Doing Confinement Overseas On Your Own? Here Are Four Essential Coping Skills To Learn

When Rima B., 31, and Halifi I., 34, found out they were expecting a baby in 2021, they were ecstatic. The couple had waited for six years before deciding to start a family, and were excited to welcome their daughter home.

However, the couple, who live in Melbourne, Australia, soon realised they would be going through the infamously difficult confinement period alone. At the time, the world was still dealing with the ramifications of Covid-19. This meant flying Rima’s family from Singapore and Indonesia, or Halifi’s family from Perth, was near impossible. 

“We had lived by ourselves for almost seven years so it wasn’t anything new, but we knew it wasn’t going to be easy either. We had to find ways to make it work,” shares Rima. 

Finding the right food sources

To prepare for Rima’s confinement period, the couple went to an Asian grocer and bought herbal ingredients known to speed up postpartum recovery, such as red and black dates, ginseng roots and ginger. The dates and ginseng were slow-cooked in a pot for drinking, while ginger was added to every meal, such as pea and mint soup with bone broth as well as steamed threadfin fish.  

The Muslim couple also had the added challenge of sourcing for Halal food and ingredients. Halal eateries were at least 10km away from home, way past the Covid-19 movement restriction of 5km.

“On the surface, it seemed like we were prepared, but when you are still recovering from a C-section wound, sleep-deprived, struggling with breastfeeding and doing everything for the first time, you function based on instincts, and what feels right and do-able at that point,” she shares

For instance, cooking and freezing confinement food in large batches turned out harder than imagined. "Though we had the ingredients, some of the postpartum recipes took so long to make that we ended up just eating whatever we could prepare in the shortest amount of time. For this to be sustainable, we should have learnt recipes that were simpler and quicker to make,” shares Rima.

Getting used to a different culture

Rima, who graduated with a degree in Nutrition and is working for a pharmaceutical company, shares that her experience with the hospital in Australia was world’s apart from her friends’ experience in Singapore.

“Western confinement isn’t the same as we know it in Asia. They emphasise resting, but not much else. Believe it or not, my first meal post-birth was cold milk and Weet-Bix, a local breakfast cereal that looks like a granola bar. This would certainly not fly in Asian countries, where we value keeping warm and nutritious meals that aid in recovery and breastfeeding.

Post-birth, the couple reached out to a lactation consultant and their GP via phone and video calls for care advice. They also managed to find a postnatal massage service in Melbourne. However, unlike in Asia, this was a novelty and prices were steeper. 

“The postnatal massage packages here do not include jamu (a traditional Indonesian medicine) nor body binding, but the masseuse did give some good advice on how to massage around the c-section incision,” she says.

Calling in reinforcements

Rima is currently expecting her second baby. With the pandemic in the rear view mirror, she is doing her confinement differently. 

This time, Halifi’s parents are flying to Melbourne for the first four months, and Rima’s parents for the next three. “That is seven months of solid help – more than we could ever dream of! I’ll be able to focus solely on resting and breastfeeding, knowing that our food and basic housekeeping will be taken care of,” she says.

For couples who have to manage newborn care and confinement on their own, particularly outside of Asia, she has these four tips:

#1 Manage your expectations about Western postpartum confinement

Rima was surprised at the stark difference between the way Westerners and Asians handle the confinement period. Understanding the differences allows you to prepare the necessary beforehand. 

“Based on my personal experience here in Melbourne, postpartum care felt more clinical. For example, you would be asked questions like: Do you have a temperature? How is your blood pressure doing? Any concerning blood clots post-birth? These are all very important, of course, but it means you need to plan for your emotional and mental support which is just as critical,” says Rima.

Finding professionals that offer services similar to Asian confinement practices is not impossible, but takes a lot of time and patience.

#2 Do not underestimate the power of good nutrition

Do your research on herbs, teas, and vitamins. 

“I cannot emphasise the importance of nutrient replenishment. From my research, and my understanding as a graduate of Nutrition Studies, I’ve learnt that postpartum depletion is linked to the risk of perinatal and postnatal anxiety, and even depression and fatigue years after childbirth. 

Confinement food and services would only last you for the first month, so you need something more sustainable and not too difficult to prepare. For me, they were organic wholefood supplements, but it’s best to check with your doctor on what is most suitable for your body. The one I found helped me tremendously when it came to energy, immunity, and vitality,” shares Rima.

#3 Partners must play their part

“Our children and family deserve a mother who is thriving, rather than just surviving. My husband worked hard to support me, while juggling tonnes of work. He’d prepare everything I might need before his day started, including hot herbal tea, warm water in a thermos, breakfast and lots of snacks. He also washed and sterilised all my breast pump equipment. He did all the grocery shopping, and cooked all the meals until I was mobile enough too," she recalls, adding that his patience and words of affirmation also helped tide her through "insane postnatal rage".

#4 Get out for movement

“Going for a walk in the sun makes a world of difference in regulating your hormones. We were able to do that once I was a bit more mobile. And once I started paying attention to my well-being, I started to stress less about what I can’t do and focus more on what I can do and adapt to difficult situations. Small things like having a pile of dirty dishes in your sink  will not feel like the end of the world. I became more patient - if that mountain of laundry cannot be folded right now, it’s totally okay.”