#MumStory: She Makes Mental Health Checks For Mums A Priority

#MumStory is a series by The Singapore Women’s Weekly to uncover the underrated and underreported moments in motherhood, parenting and everything in between — because we believe every mum has a story worth telling. Got a story to share? Email us at sww@sph.com.sg or slide into our DMs on Instagram.

Cassandra Loh struggled with mental wellness in her youth. But it was only through duties in her professional life later that led her to realise the importance of good mental healthcare.

“In my previous role in a global insurer, I was tasked to develop mental health strategies for corporations,” she shares. “Out of necessity, I had to understand the mental health scene better. After talking to people in the field, I then realised how little I knew."

As a mother to two girls, five and one-and-a-half, Cassandra was also no stranger to mental exhaustion and mum guilt in the course of her parenting journey. "The loneliest times in motherhood are the nights when everybody is asleep and I am left alone with my thoughts," she recalls.

Cassandra was intrigued and driven enough to delve into the area of mental health, by first taking an advanced diploma in counselling psychology and later on, a post-graduate diploma.

Today, the 35-year-old is making mental health checks for mums a priority, through her role as vice president of partnerships and solutions at Intellect, a mental health tech company.

“It's important to normalise seeking help because people often assume that mothers are strong or that they're naturally able to cope with the sleepless nights and juggling,” she shares. “Especially for new mothers, they need to learn that it is okay to not be okay, and it is okay to take time out for their own wellbeing.”

Cassandra acknowledges the need to provide accessible and practical means for mothers to seek help. For example, it might not be feasible for mothers to see a therapist in person when they are already juggling with limited time, so having virtual appointments as an option would greatly facilitate such access. 

“As a society, we also need to be more sensitive in what we say or imply,” she says. “Many well-meaning comments might end up being additional stressors for mothers. Making any generalised assumptions would also be detrimental to a mother who is already struggling.”

When Cassandra was pursuing her post-graduate diploma in counselling psychology, she had to complete counselling sessions under supervision – she chose to provide pro-bono counselling to mothers because she thought they were very underserved in this aspect. 

“I put my service on a Facebook page for mothers and, to my surprise, many responded and really needed help,” she recalls. “From struggles coping with the motherhood journey to spousal and family conflicts, I saw firsthand how much emotional baggage a mother can end up carrying. 

“Sometimes, what they need is for someone to hear them out or to provide perspectives to help them move along from where they are stuck,” she adds. “I have taken a pause due to the priorities I have right now, but I definitely want to go back to doing it when I have the bandwidth because I see how many mothers need such support.”

Read on for her #MumStory.

How was your mental health impacted when you became a mum?

I believe no one can ever be fully prepared for this experience. Personally, I wasn't ready to face the shift from managing everything on my own to finally accepting that I needed support. The first few weeks were spent gritting my teeth and enduring the sleepless nights, constant cries from the little one, my painfully-engorged breasts that I did not recognise anymore, and the well-intentioned advice from family members that just made me feel like I was not enough. I recall wavering between feeling completely smitten with how adorable my baby was and doubting whether I could actually handle this and become the mother I needed to be. 

I also hadn't anticipated how the hidden demons within me would surface as I began my journey into motherhood. My own insecurities arising from attachment issues in my childhood, coupled with unresolved fears and traumas, resurfaced. One concrete memory I recall was when I was looking after my eldest when she was only three or four months old. I looked at her and just felt there was no way I could keep her from the harms of the world. I felt guilty for bringing her to the world without being able to protect her.

The hardest time for me likely started around the third month, when the initial adrenaline and excitement faded and everyone else returned to their usual routines, leaving me alone with the stark reality that it was just me and the baby. I started having panic attacks in the middle of the night and I did not know how to overcome that.

How did you cope with those mental health issues?

I realised I needed to speak to someone. I recall bringing my baby to speak to a pastor in church and breaking down under the weight of my overwhelming feelings of inadequacy and frustration. I believe many mothers can relate to this – much of coping involves simply holding it together for the sake of family stability, while quietly ignoring the inner turmoil.

What sort of struggles do you face today in terms of finding a balance between work and motherhood?

In a fast-paced role like mine, staying fully focused at work is crucial. There are times when my kids are unwell but with prior work commitments, I have no choice but to push forward, trusting they are in good hands. I am fortunate to have a spouse who is hands-on and took a small step back in his career to complement me. We also have very hands-on grandparents who support us when needed.

The mum guilt in those moments is undeniably real. Balancing work and home life requires constant, deliberate decision-making – often driven by logic rather than emotion. Well-meaning friends and family often urge me to "think more about my children" and remind me of how much they need me. This only adds to the guilt I feel. "Will I regret this?" "Am I being selfish?" Such questions frequently arise in my mind.

One comment from my elder daughter’s teacher really put things into perspective for me. She shared that, despite my daughter’s shy demeanour, she told her class that she wants to be a "boss" when she grows up. The teacher mentioned that my daughter’s admiration for the role was evident in the way she spoke about it, revealing how much she looked up to me (as a leader in my job). I find comfort in the fact that no one truly knows what’s best, if such a thing even exists. Each child and household has unique needs, and I’m doing what I believe is best for this stage of our lives. 

Another way that I have found to cope with the balancing is being intentionally present in each role. During work hours, I have to compartmentalise and focus on being effective. When I'm home and on the weekends, I focus on being present for the family. Even though that takes a lot of discipline, I believe it makes a lot of difference.

What are some gaps you've noticed in our current care system for mums?

There is very little attention given to mothers postpartum and even further along the motherhood journey. A typical stay in the hospital post-delivery would be two nights. After that, a mother is expected to step up into the role of being the main caretaker for this new and vulnerable baby. 

I think mothers should also have a periodic check-in with a mental health professional as a standard practice to give them an avenue to share their struggles or to have somebody support them in their recovery and adaptation to the new role. There should also be ready and accessible tools like virtual mental healthcare for mothers.

How does Intellect support new mums in Singapore?

My team and I are driven to provide access to mothers so that they do not have to deal with their struggles alone. Intellect has partnered with the largest local private hospital group (IHH Singapore) to provide one year of Intellect access to all mothers who are discharged from any of the four hospitals in the group. We have content curated for mothers and trained professionals who can provide support for mums. Intellect also has physical clinics, providing mothers the flexibility of choosing between virtual and in-person sessions to cater to what works best for them. 

Beyond that, we work with partners to normalise mothers prioritising their mental well-being. In a recent partnership with UOB, we provide Intellect access to mothers who sign up for a Child Development Account with the bank.

What does me time look like for you? 

Frankly, me time is probably what I have compromised on at this stage of life. I'm thankful for family support, where I get to steal some time especially when I feel like my own tank is running dry, to fill that up again with some time alone or with my close support group. I enjoy going for runs and walks on my own – they really help me to destress and be with myself. I also love to sit and watch the world go by with a cup of tea or a glass of wine.

What are some important qualities you want to teach your children?

I want to teach my girls that they are able to do whatever they aspire to do. There is no better path, only a path that is best suited for them and their purpose in life. I also want them to recognise that every path they choose will come with its own set of consequences that they have to own. Most importantly, I want them to always know that family – and Mummy – is always in their court, regardless of the path they choose to take.

What advice do you have for mums, in relation to looking after their mental health?

The first step is to acknowledge that we do not have to have it all together and it is not selfish to seek support for ourselves. I recently saw this quote by writer Katie Reed from a workshop that Intellect conducted for caregivers: "Self-care is giving the world the best of you instead of what's left of you." I think this is such a powerful reminder, to become the best version of ourselves for our loved ones as well.