Tell her how pleased you are with her for staying in school for a couple of hours without you beside her. Remind her of all the fun she had and ask her to tell you all about the activities she was involved with while there, and who she played with. When going to school the next day, bring up the previous day's activities and get her excited about continuing to play and learn with her friends — it'll make the drop-off easier.
This article was first published in Young Parents.