Not All Screen Time Is Bad – Mums And Experts Weigh In On What Is Good Screen Time

We're living in a digital age and so are our children. It's tough to avoid screens as they're everywhere in our daily lives – from mobile phones to tablets to laptops and televisions. It's tempting to use a screen as a babysitter when we need to distract younger children and older kids could be using screens to learn at school. So while we can't get away from them, we can certainly learn good screen habits for our kids.

Many reports have already indicated that too much screen time is, of course, bad. A 2023 study showed an association between infant screen time and negative cognitive outcomes related to attention and executive functions (eg. focus, memory) later in life. Children who had an average screen time of two hours a day in the first year of their lives performed badly in attention and executive functions at the age of nine.  

But at the same time, it has been shown that moderate levels of screen time can have a positive effect on a child’s wellbeing and mental health. Research from 2019 shows that children who spent between one to two hours a day engaged in screen activities are more likely to have better levels of social and emotional well-being than non-users.

Quality vs quantity 

So how can we differentiate between good screen time and bad? Dr Natalie Games, clinical psychologist at Alliance Counselling suggests setting boundaries and clear definitions for using it.  So, for school work, set an agreed time limit. For social/connection, it's okay for staying in touch with family and friends.

“Look at how your kids are spending that screen time, instead of how much of it. Be involved with your child's tech experiences,” says Dr Games. Playing or watching alongside your children offers several benefits – you'll be able to vet the content they are accessing, the child will learn more from the activity through your interaction and you'll bond through the shared experience. 

It's also important to tailor your approach to each child. As with other areas of parenting, what works for one child won't necessarily work for another, depending on their ages, personalities and needs. For example: your 10-year-old might be more careful about not playing inappropriate games or keeping your computer free of viruses than your 12-year-old.

How digital technology helps with learning

When balanced with other activities, screen time can be good for your child’s learning and development. Screen time can also be used to develop new skills, says Dr Games. They can pick up skills such as video-editing, creating video clips or animations, problem-solving skills when picking out the most appropriate clothes for online characters to wear in rainy weather, and communication skills such as learning a new language or chatting with relatives on video calls. Kids can also learn social skills when playing games that involve taking turns or playing as part of a team, and goal-setting skills are developed when wearing fitness trackers to set physical activity goals. 

For all this to happen, screen time should entail age-appropriate, good-quality media (for example, a game that involves critical or creative thinking). It should encourage traditional play and translate an interest into the real world (e.g. when playing Minecraft, a child develops an interest in building with boxes, glue and paper).

The best kind of screen time is when it is used for a purpose – such as going online to find instructions for a craft activity or searching for a map online of a holiday destination, “You could help your child learn about directions and distances by looking at the map,” says Dr. Games. It is also beneficial when a child can use it to produce content as opposed to just consuming it – like writing a blog or editing short movies. Adds Dr. Games, “Encourage your child to use technology to explain something to others. For example, after watching you cut up fruit, your child could make a video about making fruit salad. Your child could also learn how to edit the video and add subtitles and credits.”

“In my humble opinion, screen time is very educational for them mentally if they are using it for good purposes, such as research or reading about the latest news updates,” says Ming*, mum to a teenager who has been restricting screen time for her child since she was two and a half. “As a family, bonding over reading the news, watching movies or even gaming is also important. But in so doing, they do not develop bad behavioural issues of not connecting with the world, of impatience, lack of self-control and addiction. So, permitted screen time must have rules and boundaries to ensure the total development of the child.” She thinks parents must recognise that in our children’s world, technology literacy is crucial and “a total ban on devices would be cutting them out from an arm of their education”. 

Finally, it can be good to help your child explore interests and learn new things with friends – eg., when your child and a friend learn to play a new game together, chat using video messages, or make a video about a shared interest. “Get your child to take photos or videos of things that interest them – for example, cars or things in the garden. Then they could search for information about these things online and share the photos and information with others,” suggests Dr. Games. So, if your child loves painting or drawing, look for a painting app. Talk about the differences between painting on a screen and on paper. You can also encourage an older child to show their younger sibling how to play an age-appropriate game.

