Fandi Ahmad On His Childhood, Facing Rejection & Parenting Lessons
He also shares why he let his daughter travel the world alone at the age of 16
By Michelle Lee SM -
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Fandi Ahmad's a name that most, if not all Singaporeans are well-acquainted with. The local football legend is as well known for his feats on the football field, as he is for his humility and genteel personality. But beyond that, there's also a remarkable determination to succeed, the sacrifices he's had to make along the way, and a man who places his family at the heart of what he does.
His new biography, written by Durga Poonambalam of WriteHaus Asia, chronicles Fandi's life as a boy from the kampung, his rise to stardom, the subsequent pitfalls, and the family's agony of nearly losing his wife and mother of their five children, Wendy Jacobs.
Photo: WriteHaus Asia
"It's somewhat of a special project," Durga tells us. "I had just completed a book project when my husband Allan asked who I would choose to write for next. My immediate response was 'Fandi Ahmad'. He was surprised and asked why. I said 'Why not Fandi?' Football brings people together — Fandi brings Singaporeans together. I felt that it is important to honour and celebrate the life of someone who has contributed to that sense of belonging and Fandi is one of them."
Fandi, who turns 60 this year, shares nuggets of his life through the book, and he tells The Weekly more about his role as father and coach, parenting lessons he's learnt from his own childhood, and what he teaches his children about handling the spotlight.
Excerpts were taken from Fandi Ahmad's biography Fandi: Honour & Sacrifice, published by Writehaus Asia.
Fandi's formative years were spent within a kampung community along Yio Chu Kang. Like many boys of his age, his zeal for the sport started with street football, often sneaking out after school to play for hours with his friends. Basketball courts and roads became their "fields", and there were no rules except for one — "remember your position when we stop for the cars to pass!" he recounts.
This proved instrumental in him perfecting his agility, defense skills, long shots, free kicks, dribbles, and other playmaking skills that took him places in his career. He shares in the book, "My agility and instinct for the game came from years of dynamic movement, from climbing trees, catching spiders, grasshoppers, and chickens, chased by dogs and loving life in the outdoors."
"I had to set the bar higher and prove myself I could do it. I wanted to be the best. The benchmark we set for ourselves is far more important than those others set for us." - Fandi Ahmad
That and a tenacious attitude, along with the power to detach himself from the negatives in his life, led him down a path he'd never thought possible.
"I challenged limits within myself harder than I had the day before. I knew I had skills, but I was also small-built. Therefore, I had to set the bar higher and prove to myself I could do it. I wanted to be the best. The benchmark we set for ourselves is far more important than those others set for us."
Rejections are part and parcel of life, and it's no different for Fandi.
In his personal life, his parents divorced when he was 12, with his mother deciding for his younger brother to live with her. Though he understood that her choice had to do with his brother being a toddler, it nevertheless left him hurt and confused. But it also fuelled his devotion to football, and became a way to deal with his mother's absence. "Soon that became my way of dealing with everything in life," he says.
His first taste of rejection in the sport was also at the age of 12 in 1974. With encouragement from his primary school teacher, he entered the prestigious Milo Soccer School scheme that groomed promising young players and was crushed when he didn't get selected.
Later on in his career, he faced rejections stemming from language, cultural and physical differences when he played abroad, especially when he went to Europe in 1983; he never felt undeserving of his position, just unwelcome at times.
However, he considers rejection as a way to learn more about himself, as a lesson in convincing others about what he has to offer, and for change to happen. "I went out of my way to make friends when I played overseas. I learned their language and bonded with people outside of football. This way, I had something in common with them, and they were more likely to include me," he adds.
He has carried this notion with him through adulthood. In fact, when we asked what he would tell his younger teenage self, he says "I would tell my younger self the same thing — to go after my dreams with hard work and dedication. I would not change the experiences and exposure I gained as a young footballer. Those were incredible times and made me who I am."
But life has also dealt him a bad hand. He opens up about the two failed investments he'd made in the early 2000s; despite pulling out of the partnership earlier on, being the guarantor for a used car dealership company landed him with massive debt. Through the support of loved ones and close friends, as well as significant lifestyle adjustments, the family managed to pull through.
During this time, he was plagued by plenty of self-doubts. "It was a chilling thought, but I wondered if I would ever survive the nightmare I was in. I now know that runnng a business is not for me. So, I focus on what I love and know best — football. My advice to younger players is to make sure they invest their money wisely."
"Many would want to take advantage of you when you are in the limelight. Trusting people was something I never had to second-guess; I always believed the best in people. I was gullible in the past, and my family and I have suffered because of it," he continues, adding that he mostly works with trusted brands now.
Having tied the knot for 25 years, Fandi and South African former model Wendy Jacobs are the picture of marriage goals. But it was not without its dark moments, when Wendy suffered a mysterious near-fatal illness that led to seizures, strokes, and two cardiac arrests.
