Jill Lim No Longer Wants To Be A "Do It All" Mum
“I’m a lot more comfortable saying no"
By Sophie Hong -
When she had her first child, Lily, Kiss92 DJ Jill Lim wondered whether she genuinely enjoyed being a mother. Fast forward 2.5 years later, the multi-hyphenated radio presenter who also writes, hosts and does voiceover work, is “having so much fun being a mother” and is ready to welcome her second child - also a girl - this July with her husband KC Meals.
“The newborn phase isn’t for me. It is stressful and boring and thankless,” she shares candidly. For her, the fun part started after the baby phase, when her daughter was able to express herself verbally.
“She talks and has opinions and imagination. It is the best, I love it!”
The road to baby number 2 wasn’t smooth sailing for Jill. There was another pregnancy before this, but it ended in an early miscarriage that she “didn’t even realise was happening”. It was a normal Friday - the bleeding started out of nowhere, but Jill went to work as per usual and even sat through a meeting. She attributes it to denial, adding that she kept googling what the bleeding could mean.
Her miscarriage was confirmed by her doctor on the same day. She declined a medical certificate and was back to work by Monday. When asked why she didn’t take any time off, Jill says she felt like she had to be at work, plus she felt physically fine. She admits that with hindsight, she should have prioritised herself.
“That was a nasty shock. Looking back, it was terrible timing - I was constantly stressed, not getting enough sleep and not eating right.”
“I was very lucky it happened early in the pregnancy, so I wasn’t too emotionally attached,” she says. She didn’t do a traditional confinement after Lily’s birth, but Jill took the miscarriage as a sign to reset, and ordered a cycle of confinement food. She swears that it made a world of difference in her recovery.
The couple had been trying to conceive for the whole of last year, and Jill is frank about the challenges they faced: “It was a personally tragic year. I lost two friends and work had been extremely stressful.”
It didn’t help that they were also in the trenches of parenthood. Jill was sleeping alone in their room as she had to wake up at 4am for her morning show, while KC - who only gets back from work at 9pm - was sleeping in Lily’s room because she was waking up every night due to teething pains. As a result, the couple barely saw each other.
“Trying to conceive felt very mechanical and my marriage wasn’t at its best,” Jill says of that time. She was so depleted to the point that she couldn’t bring herself to socialise or spend quality time with her husband, even on weekends.
“His questions of concern would annoy me,” she recounts. Eventually, she realised that the problem was her and took drastic action.
“I asked to be taken off the morning show. It just wasn’t worth being this miserable,” she says.
“I had to prioritise the marriage. Once that was back on track, things slowly fell into place,” she adds.
Jill revealed that she had always wanted three kids, but her “troublesome pregnancies” are making her reconsider. Her first pregnancy, which happened near the start of the Covid pandemic, was very isolating as Singapore went into lockdown just after she and her husband came out of quarantine, after having been in contact with an early Covid case. It was also a stressful time as KC’s business, Grease Monkey barbershop, was heavily impacted by the pandemic measures.
“[He] was out of work for those three months so we had the stress of possibly being a single-income household,” she recalls. On top of that, Jill had been placed on four months of bedrest at around 25 weeks due to an incompetent cervix.
Then came the delivery, which was rather traumatic in itself. The epidural didn’t work (which happens sometimes) and the baby showed signs of distress. For a while, the potential of an emergency C-section loomed over Jill, but Lily arrived safely after a couple of pushes and help in the form of forceps and an episiotomy to give the baby more space to come. Still, Jill sustained fourth-degree vaginal tears.
This pregnancy isn’t easier by any means for the second-time mum. Besides all-day morning sickness in her first trimester, Jill also experienced a threatened miscarriage. She had woken up from a nap and discovered that she was bleeding and passing clots, which set off alarm bells. Her gynae did a check and thankfully, her cervix remained closed and the baby’s heartbeat was healthy. Jill was then given a hormone injection and prescribed progesterone.
Now in her third trimester, she’s grappling with gestational diabetes - which can cause complications such as premature labour, pre-eclampsia and jaundice. Mums diagnosed with gestational diabetes also have an increased risk of developing type 2 diabetes in the future.
“I was really bummed out. I’ve only put on 3kg this pregnancy. The baby is a good size and I’m really watching what I eat now,” Jill says of her diagnosis, which came out of left field as she didn’t have any existing factors that put her at risk. She’s definitely worried about her baby being at risk for type 2 diabetes, and feels a degree of guilt.
“It’s a long shot, but it’s still a chance and I would be so guilty if that happens,” she adds.
When Jill first announced the good news on Instagram, the words “deeply miserable” and “pregnancy is kicking my a**” were used. It’s a refreshing departure from the usual pregnancy announcements, which tend to gloss over how uncomfortable it can get. Still, Jill is taking it all in her stride, and even seized the opportunity to go to Bangkok for a babymoon during the second trimester.
