7 Things To Agree On With Your Husband Before Travelling With The In-Laws  

If the thought of travelling with the in-laws sends shivers down your spine, you’re not alone. This is a big one! Going on a trip with your own parents would be stressful enough, what more your spouse’s. Throw kids into the mix, with their different needs, routines and schedules, and things tend to get even more complicated.

A Skyscanner survey in Hong Kong found that among respondents who had travelled with their in-laws, 76 per cent of them had argued with their spouse or in-laws over the trip. The top reasons for conflict surveyed were “differences in living and eating habits”, “different itinerary expectations” and “convenience of visiting planned attractions” (or rather, inconvenience). 

In order to have a harmonious trip, it’s important that you and your spouse communicate and make some clear agreements beforehand. Here are seven essential things to discuss and agree on in order to avoid potential conflicts, so you can have an enjoyable holiday together. Remember, communication — both before and during the trip — is key! 

1. Spouse comes first

This is the first and most important thing to agree upon. A fair bit of “in-law conflict” stems from one spouse feeling like the other is more loyal to their parents than to them. It’s important for both parties to recognise and behave like your allegiance is now to your spouse first. That doesn’t mean casting each other’s family aside; it just means you know who takes priority. 

2. Align on money matters

As in marriage and many other relationships, money can be a great source of strife. Setting a clear budget for the trip, and clearly accounting for expenses and how they are to be shared will help prevent misunderstanding and unhappiness. Before planning the trip, make sure that financial expectations are aligned — for instance, have everyone agree on how much to spend on transport, accommodations, meals and activities, and how contributions are to be divided. 

3. Plan the itinerary together

Perhaps you wish to get in some shopping; the kids want to hit the theme park; and the grandparents are hoping to unwind in nature. Want to make everyone happy? Hold a family meeting. Ensure that all parties have an equal say in the itinerary and that everyone's wants and needs are factored in (even if not perfectly). While exhausting, getting everyone on the same page can help avert conflict on the trip — just make sure to stick closely to the plan!

4. Respect cultural and personal differences

Depending on how long you’ve been together, you may or may not be aware of certain quirks or preferences of your partner’s family. If you haven’t known his parents for long, ask about their cultural or family traditions that may influence the trip. These can include communication styles, eating or sleeping habits and personal peeves. Understanding and respecting each other's differences will help create an inclusive and agreeable atmosphere.

5. Be clear on roles and responsibilities 

This is about understanding, setting and managing expectations between you and your spouse. Ideally, you should be able to clearly define all roles and responsibilities beforehand. For instance, who will be the designated main driver for your road trip? Or how do you split up childcare duties? Clarifying these things minimises potential conflicts and builds a sense of teamwork. However, you should also agree at this point to stay flexible and compromise should unforeseen circumstances arise, which demand more of either party. 

6. Allow for personal space and boundaries 

Travelling with the in-laws can be hyper-stimulating and create a sensory overload for the introverted. Instead of waiting for that moment when one of you feels like you’ve “had enough”, give each other permission (before the trip) to create personal space and downtime. Perhaps you could take turns to do grocery runs alone, or book that massage you badly need during baby’s nap time. Even if it's just for a few minutes each day, having “me time” away from the pack can help you both stay calm and centred even when challenges come up.

7. Devise a communication strategy  

Having a fight with the husband in front of your in-laws is the last thing you want while overseas. To cater for moments of tension, establish ground rules for communication (such as “hashing things out only in private”). Alternatively, come up with a safe word to signal the need for a discussion later or when you need to tap out.  

With a healthy dose of respect, and by staying open-minded and flexible, you can absolutely enjoy your trip with the in-laws. Try to stay positive, have fun and make happy memories — who knows, this might just make the best bonding experience for the entire family!