My Son Was Being Chased In School… And He Didn’t Want Me To Help

I’m grateful to have an expressive son who’s willing to share nuggets of his primary school life with me. But sometimes, I’m not quite sure how to respond — especially when it comes to tricky situations like a child being bullied at school.

One such conversation happened last year, a few months into his Primary 1 life.

It started like this: “Some boys in class keep chasing me, mummy.”

After asking a few follow-up questions, I realised this had been going on for a while — during recess — and that it was bothering him.

“I don’t want to play with them, but they keep chasing me.”

It sounded like one of those playground things. Annoying, but not serious. The kind where kids just need to figure it out themselves.

My very logical response (that didn’t work at all)

So I said what made sense to me.

“If you don’t want to be chased, then don’t run.”

Sounds simple, right? If you don’t participate, the game stops.

But my son didn’t take that as an option.

It took me a while to understand why.

To me, it’s: Just walk away.

To him, it’s: If I walk away, what happens to me socially?

So I did what mums do

The complaints kept coming. And they were the same each time.

So I discussed it with my husband and we did what we felt was the “right” thing — we informed his teacher.

She observed the situation in school, then stepped in by speaking to the boys, both as a group and privately with my son.

Everything was handled properly. Or so I thought.

That uncomfortable realisation

Until one day, he said to me: “Can you stop talking to my teacher?”

That was when it hit me — my “help” wasn’t very appreciated.

I had crossed some line I didn’t know existed.

While I was worrying about bullying, he was navigating friendships. Trying to figure out who he is in that space, who he wants to be, and what he’s willing to tolerate.

And maybe he needed to do that on his own terms.

Then I found out what he’d been doing during recess

The story doesn’t end here. And this part really got to me.

Thanks to my reliable school spy (aka my older child), I discovered that my son was spending his recess time running instead of eating.

One day, he proudly told me: “Mummy, I can run faster now. They cannot catch me already.”

My heart broke. At the same time, everything clicked.

This wasn’t just a game to him. The running — training, getting faster — was his way of coping.

He had a plan, and it worked!

Watch the Too Tired Mums episode here.

The part I’m still figuring out

Of course, I’m not assuming his school life will be smooth-sailing from here on.

As a parent, I will keep worrying. There’s always a voice in my head asking: Should I step in? Should I do more?

But I’ve also realised this: Our kids have their own social worlds that we don’t fully understand.

And sometimes, when we step in too quickly in the hopes of solving a problem, we may only be fixing it in the short term.

Stepping back — and letting them figure things out — might be the longer-term solution we are overlooking.

When does it become bullying?

And this is where it gets complicated.

When does something cross the line into bullying? When can we trust our kids to handle it themselves? When should we step in?

I don’t have clear answers.

My approach? See how it goes

Like everything else in parenting, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to handling bullying in school.

For now, I’m trying to be a better listener to my kids — not just to what they say, but also to what they don’t.

I’m still watching, checking in, and ready to step in if needed.

But I’m also reminding myself to step back more. Even when it’s uncomfortable. Even when it breaks my heart.

Because ultimately, I want to raise children who can solve problems on their own — and feel confident facing them, without always expecting us to swoop in and rescue them.

Just because the way they cope doesn’t look the way we expect, it doesn’t mean they’re not coping at all.

Too Tired Mums is The Singapore Women’s Weekly’s original talk show series that gives motherhood its most honest voice — where real mums open up about the things we don’t always say out loud, reminding us that we’re never truly alone.

Host: Estelle Low
Guest: Ava Gao
Producer: Maya Eman
Art director: Michelle Lee
Videography, studio setup and editing: Studio+65
Makeup: Dorcas Yam, using Dior
Hairstyling: Pattama Phumriew, using Schwarzkopf Osis+