Evelyn Tan Admits Homeschooling Was “Too Much For Me To Take On”

Actress Evelyn Tan has always taken the road less travelled when it comes to raising her kids, from living on a boat to homeschooling her children. But the 51-year-old — married to fellow actor Darren Lim — revealed it hasn’t always been smooth-sailing. They are parents to Kristen, 21, Jairus, 19, Way, 17, and Elliot, 13.

Opening up about the challenges of homeschooling, she admitted that she might have chosen a different path had she known her sons had dyslexia.

On a recent episode of Rebecca Lim’s DNA talk show, Evelyn and Kristen sat down to chat about their unconventional life, from their years on a boat to Kristen’s rebellious teen phase and adjusting to a mainstream school, and the homeschooling struggles Evelyn faced.

Life on a boat, and after

The family of six had moved on board when Kristen was eight years old, and only returned to land when she was 12, for her to focus on and take her PSLE.

Their first boat was a monohull, and they later upgraded to a roomier catamaran with three bedrooms —  one for Evelyn and Darren, one for Kristen, and one for the boys.

And in case you’re wondering (like Rebecca did), no, the boat did not have an Internet router. Nor did they have a lot of TV time, with the kids getting half an hour of iPad time each week. But Evelyn believes that living without these modern distractions was what contributed to their family’s connectedness.

Living in such close quarters didn’t just teach them how to share space, but also how to live and support one another.

In 2016, the family moved back ashore. They now live in a three-bedroom condo in Upper Changi. The biggest change for Kristen? Giving up her own room to share one with her brothers. Not quite what we’d expect for an only girl and 21-year-old to take well, but Kristen says that they are respectful of each other’s spaces and enjoy the current arrangement.

Homeschooling and the struggles with her son’s dyslexia

Sharing her and Darren’s reason for taking the homeschooling route, Evelyn said that it was most important for them to raise their children to be good citizens. “If they’re not that smart academically, it’s still fine. We can then put more into the values that we impart to them.”

They were fortunate to connect with and be encouraged by other homeschooling families. While Kristen thrived in the environment, the challenge came when they discovered their sons had dyslexia.

“Jairus was about [in] Primary One and he was still not able to read. And I felt something was amiss,” Evelyn recalled, adding that he would struggle with simple words and had a hard time accepting his condition.

Yet, homeschooling allowed them to take the time to address his emotional needs, she said — something he likely wouldn’t have gotten in a mainstream school, with the pressure to meet expectations.

Homeschooling eventually took its toll

Evelyn finally decided to stop homeschooling when things got rough, particularly during the Covid-19 period.

“We faced several issues,” she admitted. “I had to deal with the lack of social interaction for my number three (Way), who is a very, very sociable person.”

I think the last straw came when my health was not doing too well. I realised that you know, maybe it was a little bit too much for me to take on.

Turning to Kristen, she recalled: “I remember I was screaming at the brothers a lot, right?”

“I was struggling,” she added candidly. “I tend to think that maybe you know parents, mothers especially, are like that right? We try to give the max that we can of ourselves to our boys.”

“But even the airlines will tell you that in times of turbulence, you have to take care of yourself first. So, I learned that in a rough way, but I’m thankful for that.”

Evelyn once asked Kristen to move out

Kristen now calls her mum her best friend, but that wasn’t always the case. She admits to going through a phase in her teens when she “wasn’t the most pleasant child to deal with”.

Evelyn remembers Kristen as the “ideal child” growing up — compliant and rarely argumentative. But all that changed when she “started wanting to be autonomous”.

“That was when we were like, what happened? We didn’t see this coming. It was a real 180-degree flip. There were times when she was really, really testy.”

One of the biggest clashes came because of Kristen’s curfew when she was around 16 years old.

“When we’re teenagers, and we’re hanging out with our friends, it always extends way longer than we think it will,” she explains. “Sometimes, I don’t have the habit of texting my parents to let them know I’m still safe or at least let them know where I’m going.”

Evelyn chimed in, sharing that they went from setting a strict 11pm curfew to requesting that Kristen at least keep them updated. “But she didn’t even do that, so that was really when it got to us. It came to a point that we told her if you don’t want to listen to us, maybe just get out of the house.”

“And I didn’t want to do that. I mean, in this economy…” Kristen laughed. Looking back, she now understands the anxiety her parents must have felt with not knowing where she was or when she’d be home.

Marching to her own beat

While Kristen acknowledged that her parents’ careers influenced her career path, she’s charting her own journey.

Homeschooled till she was 17 years old, she went on to pursue a Diploma in Digital Film and Television at Temasek Polytechnic. “It was definitely kind of a culture shock,” she said, on the transition.

“I wasn’t used to the rigour of a public school, and even still, polytechnic is not that rigorous,” she laughed. “I learned to adapt, and I honestly really enjoyed my poly years.”

After graduating, she dove into performance-based pursuits, including taking part in several plays by Singapore theatre company Pangdemonium and forming a pop-rock band. “I feel most comfortable when I’m on stage,” she said with a smile.

Rebecca mentioned that many celebrity parents she’s spoken to aren’t keen on their kids following in their footsteps, but Evelyn and Darren are supportive of Kristen’s career choices.

Evelyn laughed, sharing that she focuses more on Kristen to stay true to herself, and added her perspective: “I believe they’re all made with their inner calling. If you try to dissuade them, it will make them ‘hotter’, and the more they want it.”

Watch the episode here:

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