#MumStory: "Kids Are Born To Move, Run And Jump About"

What's your biggest reason for having kids?

Credit: Kareen Lau

1/10

To be very frank, none of them was planned - we did not plan to have kids so soon after our marriage. Our reaction wasn't like those you see on TV shows where people immediately cry with happiness and elation when they know they are pregnant.

There was the initial reaction of being stunned and caught off guard. It took me some time to really let it sink in that we were going to have twins; and a little more time to accept the fact that life had already changed.

Then slowly, there was a sense of excitement because we weren't just having twins. They were fraternal twins - a boy and a girl! What were the odds? Especially since we did not have any history of twins in the families at all.

We then accepted that the universe has its plans and that the twins were sent to us for a reason.

To me, kids are born to move, run, and jump about.
It's very important for kids to stay active because the habits that they pick up from young - such as how active they are - follow them through to adulthood.

Additionally, I was a PE teacher before I came into the fitness industry, so getting kids active has always been my job. Because of the kids I taught, I realised that there were more and more who couldn't jump or do their shuttle runs properly. Their agility and basic motor skills were really lacking; and this was 10 years back, so I bet things are worse now.

It really, really stems from the parents. Kids look at parents as their role models. Every day they observe their parents. They're just sitting in a corner eyeing what their parents are doing.

Foe example, I do my workouts on the mat at home with the baby. Since young, my youngest child learnt that when the mat is pulled out, it's time to exercise. He sometimes pulls it out as well and tries to mimic what I do. These are the little things that we sometimes underestimate the importance of. Yet, the impact of these actions is actually very strong.

That's why my approach is for parents to be role models. They have to move and be active, after which the kids will follow. Whatever tone parents want to set for the kids, they have to be the ones moving first.

Do you prioritise sporty family trips?

Credit: Kareen Lai

4/10

My family trips are typically outdoorsy and act as an opportunity to expose my kids to things that they do not get to experience here in Singapore. An example is trying new climbing spots (my girl climbs while my boy climbs a little). We can also see how things are done differently and meet people along the way.
How do you strike a balance for screentime with your kids?
When I had my twins, I didn't allow any screen time on devices.
I think it's very sad when I go to a restaurant and see a family walk in, only for them to fish out an iPad and put it in front of the toddler the moment they put the kid down. For my twins, we've always brought papers, crayons, and coloured markers in our bags. Whenever we sit down anywhere and they have some lull time, we'll take those out for them to entertain themselves. Even now, we still do not have the habit of taking out devices at cafes or restaurants the moment we sit down.

But at home, we switch on the TV for them when there's no adult supervision and we're going to be busy washing the kitchen and all that. It's like TV nanny-time.

My youngest one is constantly seeing his older siblings watch the TV. But as much as possible, we try to limit that.

The twins are also pretty much the last kids in their class or school to have phones - I only just gave them their phones. It comes with a cheap line with limited gigabyte data to teach them how to ration their usage, so it's not a free-for-all.

What do you love most about being a mum?

Credit: Kareen Lai

5/10

The kids are my best excuse to plan for "outdoor trips"!
How has your relationship with your other half changed after having kids? How do you keep it strong?
It was hard initially. A lot of it was just "kids, kids, kids" at first. The older kids wanted attention too but I was either mentally or physically exhausted. So over the years, I had to learn to give time and attention to my partner.
What would you say is the hardest thing about being a mum?
Not having my freedom of time.

I went through two pregnancies. The first one was in 2010 when I had my twins. The second pregnancy was in 2019. I would say the experience for both pregnancies was vastly different in terms of my trying to get back to my pre-pregnancy fitness.

After my first pregnancy, I had a hard time because I had put on a lot of weight for the twins. I just had fat and water on me which was very hard to get rid of. However, at that point in time, I was still a PE teacher. Getting my fitness back and going back to teaching PE was really important to me.
I wanted to show that being a mum doesn't mean that you need to be frumpy, and that you can still be active.
I put in a lot of effort, hard work, and focus. It took me about a year or so of consistently eating well and strength training to really get back to my pre-pregnancy state. I actually became even fitter than how I was pre-pregnancy.

