Is Social Media Helping Or Hindering Your Parenting Journey?

A mother shares how social media helped her as a first-time parent, as well as its ugly side - when it aggravated her postpartum depression and feelings of insecurities in watching the seemingly put-together lives of other mothers her age. The good news is, you can curate your social media feed and choose what it does for you instead.

As a first-time mom, social media was a treasure trove of information and wisdom from other fellow parents. Since none of my closest girlfriends happened to be pregnant at the same time as me, social media was invaluable in helping me connect with other fellow women on the same journey, and receiving emotional support when the going got tough.

So when a friend of mine recently shared about how social media made her feel inferior as a first-time mother, and how a lot of posts made her feel triggered, we spent several hours discussing over lunch how we could manage our own social media usage for ourselves so that it becomes a boon, rather than a bane. 

Today, as a mother of two, I use social media for various reasons:

Keep in touch with my friends

Let’s be honest - as a mom, it can become almost impossible to meet up with our friends, especially when our children are still young. Juggling work and childcare on weekdays is already exhausting enough, much less on weekends, when we have to chauffeur them to their various activities or classes. 

Social media allows my friends and I to keep up-to-date with each other’s lives, and even provide emotional support as fellow parents. For instance, a friend of mine posted that her daughter just got hospitalised, which allowed me to reach out and check in on her (and her daughter). If not for social media, I may not have even known about the incident, and would then have appeared as a terrible friend for not “being” there to support her through it.

Learn about parenting

Traditionally, most of us learn how to parent by watching our own parents, friends and other people around us. But what if you want to parent differently, and no one around you practices or believes in that style of parenting?

This is where social media becomes helpful. What’s more, many of the parenting hacks and tips are shared in bite-sized forms, making them easier to digest and internalise.

Today, my husband and I often share Instagram posts and stories with each other that cover parenting topics, including how to talk to our child when he’s having a meltdown, or how to help him build his self-confidence by talking to his toys about his strengths (yes, you read that right).

Given how hectic our schedules are, these social media posts help us to learn how to become better parents, while validating our mistakes and feelings of frustration on days when we feel overwhelmed (or lose our temper at our child).

I also enjoy learning from my friends with older kids, especially when they share about what they regretted not doing. For instance, watching a friend post about how she regretted prioritizing her work over her kids when they were younger made me realize that I should feel thankful for all the moments I have with my toddlers now.

Getting advice and solutions

The reality is that no one helps a fellow parent better than one who has been through the same journey.

When I was beating myself up on the inside for being a low-supply mother, I found comfort in many others who reached out to share that they too, could only yield 30ml of breastmilk despite their best efforts. I learnt about various milk-boosting methods on social media, from recommended lactation foods to using acupuncture and more. Some worked and some didn’t, but the point is that I had access to a greater arsenal of resources thanks to social media.

When I shared about how the doctors told us my first child might be autistic as he was slow to speak, many mummies reached out to share about their own children who were “slow” as well, but later on became so talkative that we can no longer enjoy a moment of silence (lol). It brought me great comfort - and as it turned out, my child was NOT autistic after all; he just needed more time.

Of course, not all well-meaning advice always works, but I generally find it helpful to know more about what other parents would do or have done, so that I can weigh our options and decide on what’s best for our child.

The ugly side of social media

Of course, social media is a double-edged sword, and there have been occasions where it had a negative impact on my self-esteem.

People tend to show only their best side on social media, and first-time mothers may be more susceptible to feeling bad about themselves when they don’t seem to have everything in control. 

For instance, I struggled with post-partum depression because all the mummy influencers I was following at that time were posting about their ample milk supply and how quickly they lost their pregnancy weight from just breastfeeding.

On the other hand, there I was with a 30ml milk supply and almost 15kg heavier than my pre-pregnancy figure. I hated how I looked and felt, but seeing others seemingly have it all under control made me inadvertently compare my body to theirs and resulted in me feeling even worse about myself. 

A friend of mine recently shared about her similar concerns. My tip for her was simple: unfollow these people so that their posts won’t trigger you. Protect your emotional well-being first. You can always follow them back next time.

After all, it is up to us to curate our own social media feed, so make sure you use it as a tool that will help and serve your needs instead.

Dawn Cher is a mother of two boys and the founder of financial blog SG Budget Babe. Work aside, she is proudest about having lost 20kg in a year, becoming lighter than her pre-pregnancy days. She believes in fairytales (don't tell her otherwise!).