#MumStory: Yvonne Chee Says Parenting's Tough But She Will “Keep Trying”

When Yvonne Chee picked up running, she had not been exercising for quite a while. It was 2005, and then a civil servant based in Brussels, she decided she “could do something good for myself”.

“It was just me and the treadmill,” she says. “I started with 30 minutes; when that felt good, I began to do 40 minutes, and so on. That’s how this crazy journey started!”

In 2007, she ran her first marathon in Brussels, then her second in New York in 2008. In 2013, at 34, she became the third and youngest Singaporean to complete marathons in all seven continents. For the final one - the Antarctic Ice Marathon on 20 November 2013 - she ran in minus 20 deg C and finished it in 6 hours and 34 minutes.

She dedicated this remarkable feat to her paternal grandmother, whom she was very close to.

“My parents divorced when I was around four years old so I was raised by my dad and my grandmother,” says Yvonne. “Ah ma was a no-nonsense lady. She taught me a lot about resilience - she singlehandedly brought up two children after her husband passed on. She was very strict, and would cane me whenever I was naughty.”

Since representing Singapore for the marathon in 2017, Yvonne juggles training with her day job as executive director, regional head of government affairs for Asean and South Asia at Standard Chartered Bank. Here, she oversees systematic and strategic government engagement that helps to deliver business outcomes. It also involves frequent travel.

“I do my run first thing in the morning. So I work backwards; if I have a meeting at 8am, I wake up at 5am for my run. On weekends, I wake up at 4am to make sure I finish my long runs before the heat sets in,” says Yvonne. 

Her treadmill plays a crucial role in her pursuit of better timings. “I ran the London marathon in April this year. Most of my training was on the treadmill because I wanted to be around for my children at home. And if I had to do another run in the evening, I did it on the treadmill too,” adds this mother of two.

Mention that many working mothers find it difficult to make time for exercise, and she offers: “Take small steps. Put on some music or a podcast, and go out for a short walk. You don’t have to go beyond your comfort zone. If you can manage only 15 minutes, that’s OK too.”

There must be days she doesn’t feel like training, we probe. She laughs, and lets on: “I don’t fancy strength training. It makes my muscles hurt. I know, I know, it’s a chicken-and-egg situation - the more I do, the less it hurts. But since I have a limited number of hours a day, I’d rather run, not do strength training.”

You have two girls - Lea and Eva, who are 8 and 6 years old respectively. Do they enjoy running?

I encourage them to be active. The girls and I do a lot of stuff outdoors. Our family often goes to the playground and beach, even though I don’t like being under the sun [laughs]. They have attended classes for running, swimming, and soccer, which they enjoy. Lea is less keen on running while Eva enjoys it, and takes part in races occasionally. She has a race coming up so we’ll go and cheer for her. I usually end up running alongside with her; I think I’m the only mum who does that!

Why is it important to you that the girls take up sports?

I was an athlete when I was in school; I represented my schools in netball, gymnastics and bowling. I’d be a very different person if I didn’t do any sports. School teaches a person the academics but sports helps to develop character and qualities like discipline and determination, which will be useful for the rest of one’s life. I want that for my kids.

What other life lessons would you like to impart to them?

I always stress to them that nothing is handed to them on a silver platter. For example, even though we have a helper at home, they shouldn’t always rely on her for everything. In the same way, they must be prepared to work hard to achieve success. If they have tried their best but can’t achieve their goals, it’s OK with me - at least they have made an effort.

So what have you learnt from being a mum?

No one can teach you to become a good mother; there’s a lot of trial and error involved. No matter how much I want the best for my girls and teach them all the right values, they need to make decisions for themselves. For example, while I also tried to get Lea interested in running, she prefers piano and art. I also can’t stop them from making bad decisions in life but I can let them know that I will be there for them.

Most constant challenge as a parent?

Being present for them. You can be seated next to your child but if you are texting away on the phone - so what? Without quality, quantity is useless. How can I spend quality time with the kids? That’s the challenge I have been trying to overcome. It’s immensely difficult to strike a work-life balance, having to juggle work, marathon training and being a mum. I tell myself that I just have to keep trying.

How do you deal with mum guilt?

Being a mum comes with mum guilt [laughs]. The other night, Eva came to me and hugged me so tightly. But I was on the phone. When I went to bed, I started thinking, why didn’t I hug her back? Should I go hug her now? I think it’s important to not gaslight myself - but to be kind to myself and do the best I can. It’s part and parcel of motherhood.

You had your first child at 35. Any reason for that?

I hesitated to have kids earlier as I wanted to be sure that I was ready - not just because it’s the right time or thing to do. Gratefully, Lea and Eva came along when they did. Motherhood has surprised me and continues to be an eye-opening and truly rewarding experience. 

You came in third in Standard Chartered Singapore Marathon 2018. Did becoming a mum make you a better runner?

I actually clocked my personal bests after having Eva - coming in third happened one year postpartum. But it wasn’t because I was especially motivated by motherhood. In 2016 (a year after giving birth to Lea), I started training properly and worked on my timings. Being a mum meant I had to juggle more demands hence I knew that I must be more focused during training. The opportunity cost of training is time spent away from my children. Becoming a mum has taught me to be laser-focused and not waste time unnecessarily.

Do you worry about age catching up?

Of course, and it’s a struggle to accept this. My body takes a much longer time to recover these days. But you know what, ageing happens to everyone. And I’m grateful for this body - it’s enabled me to achieve my personal bests, stay fit, and be relatively fast at my age. I’m still working to break my personal best. I’m 43 but people always think that I’m only in my 30s: it’s tough to do what I’m doing, but I keep going. [Smiles]

Who do you turn to for support?

I have different support groups for running and parenting. For example, I have several close girlfriends who are full-time working mums, one of whom I’ve known for 30 years. The first time my child had a fever, I panicked and texted them for advice. And they’d calm me down by saying: “Oh she will be fine. Her body’s trying to fight off an infection. So give her some meds...” We need to have our own villages, including family, for our various “lives”. They remind me that I’m not alone in my journey. 

Do you think women can have it all?

A wise friend once said to me: “We can have it all - just not at the same time.” This was life-changing for me and a lesson I learnt the hard way. Being very goal-oriented with a Type A personality, I try to push myself towards the targets I've set in my life. While that may be sustainable in the short term, trying to ace everything at the same time isn’t realistic in the long term.

For example, a few days ago, I fell during a run. I tried to run this morning but wasn’t able to get past 400m without pain in my left knee. I could have pushed myself but I’m thankful for the voices of sanity around me - good friends, my coach, my husband - that remind me to listen to my body... I’ve come to realise that there is a season for everything.