“We Almost Walked Away”: SGAG's Adrian & His Wife Reflect On Their Marriage

They openly shared their struggles, from fertility to mental health and relationship issues in a studio interview. The twist? They couldn't hear each other's answers.

Share this article

Marriage is a constant work in progress. This Valentine's Day, we are celebrating couples who are committed to building a life together, no matter how tough the going gets. Here’s a reminder that every couple – no matter how strong and sweet their relationship seems – has their own battles to fight.

On a cosy December afternoon, we sat down with SGAG’s Adrian Ang (aka Xiao Ming), and his wife Goh Xin Lei – then 7 months pregnant with their second child – for a heart-to-heart about their marriage journey.

Having just celebrated nine years of marriage, the couple, both 38 this year, has also just levelled up to a family of four. [Editor's note: Their second child, Natalie, was born on Valentine's Day – the day we published this article.] What we want to hear is how they have progressed from dating to being married and more recently, facing fertility struggles while trying to conceive.

Arriving at our studio in matching beige, green and white tones for a video interview, they looked like a picture-perfect couple ready to take on any question we threw at them. At least, that’s what they thought until our crew brought out a pair of white headphones.

That’s when they realised they were not going to share their story like most couples do, side by side and speaking in turns. Instead, they were to do it with a pair of headphones in play. While one of them answered our questions, the other got lost in a private concert courtesy of our carefully curated playlist. They couldn’t hear a word, but they could see every smile, tear, or mischievous grin. Frustrating? Maybe. Refreshing? Absolutely.

As Xin Lei put on the headphones, Adrian quipped: “Feels kind of exciting, actually. For once, I can say something without, like, getting scolded.”

Written in the stars

Adrian believes it was fate that brought Xin Lei and him together. “We met in secondary school – me, the sailing captain, and her, the band major. I thought she was cute, but we barely spoke back then.”

It took about seven years for them to reconnect, when they were in university. “For some strange reason, we had the same MSN* status. We used the exact same lyric from a song, Angels and Demons!” Xin Lei shared. “After that he slid into my DMs and the rest is history.”

*MSN refers to MSN Messenger, the instant-messaging service that most millennials used in the noughties.

Shortly after, Adrian scored his first date with Xin Lei while they were on a school trip to Cambodia, volunteering at an orphanage. One night, he got everyone else to leave early so that they could head to a paddy field and stargaze. “We lay on the grass, just the two of us, talking under the stars. It felt like the perfect moment. I knew then that he was a romantic,” Xin Lei fondly recalled.

Taking things to the next level, literally

After three years of dating, Adrian proposed, but not before an ambitious expedition. In 2012, the couple embarked on a life-changing trip to Everest Base Camp. It was a challenge, both physically and mentally, but they completed it together. For him, it was more than just an adventure; it was the perfect moment to take the next step in their relationship. 

“I had this crazy idea of going to Everest Base Camp,” Adrian said. “One of my friends told me ‘if a girl is crazy enough to go with you, she’s the one’. So, I thought, if we made it to the top, I’d propose.”

And that marked the start of their happily Everest after.

For Xin Lei, it was Adrian’s consistent small acts of love that won her over. “He wasn’t just romantic on special occasions; he showed he cared all the time. He would surprise me with food or bubble tea late at night when I was working long hours. Those little gestures made me realise how much he was willing to invest in our relationship.”

Another special moment occurred at their three-year wedding anniversary, where Adrian planned a surprise trip. “He somehow managed to find my supervisor's email and asked if he could take leave on my behalf to take me on a two-day holiday,” Xin Lei recalled.

“Without me knowing, I was told I could go home early that day. When I got home, he had lined the house with petals leading to my bedroom, and there was a suitcase with the words: ‘Please pack up, we’re leaving in two hours.’”

Lowest points in the marriage

Having had their share of obstacles over the last nine years, Adrian admitted: “Marriage isn’t always easy. One of the hardest times was when we struggled to conceive. When we found out that the fertility issue was with me, my wife tried to comfort and support me while having to come to terms with it. And when we went through fertility treatments like IUI and IVF, I became her pillar of support.”

After multiple failed IVF attempts, the couple experienced a miscarriage. “It felt like... like we were stuck in this endless cycle of hope and heartbreak. But Xin Lei was so strong. Even when she felt broken, she kept going. She held us together.”

Adrian’s voice cracked, his emotions surfacing in a pained look. Xin Lei’s smile faltered. Her eyes softened as she reached out instinctively, even though she couldn’t hear the words.

Like Adrian, Xin Lei doesn’t gloss over the hard parts of their marriage. “The miscarriage was devastating. I felt like I was failing him, failing us. But Adrian never saw it that way. He never blamed me. He was just there, holding my hand through it all, reminding me that we were in it together. That’s the kind of man he is.”

Tears welled up in her eyes. Adrian, still clueless with the headphones on, noticed the shift in her expression. He furrowed his brow, trying to make out what she was saying. She waved him off with a smile, but the emotion lingered.

When the headphones came off momentarily, they both laughed nervously. “That was harder than I thought,” Adrian admitted. “Not being able to hear her but to see her emotions, it’s a new experience!”

The balancing act of parenthood

For them (and probably the rest of us), parenthood has been a mixed bag of emotions. Besides bringing them immeasurable joy, their firstborn Zachary was a test of their patience, energy and relationship.

“We weren’t prepared for how much it would change our relationship,” Xin Lei shared. “Before Zachary, we had all this time for each other. But suddenly, it was all about Zachary. It took some time to find our balance again. There were moments when we forgot to prioritise us – as a couple, not just as parents.”

Adrian echoed the same sentiments: “We’ve learned to adjust. To make time for date nights, even if it’s just Netflix on the couch after Zachary’s asleep.”

Truly, it takes parenthood to see parents in a new light.

Xin Lei added: “They say marriage can make or break a relationship, but I would say having kids can really make or break a couple. We managed to survive and come out on the other side stronger than before. So, I’m 101% confident that we are stronger than we were before having kids.”

Their journey to forever

As the interview wrapped up, they reflected on how far they’ve come. “Marriage is a journey,” Adrian said. “My wife has been really, really supportive in this journey. She sees how important it is for me to live an authentic life that I'm truly passionate and happy about.”

He shared that Xin Lei’s love and support enabled him to take a big step to confront some of the deepest and darkest things in his life. “I want to show up as the best version of myself so that I can love you better, and love our family better,” Adrian said.

While answering our final question (“What does forever mean to you?”) with headphones off, Xin Lei confessed that they were “very close to walking away” at one point.

“I think the best thing about us is that we’re always willing to try, to adapt, to forgive, and to keep choosing each other – every single day. We will always choose each other and choose to be with each other. Because we have gone through so many things, we could have walked away. So, yes, forever actually really means that we will not walk away.”

As tears dried (not ours *sniff*) and hearts lightened, Adrian joked: “This felt like couples therapy!”

Indeed. And to the rest of us who witnessed their intimate sharing, it’s a reminder that marriage is always a journey, a work in progress.

Share this article