I Had Branded-School FOMO Choosing A Primary School

In Singapore, “every school is a good school” may be true in the broad sense of it. But it certainly doesn’t mean every school is built the same.

As a millennial parent who went through the Singapore education system without affiliations, alumni connections or parents who volunteered at schools, I have seen how being in an “elite” school system can benefit Singaporeans.

Of course, that realisation came later, when I was in junior college and then a local university. The network, the opportunities, the proximity to privilege and families with more resources — all of that can shape a child’s experience in ways that are hard to ignore.

That is why choosing which primary school to register our child in can feel like a dilemma for many parents in Singapore. Distance, convenience, school culture, prestige… it is unlikely for one school to check every box. So we are forced to prioritise.

And in that prioritising, we may end up confronting something deeper: our own insecurities as parents.

I realised this again during a recent Too Tired Mums conversation with mum-of-two and parenting coach Ava Gao, where we spoke about how we chose primary schools for our children.

For Ava, the process started early. More than a year before P1 registration, she was already speaking to parents whose children were in the schools she had shortlisted.

“I wanted to understand how it was really like,” she shared. “I didn’t want to be put in a situation where I feel like I’m just guessing.”

Fair enough.

Open houses tell you one thing. Official websites tell you another. School reputations can linger for years, even when the culture on the ground has changed.

So parents ask around. We speak to friends, neighbours, colleagues, friends of friends — anyone who might have a child in that school. We compare notes. We listen carefully.

In Ava’s case, she even sat at a cafe near one of the schools she was considering.

“I wanted to sense how the kids are like,” she said. “Are they happy going out of the school? How’s the vibe like, literally?”

She went into “sneaky mode”, as she called it.

I didn’t do the fieldwork, but the more I think about it, the more it makes sense. Beneath all the school talk, that is what many of us are trying to figure out. Will my child be happy in this school? Will this environment bring out the best in them? Will they feel safe, stretched, seen?

For me, my anxiety showed up differently.

When it was time to register my firstborn for primary school, I was very tempted by a branded school near where I live. Not having experienced an elite school myself, I wondered what it would be like for my children if they did.

Would they get a stronger academic foundation? Would they be surrounded by more driven peers? Would the school open doors in ways I could not imagine?

I have friends who attended elite primary schools and admitted they did not exactly enjoy their primary school years. They remembered the stress and pressure. But they agreed on one thing: it gave them a strong foundation in their academic subjects and studying methods, which helped in secondary school and beyond.

As a parent, that is hard to ignore.

No matter how much we say childhood is more than grades, many of us still carry the belief that a strong academic start matters. Especially those of us who are not exactly privileged, and do not have back-up plans waiting for our children.

So yes, we don’t want to raise stressed-out children, but we also don’t want to deny them opportunities.

While I was entertaining thoughts of registering my child into the branded school near us, my husband made himself quite clear. He did not want our children to grow up in an environment that felt too stressful or academically intense. He preferred a school that felt more balanced and less pressured overall.

Since he felt so strongly about it, I eventually deferred to him.

But if I am being honest, part of me still wonders: what if?

What if we had chosen the branded school? What if my children had been pushed more? What if we were giving up something valuable by choosing the less intense route?

Four-and-a-half years on, those questions have died down, but they have not disappeared.

My daughter is now in Primary 5. She has no major issues with schoolwork. She’s fairly well-adjusted, has friends, and still comes home with minimal homework. Some days, there is none at all.

In her first few years of primary school, I found this unsettling.

Is she being stretched enough? Are we being too relaxed?

That discomfort has to do with my ideas of learning — and I suspect, many parents’ as well.

That, to me, is the uncomfortable part of primary school choice. It is not only about the child in front of us. It is also about the parent inside us.

It brings up our own education history. Our ideas of success. Our fear of making the wrong call. Our worry that other parents are being more strategic, more kiasu, more willing to do what it takes.

As much as the government tries to equalise schools and cool down the “arms race”, branded-school FOMO is real.

If a school has prestige, strong alumni, a long history, good results or a certain social reputation, choosing otherwise can feel like a risk.

Here’s the thing: prestige is not imaginary. Networks matter. So do resources and peer environments. These things can shape confidence, exposure and opportunity.

But they are not the only things that matter.

As a parent, I also think about family values, stress levels, and whether my children have the freedom to be themselves and pursue their interests. More than anything, I want to raise children who are grounded, self-aware, independent-minded, and kind.

That is why Ava’s cafe observation stayed with me. After all the conversations, research and second-hand opinions, she still wanted to see the children for herself.

Were they happy?

Of course, happiness is not the only measure of a good school. A child can be happy and still need challenge. A school can be academically strong and still nurturing. A neighbourhood school can be excellent. A branded school can be the right fit for some children.

There is no one right answer, because there is no one kind of child.

But the process becomes healthier when we are honest about what we are bringing into it: our hopes, fears, assumptions, insecurities, and our own unfinished feelings about school and success.

For me, choosing my child’s primary school made me confront my branded-school FOMO.

Four-and-a-half years on, I am learning that the “right” school may not be the one that checks the most impressive boxes, or the one that sends home the most work.

Sometimes, it is the one where your child comes home happy, still has time to be a child, and slowly shows you that this version of good may be enough.

Watch The Too Tired Mums episode here.

Too Tired Mums is The Singapore Women’s Weekly’s original talk show series that gives motherhood its most honest voice — where real mums open up about the things we don’t always say out loud, reminding us that we’re never truly alone.

Host: Estelle Low
Guest: Ava Gao
Producer: Maya Eman
Art director: Michelle Lee
Videography, studio setup and editing: Studio+65
Makeup: Dorcas Yam, using Dior
Hairstyling: Pattama Phumriew, using Schwarzkopf Osis+