6 Reasons Your Child Acts Out More When You're Around
These parenting strategies can help manage your child and sanity
Strange but true: your young child is naughtier when they are with you. Why don't they "bully" other people?
For starters, there is the novelty factor. The relative unfamiliarity of another person can have a very stabilising effect on a kid's behaviour. For example, if your aunt cared for your child every day, their excitement at being with them would soon wear off. You can be sure they’ll misbehave with them occasionally, as well.
Secondly, time is a factor. Unlike others, you can’t hand them back after a few hours. They also don’t spend the whole day with your kid, dealing with every challenge the child meets and ensuring that their schedule runs according to plan.
Finally, others may be able to provide a broader range of activities in an environment that also has more social opportunities. That’s one reason your kid is usually better behaved at preschool than they are at home.
If their behaviour is always different with you around and if it concerns you, consider if you need to change the way you manage them. These questions, with input from child psychologist Dr Richard C. Woolfson, could help you navigate their behaviour going forward.
If you do, it’s likely that they’ll fail to meet your expectations. Think about the standard of behaviour you want them to meet.
It may be unrealistic, for example, to expect them to sit quietly for an hour and play on their own, or for them to finish their meal quickly without messing with their food.
Of course, you need clear limits on your child's behaviour – these guidelines help them learn to think about themselves and others.
But flexibility can be useful, for instance, when they are tired or feeling unwell. Don’t be afraid to bend the rules occasionally, particularly when you are on a family outing.
Although punishment can be appropriate at times when your child misbehaves, try to use rewards more frequently.
Punishments focus on things your little one did wrong, whereas rewards point to what they did right. So, learn to balance both.
Children thrive on it and if your kid thinks that they don’t get enough attention from you, they may resort to misbehaviour.
As far as they are concerned, negative attention is better than no attention at all. So don’t wait until your little one does something wrong before spending time with them.
Living with a young child can be very demanding and it is very easy to fall into a negative relationship, especially if they are challenging. You might end up criticising and nagging them more than you expected. Try to adopt a positive approach.
Your kid needs plenty of stimulation, so they enjoy having a busy life. If their schedule is too hectic, however, they'll become irritable and uncooperative despite your good intentions. In this case, doing less during the day could lead to an improvement in their behaviour.
A version of this article first appeared in Young Parents.