Being An Ordinary Mum Is Worth Celebrating Too

In my job as an editor and writer, I have received countless press releases on high-achieving women slash mummies, and spoken to a number of them as well.

Their backgrounds run the gamut. Entrepreneurs building a thriving business. Clinical scientists who are advancing medical research to save lives. Influencers who look like (and probably have) a million bucks months after giving birth to their nth kid. And did they somehow magic erase that jelly belly?

These women are great. Many of them are doing important work that ought to be highlighted.

But as I file story after story of their incredible achievements outside of home, it leaves me wondering: where does this leave the rest of us?

The invisible work that keeps the world moving

On a good day, I get my three children clothed, fed and ready for school with minimal fuss, deliver my work on time, put dinner on the table at an appropriate time AND get to have an actual conversation with my husband while hanging the laundry.

Rinse and repeat. Only the next day might be dotted with tantrums, a kid might wet the bed in the middle of the night, or someone falls sick when you have urgent deadlines and meetings that can't be rescheduled. Often, it's all of the above within the span of 24 hours. But no matter. Somehow amid the chaos, sh** still gets done, even if imperfectly. In my head, I've aced my life.

So now, where do I send this very exciting editorial pitch to? Can I nominate myself for an award too? *cues crickets chirping*

We choose our priorities

As a society, we are obsessed with external achievements - the first, the fastest, the biggest, the smartest, the wealthiest, 30 under 30, 40 under 40... the list goes on. We just need to look at the number of kids walking into tuition centres every week to see where our values lie.

I was once that competitive kid who did exceptionally well in school and took on leadership positions. Being "mediocre" was one of my greatest fears - and it came true when I became a mother. I was struck by the crushing realisation that one simply cannot have it all, at least not at the same time.

Want to be a high-flying suit and still be able to accompany your child for all his excursions? Have time for date nights and your weekly pilates class while nursing a baby (sometimes two, or three)? These are the stuff of daydreams, unless if you have a village to tap on - such as your parents and/or a trusty domestic worker (or two).

What I'm getting at is, with our limited hours in a day, some mothers have chosen to focus on professional pursuits, using their talents and smarts to benefit the community. They are slaying it out there while there are trusted caregivers and housekeepers at home.

Many other mums, like yours truly, are taking on a heavier parental load and working just enough to earn a living - some give up their career entirely. We're not just keeping the household running, but also raising the next generation to be kind and respectful, to be critical thinkers, and to clean up after themselves. So pray tell, is every day mothering a critical profession in and of itself? And if we claim it is, why don't we feel prouder than we should be?

Ordinary parents do the most important work

There isn't, and probably never will be, an award given to average mums and dads who get on tirelessly with the humdrum duties behind raising children. But we don't have to stay in the shadows and be diminished to being mere "support functions" - because we are not. We are creators and builders of budding minds. We are our future leaders' earliest influencers and teachers. This incubation work is serious business.

Just like how adults tend to support one another in professional networks, we need to uplift one another as parents and validate the importance and relevance of our role. Let's toast to finally clearing that pile of laundry lying on the sofa, to having children who feel emotionally safe in our presence and showing up every day to be the best parent that we can be at any moment in time.

And with urgency, let's brainstorm ways to raise human beings who will protect humanity and contribute to a more inclusive society. In voicing our challenges and triumphs, we bring attention and respect to what we do.

Last but not least, to parents who are excelling in their professional lives, remember to give due credit to the people who are caring for your kids (and dealing with their meltdowns) in your absence. Because let's get real, we don't get to be extraordinary without first ensuring the ordinary work is done.

Mei Yan is mother to three boisterous children and two furry felines. She maintains her sanity with kopi siew dai, yoga and tarot reading, and hopes to pay off her sleep debt in this lifetime. You can find her musings on motherhood, mindfulness and mindful mothering @alittlepastbedtime.