Parents, Don't Let Tuition Be The Default

I have never been a fan of tuition or academic enrichment lessons for my children.

Over the years, I have written about how I would not send my kids – now 19, 16 and nine – for tuition unless they needed and wanted it.

When I wrote about my eldest child struggling with Chinese when he was in Primary 3, a reader who was a private tutor wrote to me and said that unless I took drastic action, my son was headed for tuition in the near future.

We did not get him help immediately as he had just started his football co-curricular activity and had training thrice a week until 6.30pm. He was not keen to spend another day on tuition and I would rather we spend time together as a family on weekends.

But, as it turned out, the reader was right. My son asked for tuition towards the end of Primary 5 when he struggled with composition writing and needed more help.

We found him a tutor who supported him through the Primary School Leaving Examinations (PSLE).

When it was my elder daughter’s turn to sit the PSLE, I expected that she would need help and gave her the option. But she was resistant to the idea and relented only in March of her Primary 6 year.

It was late, but we found her a tutor who coached her over Zoom as we were then in the thick of the Covid-19 pandemic.

Both kids did reasonably well in Chinese language by our standards, and I did not regret letting them make the call on tuition.

Could they have done better if we had sent them for classes week in and out, from pre-school or lower primary? Perhaps, but at what cost? With the time saved from attending extra academic classes, they had more time to play, rest, read and bond.

Instead of spending time weekly trying to improve in a subject they were average at, they had time to develop their interests and strengths – ranging from art to music to football. And they picked up many other life lessons through these activities.

I’m likely in the minority of parents who think this way. The latest household expenditure survey shows that Singapore families’ spending on private tuition for their children in 2023 hit an all-time high of $1.8 billion.

The amount has been steadily increasing over the years, from $1.1 billion in 2013 to $1.4 billion in 2018.

This is despite measures and efforts by the Ministry of Education to reduce the unhealthy emphasis on academic results.

More worrying is the trend of the top 20 per cent of households by income spending more than four times the amount spent by the bottom 20 per cent of households by income.

Anecdotally, a friend who has a child in the integrated programme in secondary school says it is common among her kid’s friends to have tuition for multiple subjects. A teacher handling the top Primary 6 class in his school says more than half have tuition.

Tuition may be necessary and helpful for some children who are lagging behind, and those who may need more help and explanation to understand concepts.

But for children who are attending tuition just because it is the “norm”; or it is one way for parents to keep them occupied or motivated; or because their friends have tuition, perhaps parents could consider if their kid’s time could be better spent elsewhere.

My teacher friends tell me some students see tuition as a crutch. Kids think they can ask their tutor anyway, and so do not pay attention in class. Some are disengaged in class as they have already been taught the lessons by their tutor. Either way, the child is not an active participant during lessons.

Children who do not need the extra academic help may thrive better with downtime and time to recharge. Even better if they have time to assimilate and consolidate all the information fed to them, say educators.

Studies have shown that overscheduling a child does more harm than good and may lead to burnout in the long run.

Over the years, I have seen the value in letting my teenagers decide if they want tuition, even if they are failing a subject.

Even though it was difficult for me to watch them struggle, the farthest I would go was to remind them that I could get them a tutor if they wanted one. I left the final decision to them.

My offer has been met with varied responses.

“Let me try it on my own first” or “I think I should be able to do it” have been two of them.

I have always trusted that they will try their best and want to do well and, as a result, will let me know if they need help. They eventually asked for help in 2024.

When parents give their child the power to decide whether to have tuition, the child gains autonomy and learns personal responsibility.

I may have also unintentionally used reverse psychology when I suggested they cancel or postpone tuition when they looked tired. The reply? No, I am fine, I want to go for tuition.

When a child realises he has agency and takes charge of his learning, he will be more motivated to do well.

When my son’s birthday in 2024 fell on the day of his tuition, he requested to have a simple celebration the night before so he would not miss his lesson at 7pm.

So, parents, don’t let tuition be the default. Give your child the power to decide if he needs and wants it.

Jane Ng is a senior correspondent at The Straits Times who covers parenting and education stories. She also writes a monthly column, Minor Issues, where she mulls over her own parenting dilemmas.

This article was originally published on The Straits Times.