Allan Wu On His Toughest Parenting Moment So Far
Watching his kids grow up is a "double-edged sword", says the actor
By The Weekly -
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To mark Father’s Day 2023, The Singapore Women’s Weekly got cosy with four celebs to hear their dad stories – how they find work-family balance, how silly they can get for their kids, and… how they deal with dad guilt (yes, it’s real).
“Best thing to ever happen to me,” actor Allan Wu says of fatherhood, during our interview. “Being a parent makes me want to be a better person; I want to set an example for my kids. I want to show them how to do good and do right; I want them to be proud of me.”
The 51-year-old has two children, Sage, 18, and Jonas, 17, with ex-wife Wong Li-Lin. The youngsters live with their mum but get to meet their dad every Saturday. Time with the kids is a priority for Allan. “I don’t see them as often as I’d like, especially since they are also busy with school, friends and hobbies," he lets on. "I don’t think they understand how much our time together means to me. But to be fair to them, I never hung out with my own parents when I was at this age!”
Allan has been working hard to stay involved in his children’s lives. His IG posts are sprinkled with snippets of these precious moments: he cheers Sage on at her basketball matches; he plays frisbee with Jonas by the beach; the trio checks out new eats. “I hope they understand that although mum and dad have separated, we are united in raising them and instilling good values,” he says.
Meanwhile, fatherhood has taught him some lessons too: patience, humility, and in particular, an awareness of his own mortality. He still enjoys zipping about in a motorbike but whispers with a smile, “I’m mindful not to go too fast. I don’t do as many extreme activities such as skydiving. Even while working out, I’m easier on my body - I can feel the effects of ageing! I want to stay healthy so I can continue playing sports with my kids.”
Congratulations! Sage has been accepted into Stanford University, where she starts in September!
It’s wonderful; I can’t be more proud of her! I wasn’t sure if she could get in but she’s worked really hard. She hasn’t decided what she’s going to pursue though, because she has so many interests. But I think she’s in a good place and will meet many people, so she will find out eventually.
Does Jonas feel the pressure?
Well, he might because Sage is so accomplished. But we never compare them; it’s natural to have sibling rivalry. I think he’s doing well, I want him to be happy and to do his best. It’s also a challenge for him, to take the pressure positively and to be able to overcome it.
My parents were very traditionally Chinese, hence wanted my brother and I to do well academically. I ended up in the University of California at Berkeley, where I had to deal with my own fair share of challenges. That taught me to be resilient and bold; otherwise, I wouldn’t have been able to pursue my career in acting and hosting across US, Taiwan, Hong Kong, Singapore, China, and back to Singapore.
You have described yourself as a tiger dad.
I meant it as a joke in that interview! But people assumed so because my kids turned out to be high achievers. OK, when they were younger, I might have pushed them athletically - and only in that aspect. I asked them if they thought I was a tiger dad - TBH, I didn’t mind being called one - and both said no. You know, I don’t see them enough to be a tiger dad... well, maybe I’m more of a helicopter dad.
Do your kids know how famous you are?
I didn’t think I was very famous but they have noticed strangers recognising me for a very long time. I attended a movie premiere with my son, and he’d brought a friend along. His friend said to me, “Yes, I remember watching you on Channel 8.” And I went, “You must have been really really young then.” The kids are pretty low-key about the fame thing. I guess you can say that they make do with their parents.
What’s most difficult about fatherhood?
Dads don’t get enough credit for raising the kids; everyone worships their mum. But it’s our fault - we are often stuck in the traditional paradigm as the breadwinner. Toughest moment so far? Watching them grow up. It’s a double-edged sword. I miss those days when I was their world. It was hard to let go, even though it was wonderful. Now they have their school, friends and hobbies.
On the other hand, I feel grateful that the kids are very independent. I didn’t consciously inculcate this - it just happened. It stems from their self-confidence. Sage has spent some time living in Paris by herself at a family friend’s apartment. She’s spending a month there absorbing all the culture, taking cooking classes, exploring the museums. It’s a testament to her maturity, both physically and emotionally.
I won’t say I’d worry when Sage starts dating. It’s great if she wants to. But my advice to them is: focus on yourself now. Who you are now will be very different from who you will become 5 years later. Use the time now to discover yourself - you don’t have to date just because it’s cool. Don’t let someone else become your world. I don’t mean to sound selfish but time can be better spent to define yourself instead.
Do you struggle with “dad guilt”?
I do! I try my best to spend time with them, but sometimes if they don’t want to see me, at least I’ve done my part to reach out.
Are you the father you’d strived to be?
I have tried to be. My father was a very traditional dad. He spent a lot of time at work. I’m totally fine with that! But when I became a dad, I thought I wanted to be more involved with my children’s lives. I wanted to teach them important values and skills that I felt were important.
What have you unlearnt and/or relearnt while parenting Zoomers? Did you have to secretly Google any Gen-Z slang?
[Laughs] Of course. I text them paragraphs, and they‘d reply with strange 3-letter acronyms. They never type complete sentences, just abbreviations of jargon I’ve never heard of. Initially I thought it was a typo, then I decided to Google and realised, “OIC”.
Polyester blend jacket, Cotton T-shirt and cotton pants, Boss.
How does being a father influence how you use social media?
As a dad, I need to consider carefully that the messaging must come out right. I don’t do anything tasteless. Sometimes it can be a little racier but since I’m a dad, I do take note of the context and the content. The kids cringe whenever I share a topless shot, but hey, if it inspires others to work out and live healthy, isn’t that a good thing?
My kids prefer that I don’t use some of their photos because they are so self-conscious. But I feel it’s nothing bad. I usually let Sage check her photos before I post on my IG but there was one about her going to Stanford that I didn’t get to. When she asked why, I said because I was too happy. I’d waited 18 years for this moment! It’s one of the best schools in the world! Some parents even DM me to ask how I did it!
Photography: Jasper Yu
Fashion styling: Angela Chu
Hair & makeup: Laea Hidayah
Location: InterContinental Singapore
In this video, Allan dons a onesie and answers questions from Gen Alpha. Which Disney princess would he marry? What's his advice to those who need to fart in a crowded lift?
Tap play to find out what went on.