5 Things Teachers Wish Parents Wouldn’t Do

Raising and educating a child in 2024 is a world of difference from when we were kids ourselves. The days of seeing the teacher as a strict (and sometimes unreasonable) authority figure are over.

In modern times, the teacher is a nurse, cheerleader, educator, disciplinarian, and more importantly, your partner in raising your child. Establishing a healthy relationship with them goes far beyond giving them a nice card and flowers every September — it takes work and conscious communication, all year round.

In the lead-up to Teacher’s Day, we take a look at five things that teachers wish parents wouldn’t do, so as to make life easier for everyone involved.

5 Don'ts For Parents

1. Don’t be too defensive

It takes a village to raise a child — and that village includes your child’s teacher, who wants the best for him/her as well. When the teacher speaks to you about a concern they have, take the time to listen and clarify instead of jumping to your child’s defence right away. Rather than see it as a complaint about your child, take it that they’re sharing their concerns so you can come up with a plan together.

Mdm Z, who has taught for 10 years at a secondary school, wants parents to know that teachers share feedback about their children because they care. “If you and I speak the same language to the child, chances are that we can drive across the right message to the child,” she assures.

If you argue with the teacher, chances are it’ll break the trust that your child has with their teacher. It already takes a lot of sweat (and sometimes tears) for the teacher to build a relationship with your child — so try to see them as a partner in raising your child, not an enemy.

2. Don’t blindly assume based on something your child said

Teachers have so many students to deal with in the course of their day, so there’s a chance an inflection of the voice or an action may be misinterpreted by your child.

“Clarify with us if you hear anything dubious from your child. Sometimes, children do not understand the intentions of decisions teachers make in the classroom,” shared Ms V, who has 10 years of experience teaching in a secondary school.

Having said this, Ms V appreciates it when parents clarify things with her and then take the time to explain to their children. “It shows that parents are willing to work together with us to develop their children.” 

Ms J, with 17 teaching years under her belt, agrees. “Before accusing or insulting a teacher, seek to understand, rather than just seek to be understood. We all have the best intentions for our young ones.”

And then once your assumption has been clarified, drop the teacher a thank-you message. It is a delight for Ms J when parents take the time to personally thank her for making a difference in their children’s lives. 

3. Don’t be a “complaint queen”

If there’s something wrong at work, would you rather your client communicate with you professionally first or go straight to your boss? Exactly.

Sometimes teachers may not have the answer or solution to everything. Even with years of training or experience, something can happen for the very first time. And this also means that sometimes, teachers can make mistakes along the way no matter how seasoned they are.

If that happens, approach the teacher directly for a talk instead of threatening to send emails to their principal or the Ministry of Education. Escalating the issue without first talking to the teacher isn’t the fastest way to get it resolved because it creates even more problems for the already busy school administration — and as an inadvertent side effect, you create a reputation for yourself as the “problem parent” in the staff room.

4. Don’t assume teachers are psychics

Not everything that your child undergoes can be known to your teachers. Teachers are not psychics who can look into your child’s eyes and guess what challenges they may be going through at home. 

“Update us with what is happening at home, especially if it affects a child psychologically,” shares Mdm Z. “Leave out the details if you feel uncomfortable revealing them, but as long as a significant event is affecting a child emotionally, teachers need to know.” 

With an endless to-do list and many students to deal with every day, teachers may take a longer time to figure out if a child is in distress. Proactive communication can help the teacher identify strategies that can help your child manage their emotions.

5. Don’t be too high-maintenance

While proactive communication is good, it can stray into high-maintenance territory if you’re not careful. Don’t be one of those parents who creates a Whatsapp group with the teacher and your spouse to “discuss updates”. If regular correspondence is necessary for good reason, the teacher will establish a communication channel with you, not the other way around. Imagine: if a teacher has 30 students, and all 30 parents were constantly messaging the teacher, nothing would ever get done.

Instead, at the next face-to-face meeting, you can ask the teacher what communication channels they use. Some may send updates via an app like ClassDojo, while others may reach out via a phone call when necessary. More importantly, trust that the teacher is looking out for your child — and that they also want the best for them.