Influencer Parents Are Cool, But Are They Making You Doubt Yourself?
Social media has a funny way of making us feel inadequate just by seeing others (aka influencer parents) enjoying life
We've all been there. One moment, you are scrolling through Instagram looking at your friends' posts, and the next moment you're comparing your life to theirs. And you're not alone in doing so. This is called 'social comparison', which refers to evaluating yourself by seeing how you measure up to those around you.
For better or for worse, Instagram seems to be helping to encourage this phenomenon. This study conducted in Singapore found that the more one uses Instagram, the more one engages in social comparison. This is further egged on by hashtags that allow people to search for certain types of photos. For example, if you were to search #motherhood, you would find lots of posts featuring happy mothers and their kids.
But is social comparison good? The short answer is: no. In fact, it can play a part in fuelling envy; think about the last time you saw your friends post about their day and thought to yourself, 'I wish I was doing that'.
Parent influencers, in short, are influencers who are parents. Some examples would be Naomi Neo (@naomineo_) and Zoe Raymond (@zoeraymondtan) who frequently post about their adorable kids.
If you follow such accounts, you'll often see the parents taking the kids out on various fun activities, enjoying lavish family holidays, and even posting sponsored content. Your feed will be cluttered with family portraits and adorable selfies where everyone is smiling.
As a parent, seeing all these posts can definitely take a toll on your mental health as you start comparing your life to what you see on social media. You might even start doubting yourself.
'Why are their children so well-behaved while mine throws tantrums? Should I try to do things this way instead? Am I doing something wrong?'
It can be hard to stay unaffected by social media content, but there are some things you can do to help you.
The key thing to always remind yourself is that social media isn't the real world. Instagram, especially, is often used as a curated album of people's best moments. It's not often you see influencers posting about their everyday struggles unless they are attempting to be #real with everybody.
All the everyday occurrences you have to deal with - from the tantrums to the 3am crying sessions, parent influencers face them too. They simply choose not to share it; in fact, this study showed that parents on Facebook normally posted about the happiest moments in their lives.
This other study focuses on mummy blogs and highlights how posting content online can result in a "loss of authenticity". If we apply the same concept to social media, we'll see that, especially with sponsored posts, it's more about selling a product than telling a real story.
In short, everything you see on social media has been carefully chosen for your viewing. Just sit on that for a bit. As an American pastor, Steven Furtick, once said, "the reason why we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind the scenes with everyone else's highlight reel".
However, while social media has definitely given ground for social comparisons to fester, it's important to know that parents have always been like this. In fact, take a look at your photo album. What's the ratio between the number of happy moments you captured you have versus the opposite?
When encountered with a difficult situation (such as your child refusing to stop watching TV), it's not often a person's gut reaction to pull out the phone and record a video.
It's important not to get swept up by the content you consume online. While it's easy to think that other parents have it easier, it's better to focus on your own parenting journey instead.
On that note, following parent influencers isn't all that bad. Some make it their mission to share their parenting tricks and tips with others, and you can definitely pick up a thing or two (or 20) from them to make life a bit easier for yourself.
However, it might be a good idea to stay away from those who post about the newest and most trending toys for their kids. This study shows that others posting positive moments in their lives can arouse envy in others. So whether you want to or not, seeing the curated feed of a parent influencer could cause you to want more or feel like what you have is inadequate.
As touched on before, consuming picture-perfect content from parent influencers can make you start to doubt your abilities. Seeing other mums provide "better" for their kids can make you feel like you are not doing enough.
However, the most important thing to remember is that motherhood is not a competition. Sure, maybe parent influencers can take their kids on fun and free excursions every week, but that's not a baseline that you have to follow.
All that really matters is if you are doing the best you can to make your own child happy.
A version of this story first appeared in Young Parents. Additional reporting: Terri Kue.