#MumStory: Single Mum Adelene Stanley Reclaims Her Power Through Miss Universe Singapore

When an audition ad for this year's Miss Universe Singapore (MUS) popped up on Adelene Stanley's Instagram feed, it didn't take long for her to decide she wanted to be a part of it.

Freshly divorced due to her ex-husband's infidelity, Adelene, who has a two-year-old daughter, was grieving the loss of her marriage and body confidence. But the yearning to step out of the darkness for something greater took over.

"My interest was piqued because of MUS' inclusiveness and how restrictions on age and marital status have been lifted. Also I wanted to do this for myself as part of my healing journey," shares the 29-year-old, who won first runner-up in the competition. The MUS Final took place on September 22 at Amber Lounge, The Clifford Pier in The Fullerton Bay Hotel Singapore.

In this #MumStory, Adelene, founder of The Dance Circus, who's also an adjunct dance lecturer at the Nanyang Academy of Fine Arts, candidly shares her vulnerabilities and how life as a single mother has been.

In earlier media articles, you mentioned you wanted to "reclaim your power and strength" by participating in Miss Universe Singapore. What did you mean?

It has been an emotionally turbulent time for me — grieving from a heartbreak, healing from the trauma that came with the toxic end of my marriage, coping with the betrayal that came from my ex-husband’s infidelity. All that, whilst trying to be the most present mum and keeping it together so as to protect my daughter. I lost so much faith and confidence in myself. It felt like my world had collapsed.

To me, reclaiming power and strength means to overcome what I was facing. To others, speaking out about being divorced may feel like a shameful thing.

However, I think it’s extremely important for me to show my daughter (and myself) that power comes from owning your experiences and growing from them.

Voicing out my experience allows me to be seen and heard, and through sharing my story I hope that other women who are going through a tough time or a similar experience will feel less lonely. 

When did you find out about your ex's infidelity?

It’s been slightly over a year since I found out. I was in complete shock because I never thought something like this would ever happen to our relationship. We had such a great partnership, so this betrayal caught me off guard. I always believe any relationship can survive cheating, if both parties put in the work to rebuild trust.

In my case, I felt abandoned and was left to pick up the pieces on my own. So I was sad, hurt, and confused for about seven months. When it became evident that there was really no hope for reconciliation, I had to move on. That’s when I got a lawyer to start the process for the divorce. I had to honour myself by closing that chapter because I can’t force a relationship.

How have you explained the divorce to your toddler?

She’s very young but already very observant so I’ve simply highlighted to her the obvious, which is, “Daddy and mummy don't live together because we’re not together anymore but we both love you so so much.”

I don’t wish to hide anything from her because I think that sends the wrong message and she deserves to know what happened. As she gets older, I’m sure she’ll have questions for me and I’ll answer them as they come. There will be a right time and place for that. 

How have you been coping with the infidelity and divorce?

It was a rollercoaster at the beginning, but I found so much comfort in my family, closest friends and church community. Through strengthening my existing relationships, I was reminded of who I am and that I’m a fighter. I picked up new hobbies, spent more time under the sun, got back a really good rhythm at work and at the gym. I established healthy boundaries, got up the courage to try new things — the Miss Universe Singapore 2024 pageant included.

Has co-parenting been smooth?

It was definitely not smooth at the beginning, but it’s gotten better and we’re cordial. We strive for a healthy co-parenting relationship. Re-establishing trust takes time, and we’re trying to figure that out as we navigate this new normal.

How has it been raising your daughter as a single mother? 

It’s hard work, very fun but also very tiring, especially because my daughter is an incredibly active child. 

Being a single mum has its challenges, one of which is trying to be the fun parent as well as the disciplinarian. But I found that communication is key; I talk to her like an adult. I also make sure to respect her and listen whenever she wants to express.

I have so much respect for other single parents. The journey is not easy and it's important to find a good support system. By leaning on my community, I have never felt more supported and loved.

You don't have to suffer or grieve alone. Human connections will help with healing.

What does your village look like?

She just started school, so that has been a massive relief on childcare. It’s been an incredibly smooth transition as she has taken so well to the teachers and new friends! The immediate families of mine and her dad’s are always close by. Her godparents are very involved too. My church community has so many other kids that she interacts with, and I’m sure she sees the other kids as her siblings! 

You are a business owner, adjunct lecturer, and a mum all at the same time. How do you balance these roles?

I have a great team at my company that supports me so well — I'm so grateful for them! Being a contestant in Miss Universe Singapore 2024 has added a couple more things on my calendar but as my daughter has started school, I have more time in the day. When I pick my daughter from school, I go into 100 per cent mum mode. That’s when I’m typically slower to reply to messages. But once I put her to bed, it’s back to work for me.

There are days where it’s flat out exhausting, but I wouldn’t have it any other way because my work in wellness and dance heals me. I love teaching people how to move, and I love meeting new people. To get to do all that on top of being a mum is worth it!

How do you spend time with your daughter?

My work is pretty flexible so I try to maximise time with her on the days I have her. Other times, she’ll be with her dad. We love nature, running around the park, dancing and jamming to music at home (and in public haha).

Are you seeing anyone at the moment? Open to remarrying and having more kids?

No, not at the moment. And yes, I’d absolutely remarry and have more kids if and when I meet the right person.

This article was first published on September 21, 2024. It was updated on September 23, 2024.

#MumStory is a series by The Singapore Women’s Weekly to uncover the underrated and underreported moments in motherhood, parenting and everything in between — because we believe every mum has a story worth telling. Got a story to share? Email us at sww@sph.com.sg or slide into our DMs on Instagram.