The second pregnancy was a little harder because of Covid-19. My husband - he's in the armed forces - is an essential worker. He was pretty much still out at work and it was just me at home. And I didn't just have a baby to look after; I had two other 10-year-olds to tend to. So it was definitely much harder. But I tried to slot in exercise sessions as much as I could.

I used to have the thought of "I must get back in shape" for my first pregnancy because I wanted to be a good role model for the kids I taught. And I managed to do so because my circumstances were better then. I had more support from my mum and extended family. Body-image wise, I thought: "I want to get my muscles toned and maintain it".

For my second pregnancy, things were a bit different and my relationship with my body also changed. I've come to accept that certain things are not a priority for me now. As long as I feel strong enough and am healthy, although I'm not as toned and muscular as after my first pregnancy, I'm still okay with it.

Have you done anything extreme for weight loss?

Credit: Kareen Lai

8/10

Honestly, I don't think I've done anything very extreme. The most would be taking ketogenic supplements to supplement a workout. That's about it.
I haven't done anything like "no carbs". I don't advocate for that stuff.
What did you learn from your postpartum journey?
For my second pregnancy, a lot of things just fell onto me. Compared to my first pregnancy, there were many things that I could do before but I couldn't in my second because of circumstances.
This really made me realise that as a mum who has very limited circumstances and support, it's really unreasonable to expect us to do everything. It's not about partying and doing what I want. It's not about "everybody has the same 24 hours a day"; it's just not fair to say this to anybody.

Social media was a major source of stress even for me as a trained person. Even though I have been working with pregnant and postnatal mums for a couple of years already, I was also affected by it.
When I saw other trainers or fitness personalities get back into shape so quickly, I had to learn to really remind myself that everybody's circumstance is different. What you see on social media is really different from real life. My summary is that social media is a bitch. It really doesn't help postnatal mums.
Don't look, don't read, don't bother. The less you see, the less stressed you get.
What would you say to postpartum mums who stress over getting back their pre-pregnancy bodies?
This is what I learnt: time is a postpartum mum's best friend.

Everybody's body is different. Everybody's circumstance is different. Mothers need people to remind them about this because social media doesn't. Yeah, one or two ladies may talk about it, but they are the ones who can just pop back into their original body shape without much work.

So mothers need gentle reminders. People should also stop asking mothers questions such as "how much weight did you lose". You don't know what a mum's going through and what she went through during her postpartum period, what she went through during her birth, and what kind of trauma she had. These little things are important and affect her health during the postpartum period. It dictates how well and how fast she recovers.
But people think that a mum's job is to pop out the baby and then get back into the daily routine; start doing their job as a mother. Then they expect her to pop right back into shape without giving her support.

As much as women are super capable, there is value in leaning on your people for support and help, as well as learning about your bodies and emotional load. My tribe consists of my parents, in-laws, and a group of really strong mothers. We were mostly colleagues from way back in PE school; we became mothers at almost the same time.

My girls and I keep each other accountable and make sure we do not slack off too much and become sloths in our personal fitness. We have gone on overseas trail running trips, dragged each other out to train, run, and play badminton etc.

Over the years, I depended a lot on all of them to help raise the twins, and now my three-year-old. My husband has the most difficult schedule -  sometimes he's posted overseas for lengths of time, sometimes he simply has long hours, and sometimes he's uncontactable.

So my tribe really plays a key role in raising my kids and helping to raise them to be active individuals. They made sure the twins wouldn't miss out on fun and activities even if I had to work.

My mum was my key pillar of support at that time too, as she was the main caretaker for the twins when my partner and I were at work or if we needed a night out.
When it comes to motherhood/parenting, what kind of support would you like more of?
For more dads to become more hands-on and take on some of the mental load that always naturally falls on mothers.