#MumStory: "I've Learned That Self-Care Is Not Selfish"
"Good mental health is crucial for me because it enables me to be present, patient, and nurturing toward my child."
By Terri Kue -
#MumStory is a series by The Singapore Women’s Weekly to uncover the underrated and underreported moments in motherhood and parenting — because we believe every mum has a story worth telling. Got a story to share? Email us at sww@sph.com.sg or slide into our DMs on Instagram.
During the peak of Covid-19, many business owners in Singapore struggled to adapt to changing regulations. This was the case for Jasmine Chong, owner of Lab Studios which comprises fitness concepts Yoga Lab, Barre Lab and Flow Lab.
Having to adhere to the restrictions for gyms had Jasmine running around trying to keep her studios open. With 2021 being her first year as a mum, balancing her business and being a mother affected her mental health, making it one of her most difficult years yet.
Since then, Jasmine has taken active steps to better her mental health, including going for therapy. Along with that, she has learnt the importance of making time for herself.
We speak with Jasmine to find out about her mental health journey and how she tackles everything going on in her life.
Read more for her #MumStory.
2021 was the year I struggled the most.
It was the first year of taking on a new role: being a mother. The external environment didn't help too; we had to deal with Covid and the ever-changing restrictions. Through it all, the most difficult thing was to maintain a sense of hope.
In my line of job (where I manage fitness studios and teach classes), every single change meant we had to change something in the studios. I felt like with the Covid situation, we were constantly getting our hopes up and then getting disappointed again.
My business partners and I had to run around moving mats, putting up posters, and closing off areas in the studios. It was very physically demanding and mentally straining.
I also spent 10 out of the 12 months of 2021 breastfeeding. My schedule revolved around my son a lot because he needed to drink milk every three hours.
I remember one weekend when I was changing up the studio and I couldn’t rush home in time. My boobs were hurting and engorged, and I had to hire a Grab to take my four-month-old son to me just so he could latch.
As much as I would have loved to be with him all the time, the studios also needed me. Covid hit us hard, and we had to dissolve our management team in 2020 - this meant that most of the work fell back on me and my team. On top of teaching, managing studios, and the ever-changing restrictions, breastfeeding, and being a wife, I hardly had any time for myself. I hit a pretty low point and had to ask myself some really difficult questions about how I was handling work, family and myself.
Having good mental health is, of course, important to everyone. But why is it important for you as a mother?
Good mental health is crucial for me because it enables me to be present, patient, and nurturing towards my child. It allows me to handle the challenges of motherhood with greater ease and perspective, and be more attuned to my child's needs.
As a wellness advocate, I believe that mental health is just as important as physical health. I need to prioritise self-care and seek support when needed to maintain my mental well-being.
Has motherhood changed the way you look at mental health?
Having my baby has been a powerful motivator for me to prioritise my mental health. I want to be the best version of myself for my child, and that means taking care of my mental well-being.
I've made it a priority to practise self-care, seek therapy to heal from past trauma so I don't pass it down to my son, and engage in activities that bring me true joy. It's important to me that I model healthy mental health habits for my child, and I believe that taking care of my own mental health is essential to being a supportive, loving and present mother.
Please share more about how therapy has helped your mental health.
Therapy has been instrumental in supporting my mental health. It provided me with a safe space to explore my thoughts and emotions, gain perspective, and develop coping strategies for managing stress and challenges.
The therapy I do focuses a lot on healing my childhood hurts and reintegrating new neuro-pathways; changing my automatic reaction to situations with a lot more awareness.
It has really helped me slow down and to be more aware of my thought process. I’m also able to accept myself more now that I know that the good parts and the parts I don't like so much about myself are all God-given qualities.
It has been an invaluable tool in my journey to better my mental health and has helped me become a more resilient and mindful mother.
How do you find time to be "you" amidst running Lab Studios and being a mum?
What I have learnt in the past 2.5 years of being a mother is to be a good guardian and protector of my time. It is very easy for time to slip away if we don't pay attention to it. So I make it a point to carve out time for self-care, whether it's through exercise, quiet time, or simply taking a moment to journal and recharge.
I am on a simple productivity app called Trello that I find very useful to organise my day. I first define my non-negotiables (things I have to do) by month, week, and then by day. Monthly non-negotiables include two date nights with my husband, facials and body therapy sessions, and, of course, the reports that I need to review at work.
Weekly ones are more specific, such as planning playdates with Joshua and arranging one or two social meetups with friends.
Daily non-negotiables focus on exercise sessions, quiet time, school runs, and time after school with Joshua. Once I have those plotted out, I then work around the amount of time I have in between.
It definitely takes practice and discipline to not be distracted in the midst of deep work.
Balancing work and family is a constant juggling act, but I prioritise work-life balance to ensure that I can be fully present for both my family and my business. I believe that setting clear boundaries and communicating my needs with my team and loved ones is crucial.
I also believe in the importance of getting support, whether it's through hiring help or getting support from family and friends. Being intentional about finding a balance between my work and family life is a priority for me, and I strive to create a schedule that allows me to be present for both.
More than anything, balancing work and family has taught me to be intentional and unashamed of my needs. It's important for me to set clear boundaries, delegate tasks, and prioritise self-care to ensure that I can show up as the best version of myself in all aspects of my life.
I've learned that self-care is not selfish, but rather, necessary for my overall well-being and ability to handle the challenges that come with being a working mother.
As a mumfluencer, do you feel pressure to always showcase a "perfect" family?
As a mumfluencer, I feel a responsibility to be authentic and transparent about the realities of motherhood, rather than showcase a "perfect" family. I believe that sharing the struggles and challenges of motherhood is essential to building a supportive and compassionate community for other mothers.
I strive to create a space where mothers can feel seen, heard, and validated, and where they can find inspiration and support to prioritise their own well-being.
Deinfluencing motherhood is important to me because it challenges the notion that motherhood should be perfect and effortless. It encourages mothers to embrace their imperfections, seek support, and prioritise their well-being, rather than trying to live up to unrealistic societal expectations.
By sharing the genuine struggles of motherhood, we can create a more supportive and compassionate community for mothers and reduce the stigma around mental health struggles.
What are some struggles you face that you don’t show on Instagram?
One struggle that I don't often share on my Instagram is the guilt that can come with balancing work and motherhood. It can be challenging to find the right balance and prioritise my time, and I sometimes struggle with feelings of guilt or inadequacy when I'm not able to be fully present for either my family or my business.
However, I've learned to be kind to myself and recognise that balancing multiple roles and responsibilities is not easy.
How has your sex life changed since you became a mum?
In the first year, I was focused on the baby and constantly tired. I didn't feel like my body was mine. But once I stopped breastfeeding and started feeling like myself again, it went back to normal.
How have your friendships changed since you became a mum?
I made many new friends that have kids around Joshua’s age. I think life has many seasons, and with the changing seasons, we change how and who we want to spend our time with. But that doesn't change the quality of the friendships I've made.
I have learnt to hold friendships with a lighter hand and trust that the relationship will flourish through the seasons.