Above all, healthy boundaries are important

Ming admits that before she became a mum, she was highly amused that many parents, in their quest to 'hush' their children, would place an iPad or an iPhone on a stand once the child is seated at the table for a meal at a restaurant. What concerned her more was the fact that the children would ask for the device and if denied would throw a tantrum and the parents would relent. She and her husband came up with a rule which was enforced when their daughter turned two-and-and-half. 

“We told her, anytime you ask us for our phones, our immediate answer would be no, so the only person who would be disappointed would be you,” she shares. On occasions when they did hand her the device – as all other children at the table were on one – they would give her a time limit. And they were pleased that, without asking when the time limit was up, she would return the phone voluntarily.

“My daughter is now a teenager and I am proud to say that she uses her phone as a device of communication, and a little more today like reading her anime comics and doing Google searches,” she adds. “The greatest takeaway from the implementation of this rule is that she has self-control.

And the blessing for us all is we have wonderful family-dinner conversations.”

When setting limits on your child’s screen time, Dr Games says the rules don’t need to be rigid or extreme to be helpful. She adds it’s important to start with compassion when discussing limits with kids. “Unstructured screen time is an important source of comfort and entertainment for many children/teens so letting your child know that you understand their needs is a simple way to reduce stress for everyone. You can say to your child, ‘Look, I know you need a break. I know you need to relax,’” says Dr Games. That said, it’s also good to keep a schedule so that your child knows what to expect and when.

Real life practices

With all this information in mind, it’s good to know that some parents are able to put this into practice quite well in their family life.

Anna* is mum to a 10-year-old boy and the family has a general rule that screen time is limited to only TV in the household and preferably when there is no other outstanding school work that he needs to complete. In general, her family believes in the philosophy ‘everything in moderation’. 

She admits that there have been instances where she has allowed her son more screen time because she didn't have a choice. And she thinks this happens to all parents, in all households, at some point. 

“We always believe that in this ever progressing digital age that our children are born in, it is inevitable that they will be exposed to screen time, in various different forms and under different circumstances.”

Many children are learning about the world either through online educational programmes, or videos on TV. Her son, for instance, has a huge love for the natural world and has picked up so much knowledge just from watching documentaries on TV as well as YouTube. He has learnt not only proper ways for caring for his pets (aquarium fish, terrapins, spiders, caterpillars, the list goes on), but also about their habitats, feeding habits, scientific nature, and so much more. But she believes this should always be balanced with actual physical and experiential learning so they take him out to parks, nature reserves and on ocean excursions just to give him the opportunity to apply this knowledge he has acquired. 

The family also organises movie nights with the grandparents and often look forward to watching sporting programmes such as football matches and F1 races together.

“Our son trains five days a week for football and he often watches football videos that teach strategy and technical skills that have benefited his overall game,” she explains. “So screen time is not all bad if it’s moderated somewhat and under some form of supervision if your children are younger. “

Finally it’s important to model healthy screen time yourself. If you make a point of setting aside your own screens during set times, your children will be more likely to do the same without putting up a fight. Plus, taking breaks from tech has the added benefit of helping you limit your own media intake and giving you moments of mindfulness with your kids. “While the debate on exactly how many hours children can spend on their screens before it becomes unhealthy rages on, you can draw firm lines for tech-free times, such as during dinner, in the car or on school nights,” says Dr Games. 

Here are some quick tips for encouraging healthy screen time for kids, from Dr Games: 

1. Establish screen-time goals for yourself and as a family
2. Set device-free times and zones
3. Have fun outdoors – ensure there’s a balance with off-screen activities
4. Take frequent breaks – be a role model 
5. Pay attention to your child’s behaviour and emotions to ensure there is balance and wellbeing
6. Prioritise safety and wellbeing

*not her real name