The Benefits Of Geriatric Pregnancy That Are Less Talked About

Being pregnant at 36, I had what the medical world called a “geriatric pregnancy”, or more currently termed “advanced maternal age”. Both are used to describe women who are 35 years or older at their estimated delivery date.

Initially, I found these labels harsh and offensive. I recalled conversations with several friends my age. Quite a number were at crossroads, debating whether to embrace motherhood in their late thirties or not. Some were contemplating freezing their eggs, while others had only recently found love but remained positive about becoming parents before hitting 40. Many of them had been trying for some time and still clung to hope despite passing the 35-year-old mark.

Truth be told, I had the same concerns and gave my husband the ultimatum at age 34, entering 35 – it was now or never. I was fully aware of the medical concerns and risks associated with later pregnancies for both mother and child. Thankfully for us, we conceived after six months of “properly” trying, which meant timing intimate moments to my ovulation cycle. 

Amidst these sometimes-depressing conversations, I decided to embrace it all – the terms (geriatric pregnancy, advanced maternal age, and the like), the doubts, the hopes – and started to see some significant advantages. I've come to believe that I'm managing this journey better than some expectant mothers younger than me.

This piece is my way of sharing this newfound perspective, because I've been through it, and it's time for more of us to embrace the silver linings of delayed motherhood. After all, the median age of first-time mothers in Singapore has been creeping up over the years, from 30.2 in 2012 to 31.4 in 2022.

Whether you are a prospective mum or you had a child later in life, take heart. Being an older mum comes with higher health risks, but also benefits aplenty.

Benefits of geriatric pregnancy

1. More friends and collective wisdom to tap on

Being a slightly older mum came with some unexpected perks. With more years under my belt, I had a broader network of friends I could turn to for all sorts of advice. From lifesaving breastfeeding support groups to discovering the latest baby apps and must-have maternity items, I was in the know.

At first, I had few close friends who were parents, but after I announced my pregnancy on social media, it was as if I got inducted into this secret sorority for mums. Friends and acquaintances who had been through it offered up the most heartfelt advice. I reconnected with a couple of friends who were younger but already mothers. One was even a childhood (read: kindergarten) friend who reached out to congratulate me as well as to offer help and advice. Before long, it was like I had a whole village of support and guidance.

2. Being financially stable helps ease the mental load 

Having established job security by my early thirties gave me peace of mind when it came to the financial aspect of family planning. With that stability, I could hire professional help. I got an awesome confinement nanny, and was able to extend her stay to six weeks instead of the traditionally four weeks of confinement. On top of that, I enlisted a helper who had experience with babies for at least two years to make those early days with a newborn more manageable.

I understand that not everyone can afford this – for instance, younger mums with fewer years in the workforce. Having a confinement nanny and a helper around was especially comforting and helpful when I was fresh out of labour as a first-time mum.

Just imagine the turmoil: painful down there (after delivery), painful up there (due to breastfeeding), the hormonal upheaval, trying to figure out a baby… Adding salt to the wound, young parents who are waiting for their BTO and have no choice but to live with their in-laws or parents while welcoming their first child may have it worse when insensitive comments are made and/or if the need to manage conflicts with siblings exist too. It is no wonder why postpartum depression is so real.

What’s more, friends my age or slightly older who had pretty much “closed their factories” generously handed down quality baby products, from clothes and cots to toys and books. This was something I noticed my younger expectant friends didn't enjoy. Raising a child in Singapore can be quite a financial challenge. So, those hand-me-downs were not just thoughtful gestures; they were also budget savers and stress reducers, especially for someone like me who does not enjoy shopping. 

3. An established relationship with the husband helps lay a solid foundation 

When I became a mum at 36, my husband and I had been together for 18 years. Yup, you read that right – 18 years of togetherness. By that time, we already knew each other inside out, and there was an unspoken level of trust and love that comes only with time.

While I was lurking in a public chat group for pregnancy and maternal tips, I noticed some mums complaining about their less-than-helpful husbands. In my case, my husband knew this would be an unnecessary point of stress and was totally on board with hiring a helper, since doing house chores has never been our forte. Our financial stability made that decision much easier.