“Honestly, we didn’t do much but it was nice to just spend time alone with the husband before our world gets thrown into chaos again,” she says. She’s thankful for all the human interaction she’s been getting, which is a far cry from how isolating pregnancy had been for her the first time round. At the time of our shoot, Jill is halfway through the third trimester - the home stretch.
“This time, I’m leaning into being tired,” she jokes. And what does that look like?
“Sleeping when I want, passing off Lily to my helper as often as I need to. Zero guilt about this. Mum needs her rest before number 2,” she shares candidly.
“We actually have done a pretty rubbish job getting her prepared,” Jill admits readily when asked about her firstborn’s reaction. One day, Lily just happened to notice that her mummy’s belly is getting bigger - her exact words were “Mummy belly big!” - and that’s how Jill and KC broached the subject of being a big sister with her.
“She’s super excited to help and she understands that the baby will have to sleep with mummy and daddy for a while,” Jill shares. And it seems like there won’t be any sibling rivalry just yet.
“She’s naturally affectionate, kissing and loving on the belly without us prompting.” Still, Jill worries about how her firstborn will deal when the baby arrives. She explains that while Lily is extremely independent and protective, she has her own routine and hates it when things aren’t exactly as they should be.
“She’ll love her new sister fiercely, but will have trouble accepting that this new addition is going to want to do things her way,” she predicts.
As a second-time parent, Jill hopes that she’ll be more easygoing this time around. She confesses that she was “really strict” with Lily's schedule, which looking back now, seemed to be counter-productive.
“I would lose my mind every time she went through a developmental leap and I’d have to figure out her new routine, which honestly is just self-inflicted stress,” she explains.
With Lily, Jill didn’t hire a confinement nanny nor adhered to traditional confinement practices. It was a decision that she came to regret, as she was overwhelmed in the early days of motherhood with no helper, two big dogs and a colicky baby. She’s determined to do things differently this time around, and says that she will definitely be ordering a round of confinement food at the very least.
Another thing she’d be doing differently? Making sure that she takes all of her entitled maternity leave. With Lily, Jill only took three months of her paid maternity leave - eight consecutive weeks first, then one month of flexible leave. It might seem like a very gung-ho decision, but the radio DJ had good reason to do so.
“I needed to get out of the house!” she says. After all, she had been in isolation for so long, and she had a support system - which includes a helper, her parents and a close-knit team of colleagues - that allowed her to return to work sooner.
“We were still very much working from home as well. Lily was on a pretty reliable feed and sleep schedule so I was able to handle a lot of meetings with her in a crib next to me,” she adds. She had originally planned to take her last four weeks of maternity leave flexibly, but wasn’t able to do so as work got hectic. In the end, the remaining leave was forfeited.
“This time round I am taking every single second of my maternity leave. One child is easy, but with two children… I shudder at the thought,” she says. Jill plans to start with eight consecutive weeks of leave first, but will be back on air after a month to resume her weekly Sunday morning show at Kiss92. Her remaining eight weeks of maternity leave will be taken flexibly.
Jill has always been a career-oriented person - she started working in radio at the age of 18 while still schooling full-time, forgoing parties for schoolwork and a 9pm bedtime so that she could clock in for her 4:30am shift at the morning show.
Given that, it was rather unexpected when Jill - who has 13 years of radio under her belt - declares that she doesn’t advocate doing it all as a mum.
She puts it bluntly: “Sure you can, but why kill yourself?”
“I used to reply to emails regardless of time. If you sent me something at 10:30pm while I was breastfeeding and I saw it, that email would get replied to at once.”
“I refuse to do that now,” she says. “I’m also a lot more comfortable saying no to projects and rejecting invites to events. I have to be really passionate about the project, if not it can be dealt with the next working day.”
This realisation came after she became aware of how she was putting in extra work. She explains that pre-kids, she was able to volunteer for more tasks and projects just to “help out” or for the “experience”. Jill picked up new skills along the way, from programming to music management, events and social media analysis. These days however, she isn’t hesitant about drawing a line.
“At this point in my career, my superiors should know my work ethic and what I bring to the table,” she says.
“As long as I know I am doing an honest day’s work, who am I actually trying to impress?”
With a second baby on the way, Jill is fully bracing herself for the inevitable chaos. But ultimately, the soon-to-be mother of two highlights that there’s also so much to look forward to.
“The conversations that they will have with each other. Family trips. A unique bond with each of them,” she quips. “I find it incredible that parents can love multiple children so strongly and equally, but in completely different ways.”
Editor: Estelle Low
Photography: Lawrence Teo
Art direction: Michelle Lee
Wardrobe: Jill Lim and Michelle Lee
Hair: Kenneth Ong
Makeup: Ginger Lynette