I’m Having My 4th Child at 29 — Absolutely No Regrets
“It’s easy to look at other people’s lives and be envious, but that’s a tiring way to live,” says 29-year-old Mavis Huang who’s expecting her fourth baby
By Mavis Huang as told to Ng Mei Yan -
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At the age of 23 when her peers were busy partying and travelling, Mavis Huang had her first child. Now 29, she’s expecting her fourth. With more Singaporeans delaying marriage and having children, Mavis shares why she chose to start a family young.
Most 22-year-olds in Singapore would be navigating typical early adulthood challenges like keeping up with school or getting used to their first real job. But me? I decided to get married.
I met my husband Joel at a church study group when I was 13 years old. Despite our eight-year gap, we became good friends. Over the course of time, we discovered that we share similar values on life and spirituality.
Things only turned romantic much later. I was 18 when we started dating. At that time, I was a polytechnic student while Joel was a freshly minted teacher.
The age gap was never really an issue for us, except when it came to our childhood experiences. For instance, who the heck is Captain Planet?!
My parents were not worried about our age difference as a couple. They trusted my judgement. Besides, they had met Joel on earlier occasions when he and other churchmates came to our home for performance rehearsals.
Meanwhile, Joel’s parents had reservations at the start of our relationship but eventually gave us their blessings.
Watch the video as Mavis and Joel recount their journey from dating to parenting.
Knowing he’s the one
I don’t believe we know what we need in a life partner until we meet that person. In my case, that person was Joel.
Throughout our early friendship, I was struck by his kindness and generosity for young people, especially those who might be socially awkward or felt excluded. As a teenager, I was also prone to the occasional angry outbursts, but he was always patient with me.
More importantly, we connected deeply each time we conversed and were aligned when it came to marriage and children — we both wanted kids. After about four years of dating, it felt natural to take our relationship to another level. I was already financially independent, working in a media production role for my church.
This was how in 2018, I became a bride at the ripe young age of 22.
I always knew I wanted to be a mother
Soon after our wedding, I woke Joel up one early morning and hauled him to the bathroom where he saw the deep red positive line on the pregnancy kit.
He thought I was pranking him with a prop because I had been working on pregnancy-related shoots in my job.
When I was about 16, I once heard a young child singing exuberantly at the back of a public bus. I could tell that everyone on the bus, including me, was uplifted by this child’s innocent expression of joy.
I love kids so much because they have the ability to break down barriers, even if they don’t know it themselves. Also, as the oldest of three siblings in the family, caring for younger people has always felt natural to me.
Amid the nausea and fatigue of pregnancy, I (and Joel, of course) was excited at the prospect of becoming a mother.
When we heard our baby’s heartbeat for the first time, I realised there’s something more to life than living for myself. I wonder if this was what my parents felt when they first had me. It’s the sort of experience that makes one more appreciative of their parents.
As a first-time mother, I was most anxious about the potential physical trauma from delivery. Thankfully, I had a friend who was pregnant a few months ahead of me, and we commiserated over our shared experience.
After the birth of my firstborn Jonathan, who’s six this year, we had two more babies. Jemmalyn is now four and Miyabeth is two. Our fourth baby is due in September 2025. By then, I’d still be 29.
How we make it work
Home is a five-room HDB flat in Bedok. We recently upgraded from a three-room flat, to house our growing family more comfortably.
My current job — doing social media and communications for my church — allows me to work from home quite often. Joel is a full-time youth pastor.
We don’t have a helper though a part-time cleaner comes by fortnightly. Joel’s parents pick up the children from childcare, which provides us relief on weekdays.
Having children has made us more resourceful. We welcome hand-me-downs from our church group, and buy preloved baby gear from Carousell. We also look out for free or affordable enrichment activities for our children.
Some parents think they don’t want to shortchange their kids when it comes to enrichment, but we believe it’s possible to find cheaper alternatives. Ultimately, the best value we are giving to our kids is our time and presence.
Living for more than our own comforts
Deciding to lead our lives this way has definitely come with other compromises. Unlike my peers who are single or childless, I can’t take off for a weekend trip on a whim or attend parties whenever I want. And I still miss having 12 hours of uninterrupted sleep. There is that loss of freedom that comes with parenthood.
While I don’t have that freedom, I remind myself that I have something they don’t: children. Perspective is everything.
If our kids were to question why Joel and I started a family so early, I’d tell them we didn’t want to wait too long to meet them — to the extent that we are happy to give our youth to them. And I mean it in every way. There’s more to life than simply living for our own comforts.
To me, the best part of parenting is going through the trenches with my husband, and enjoying the fruits of our labour together; that is seeing our kids grow up and bring joy wherever they go. This is what makes life worthwhile.
This story is part of The Singapore Women’s Weekly’s FOMO (Family Of My Own) series, where we celebrate inspiring young couples who are redefining the Singapore family dream. Know someone who fits the bill? Drop us a line at sww@sph.com.sg.