Without a word, he also stepped in with figuring out the lengthy manuals of several gadgets such as my breast pumps, UV sterilisers, and fixing on car seats – another kryptonite of mine. 

While some couples deal with moving into new houses or navigating shared living spaces with in-laws, as a long-time couple, we were already living independently for quite some time. We had moved past the phase of arguing about chores and managing the dynamics of living with extended family.

Most importantly, we knew each other like the back of our hands. So when pregnancy brought its emotional rollercoaster, my husband was patient and understanding, steering clear of the careless comments that some other mums complained about. Save for one comment that made me cry immediately. (At 35 weeks pregnant, we were crossing the road when my husband said: “Why you walk so slow?” As someone who was pretty fit pre-pregnancy, that remark was so triggering.)

The challenges that came with parenthood strengthened our bond as a couple too. Shared moments that we once took for granted are now all the more cherished. Without having to say a word, we know how to complement each other and are ready to make sacrifices for our little one. As a long-time couple, we function like a well-oiled machine, making the journey into parenthood a pretty smooth one, though not without hiccups of course.

4. Wisdom and skills from years of work can be applied to motherhood

Parenthood felt like life's own classroom, and age came bearing some useful gifts, like the wisdom from years of work experience. 

A project management course I took in my early thirties that taught me about budgeting, timelines, and delegation proved to be a lifesaver in pregnancy and parenthood, as I applied those skills to budgeting for my baby, comparing insurance options, and managing those crucial milestone checks.

My background as a journalism major helped too, in the era of information overload. The internet, well-intentioned advice from family and friends, as well as persuasive vendors can create anxiety rather than empowerment. My years in school and experience in freelance writing taught me discernment, helping me filter the noise and focus on what truly mattered.

Management skills also came in handy when juggling the confinement nanny, helper, and the mother and mother-in-law. Delegating tasks, managing schedules, and setting clear expectations made my transition to parenthood smoother and more organised. These skills (that usually come later in one's career) allowed me to leave confinement looking like a queen, and even gaining surprised gasps of "you're recovering so well”.

Final words

Physical and mental fitness matter more than age

While age matters, I firmly believe that our physical and mental well-being play a more significant role. Staying active and fit during my pregnancy helped strengthen my body and kept common pregnancy discomforts like backaches at bay.  

My fitness journey during pregnancy was diverse. Doing handstands gave me core and arm strength, which somewhat prepared me to handle my baby's weight. Engaging in long-distance swimming, biking, and running gave me a taste of the endurance required for motherhood. Waking up at 3am or 4am to pump milk is doable, as I have been accustomed to those early hours for regular bike rides before office hours.

My commitment to health and fitness paid off remarkably. At 32 weeks, I took a demanding 90-hour prenatal and postpartum yoga teacher training. It was two weeks of early mornings, long commutes, and intense training. Surprisingly, I managed to keep my energy up, even more so than some of my non-pregnant classmates. I also maintained an active lifestyle, meeting up with friends and going on long walks until I gave birth naturally at 38 weeks and 2 days. 

During labour, the nurses and my doctor suggested some positions that required some flexibility. Thankfully, my yoga training allowed me to execute them. Had my labour dragged on longer than eight hours, I imagine the mental and physical endurance training I got from running ultramarathons and going on long cycling trips would have helped. This resilience made labour, caring for my baby and recovering postpartum way easier.

Nothing is impossible

For those considering pregnancy at 35 or older, remember you're not alone on this journey. There may be heightened health risks, but on the bright side, you are more likely to cope better on the mental, social and financial fronts.

That said, it is still a good idea to consult healthcare professionals and assess your readiness both physically and emotionally. If you know someone who’s hesitant about trying because they think they have “missed the boat”, share this article with them and how the path to parenthood can be beautiful and rewarding at any age.

Laine Ng is a certified strength and conditioning specialist who has recently embarked on her postpartum fitness journey. Follow her fitness and motherhood pursuits on Instagram (@lamelaine) and DM her if you have burning questions. Who knows, you may find your answers here on womensweekly.com.sg!