#MumStory: As A Single Mum Of 3, Flexi Work Is Necessary

After her mother's passing, 33-year-old Juliana Binte Jorimi regretted not showing her mum more love and attention. That made her more determined to spend time with her kids and be present for them.

This is especially important since her 6-year-old son Danish was diagnosed with a flesh-eating bacteria (known as Group A streptococcus) in 2018 that caused him to lose a leg. Managing his condition involves regular medical checkups.

As a single mum of three, Juliana looks after Danish and her 3-year-old daughter, while her ex-husband looks after their eldest son who's 9.

She tells us about her struggles in finding work-family balance, and how switching from a nine-to-six job to one with a flexible work arrangement has helped.

Why is a flexible work arrangement so important to you?

At my previous job, I delivered tingkat food from 9am to 6pm. The fixed working hours meant it was extremely hard to attend to urgent matters while I was at work.

At that time, my son had to go for frequent follow-ups with the doctor; there would be two or three visits in a month. We would have to see the doctor more frequently if he experienced pain. While my boss knew about my situation and was accepting of it, I felt like a hassle because I kept having to apply for leave and ask my boss if he could find someone else to cover me for that day. It was hard to explain to them every time. I felt like I owed them.

As a single mother, I am also my children's primary provider and main source of support, so a flexible schedule is necessary. The love from a mother is unconditional and indescribable. My mum's passing in 2015 left a huge impact on me. I regretted not showing love and giving her attention more often. I don't want to make the same mistake with my children.

Now, I have a flexible work schedule as a Lalamove delivery-partner. I can plan my schedule around my deliveries. On days when my children need me, I can take them along deliveries and provide care as and when needed. This is something I cannot possibly do in jobs with fixed working hours. I can also keep my Sundays free to take my kids to the playground or other recreational spots. On other days, my kids and I cuddle up at home to watch movies.

What does work-family balance mean to you?

I am not sure if we can ever find a perfect balance. As a single mother of three, achieving work-family balance becomes even more difficult when I have to be both a father and a mother to my kids. Ultimately, I believe it is about ensuring that I can maintain financial stability so that I can provide for my children with good education, while also finding time to be there for them throughout their important growing years. I think it is essential to be a present mother.

Please tell us more about your son's condition.

Danish was diagnosed in 2018 with a flesh-eating bacteria known as Group A streptococcus, which attacks the whole body. It started when I saw a small open wound on his right leg. Over the next three days, he lost his appetite and grew lethargic. On the fourth day when I was about to shower him, I saw that his leg (where the wound was) had turned black. That's when my ex and I decided to take Danish to the hospital.

Doctors said that I might have lost Danish if I had sought medical attention any later. Upon hearing that, I broke down.

The wound had allowed bacteria to enter his body and infect it. Danish was warded in the ICU, and in and out of surgery for two weeks. Most of his body healed, except for his right leg which had become rotten. The four small toes on his feet were "burnt" and fell off. His big toe and leftover flesh became a stump. The doctor had to make a special shoe for him. This year, the doctor decided to amputate the leg since my son's stump was no longer functioning and he was experiencing a lot of pain. Five months later, he got a prosthetic leg.

I'm very grateful that Danish is still alive. He is a strong boy, and I am so proud of him for being a champion throughout the entire process.

How has this journey been for you?

It is a rollercoaster ride. One minute I'm happy and the next I'm sad. I don’t know what’s going to happen next. He's undergone surgery more than 30 times, but it's a tough experience for me every time. The hardest part is when he comes out of surgery still unconscious. I keep praying as I wait for him to open his eyes: "Please let me have one more day with you. Please."

I tell myself that I must be strong for Danish. Whatever will happen, will happen, so I have to trust the process and accept our fate. Whatever god has written, we have to endure. When I look back at what I’ve endured, I’m glad that I passed all the trials and tribulations.

What has this taught you about motherhood?

His serious health scare taught me that as a mother, we can try our best but we can never be fully prepared for what our children will face. It taught me to be extremely cautious about my children’s injuries and that prevention is better than cure. This infection started out as small as a mosquito bite, and it led to him having a below-knee amputation, which is something I could have never imagined.

How do you find time for self-care?

I find the time when I end work earlier or when I have some time to rest. I also get some time for myself when the children are with their father once a week.

As part of self-care, I go for facials and grooming. As a single mum with many responsibilities, it's extremely important to take care of myself. I think single mums owe it to themselves to make sure we stay healthy and in a good state of mind. If we fall sick in any way, how can we take care of our children? 

For myself, I reached out to the Family Service Centre, where they checked up on me, helped me manage my emotions, and helped to make sure I was stable enough to take care of the children and myself. They also ensured the children were in safe hands by talking to them and checking on their behaviour. We also got their help with attaining food rations.

What would you say to parents going through something similar?

It's not easy, but trust the process. You must stay committed, for your children. If you need help, be it emotional or financial, there are always organisations that can help you. They are trained to better understand your situation. Don’t be shy to ask for help. I know some mothers are afraid to step out and share their problems. But please, just be open. Don’t give up.

What do you love about being a mum?

I love sharing my love and knowledge with my children, who are the light of my life. Knowing that they depend on me makes me want to strive to be the best version of myself, be a role model for them, and cater to all their needs. Motherhood is fulfilling for me, no matter how difficult things get.