It was a time of fear and desperation for Fandi and the family. "My hands were tied," he recalls. "I did not know how to help Wendy, except to stay strong. So, I told myself that the only thing I could do for her was to stay optimistic. No matter the situation, I was not leaving her side."
Bedridden, Wendy's ordeal lasted three weeks in the hospital, with two brain surgeries and numerous hours of physiotherapy, before she could finally leave the hospital. It also left her wheelchair-bound for a year.
To date, they have no real clue of what happened to her, and life for Wendy today is about nursing her health. She lives by these words now: "Laugh when you can, eat well but healthily, do the things you love, see the world, and tell your family you love them every day because the gift of time is not yours or mine to keep."
Growing up with famous parents, Fandi and Wendy's five kids are no stranger to being in the public eye and have been frequently likened to another high-profile family — the Beckhams.
Fandi's four sons share the same passion for football as he does. Irfan, 25, and Ikhsan, 23, play for Thailand's BG Pathum United. Ilhan, 20, is in the Singapore Premier League club Albirex Niigata, while Iryan, 16, is an Anglo-Chinese School (Barker Road) student and member of the Hougang United U-17 team. Meanwhile, his daughter Iman is a psychology graduate as well as a model and singer.
Unsurprisingly, they have also grown to become influencers of their generation, from appearing in magazines to travelling the world for fashion shows and photoshoots, and meeting international football greats.
Having been catapulted into the limelight himself, he instills his personal values in his children. On teaching them to handle fame, he says, "They have been in the spotlight since the day they were born, it can be hard and I understand that. But the best way to handle the spotlight is to remain true to yourself and so I always remind them to stay humble, kind and respectful."
While football makes up a huge part of the lives of Fandi and his sons, he says that they don’t talk about it very much at home.
He says, "I do watch their games to see how they are progressing. As a father, I must share my feedback with them so that they can improve and do better. But on the field as a coach, I treat them as I would any player. If they perform poorly, I will be harsh on them and if they do well I will praise them. As a coach, I think about the team and remind my sons to also do the same."
It's hard to imagine parents, especially Asian parents, allowing a sixteen-year-old to take a gap year between her studies to travel, much less alone. But this was exactly what Iman wanted, to understand her interests and where life might lead her.
The now 22-year-old says, "I wasn't confident about the person I was. So, it was hard for me to decide on my studies and career. I didn't wish to end up chasing a certificate or a job opportunity that did not satisfy my interests or aspirations."
She adds, "It was an enriching experience as I navigated through different cultures. During my travels, I discovered more about myself and what I was capable of. I realised I had an active and independent streak." She, however, reveals that she also worked at a hair salon in between travels to appease her father.
Initially reluctant, both Fandi and Wendy eventually relented. He lets on, "It was hard to allow a young girl to travel alone, but Iman is a determined young woman and we wanted to let her explore and understand the ways of the world. Though my parents wanted me to study as a young boy, all I wanted to do was play football. They respected that and encouraged my career when they knew I was serious about it."
"As parents, we can support and guide them on their journey but ultimately they have to learn how to make their own choices. Iman is doing very well for herself with her music and modelling career. As a psychology graduate, she is also exploring how she can pursue a career in the industry. I am very proud of her achievements."
"My childhood was very carefree and I enjoyed it very much," Fandi muses. "Playing street football as a child is what developed me as a player and contributed to my success as a footballer. My parents were open and encouraged my passion once they realised that this is what I wanted to do."
His father Ahmad Wartam, who was himself a former national goalkeeper, imparted values of positivity, openness, humility, and work ethic to him. "He was instrumental in supporting my career and he shared the 3DS (Discipline, Dedication, Determination, and Sacrifice) with me. He would also train with me and the kids in the kampung."
He adds, "My mother never missed a game of mine and has supported me in everything that I do. While their separation affected me as a child, it made me independent and I understood what I wanted for my family."
So what does Fandi love most about being a father?
"I love being a father to my five children, the house is always noisy!" he tells The Weekly. "The greatest joy is seeing them pursue what their hearts desire and be happy. There is no greater feeling than that."
He continues, "The toughest will be managing everyone’s expectations and feelings — each of them has different personalities and interests. So learning to understand them and support them is always a work-in-progress."
Got a young aspiring athlete at home? We asked Fandi for his parental advice.
"Encourage and support their passion if they have one. These opportunities do not strike twice. The road will be hard — but what road isn’t? Every career requires hard work and dedication and hours of commitment and sacrifice — so why not do something you love?"
"Children will feel free to pursue their true passion if they see the support and encouragement from the family — give them time and they will flourish."
Fandi: Honour & Sacrifice, $28.90, is available at fandibook.com and all leading bookstores.