How To Talk To Kids: "My Child Is A Bully. What Should I Do?"
A clip of a teen bullying a primary school child has recently emerged online
By Michelle Lee -
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Recently, news broke about primary school students bullying a classmate, with one even sending death threats to her parent. And in 2024, a video of a primary school student being repeatedly attacked by another boy was also circulated online. The video lasted around four minutes and showed the younger boy being taunted and hit by a teenager.
Unfortunately, school or playground bullying is a distressingly common occurrence, and as a parent, it is natural to be concerned about your child being targeted, especially at school where you aren't around to defend them or provide immediate support. But what if the roles are reversed and you get a call from the school that your child is being unkind to another student? For parents whose child is the "bully" in question, it can be particularly unsettling. However, it's also important to address it and get to the root of it promptly.
Below, Celynn Chang, senior counsellor, and manager at Boys’ Town Clinical Intervention Centre, shares more on how parents can intervene and approach the issue.
It is normal for parents to get angry or frustrated when they find out that their child is getting bullied. But children don't need their parents to overreact.
"What would be helpful for them is for parents to listen, reassure and support them. Brainstorm solutions to stop bullying before it happens or escalate," Celynn tells us. "Develop and prepare a toolkit of ideas for children to use in tough situations when it can be hard for them to think straight, like creating a list of responses, role-play 'what-if' scenarios."
There can be a myriad of reasons as to why your child is being mean or making fun of other children.
These include trying to get attention from teachers, peers or parents, trying to fit in with other kids, or perceiving the behaviour of others as being aggressive, even when it is not. They may also not comprehend how their behaviour is making the victim feel, especially younger children.
You may also want to look at the environment at home — especially if family members engage in behaviours such as shouting, name-calling or other hostile interactions that your child could model after.
Anxiety, trauma, or other mental health issues can also lead to behaving inappropriately, and your child might not necessarily be able to articulate it.
As you would if your child is a victim, stay calm and listen to a child who is a bully. Explain to them what bullying is and have a conversation about the reason behind their behaviour; being supportive and non-judgmental is key.
“Let your child know that such behaviour is unacceptable,” shares Celynn. “Create opportunities for restorative work to take place with the victim - this includes mitigating any possible conflict, facilitating open conversations between the children and acknowledging their feelings and thoughts, getting the child to apologise or write a letter of apology to the victim.”
“For bullying incidents that are severe and repeated, it is strongly recommended to seek professional help to deal with the stress that comes with bullying.”
This article was originally published on Sep 27, 2024 and updated on Aug 22, 2025.