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Let's agree on this: motherhood forces you to grow up in ways you never knew you could, no matter your age and the experiences you've had.
The same goes for content creator Cheryl Chin, who had her first child at 22, following a whirlwind romance with ex-husband Titus Low.
It was a period of upheaval for Cheryl after her two-week confinement, as she struggled to look after her newborn while breastfeeding without much help at home. In her words: "My postpartum depression was real. I felt so, so alone. I was surviving with barely any sleep." Adding to that, her marriage was on the rocks.
It wasn't until her helper arrived four months into motherhood, that Cheryl managed to catch a breather and sort out her thoughts. Having a helper was a turning point in Cheryl's motherhood journey, and she has been nothing short of grateful for it.
Which leads us to this: how much of parenting should be entrusted to domestic helpers? Why are people so quick to judge mums who get help with parenting duties?
Two Tired Mums Episode 6 With Cheryl Chin – Is It Wrong To "Outsource" Parenting Duties To Helpers?
In this season finale of Two Tired Mums, The Singapore Women's Weekly's editor-in-chief Estelle Low and SPH Media's senior producer-presenter Jill Lim are joined by Cheryl Chin for an open and emotional chat on modern motherhood, mum guilt, and what help really means.
Cheryl takes us through her journey: from handling (almost) everything in the early postpartum days with her daughter Elleria, to finally getting help from her parents and a helper. She talks about her shifting views on marriage, the toll on her mental health, and why asking for help shouldn’t come with shame.
Together, they unpack the stigma surrounding mums who get help, and explore how we can raise mothers and kids who are well-adjusted.
Timestamps
0:52 - 1:56: The Topic Of "Outsourcing" Parenting
Estelle shares an overview of the article that elicited strong reactions online. The writer delegated all parenting duties – except breastfeeding – to her helper for the first four months of her baby's life.
1:57 - 3:58: Cheryl Did It All (At First)
Cheryl recounts her postpartum journey in the first four months, where she had no helper and took on most of the newborn duties on top of breastfeeding, after just two weeks of confinement.
3:59 - 6:22: How Cheryl Managed It By Herself
Cheryl shares how the support she received – breastfeeding, lactation support, confinement food services – from various brands helped her get through the difficult initial postpartum period.
6:23 - 7:29: Why Is Post-Confinement Help Stigmatised?
Jill questions cultural expectations that mums should resume all duties once their confinement ends. Why are we so quick to judge mums, especially those with full-time jobs, who get help?
7:30 - 9:55: How Cheryl Coped With Postpartum Depression
Cheryl gets frank about her spirals post-birth, her experience with mum guilt, and issues with the word "outsourcing".
9:56 - 13:43: Having Help Made Cheryl A Better Mum
Having a helper freed Cheryl to focus on big parenting decisions and growing her career to support her child.
13:44 - 14:57: Parenting Misalignment
Cheryl reflects on mismatched parenting expectations with her ex-husband Titus Low, and the toll it took on their marriage.
14:58 - 16:52: The Difference Help Makes To The Mental Load
Jill and Cheryl reflect on what having a capable and trustworthy helper means to the mother's mental load.
16:53 - 19:14: Are Helpers “Ruining” Kids?
Cheryl addresses triggering perspectives about helpers "ruining" kids. Cheryl and Jill highlight that helpers should be treated with due respect.
19:15 - 19:44: Mum Guilt Is Real
Jill opens up about her mum guilt when she had her firstborn, and how she got past that.
19:45 - 22:18: Important Values To Impart To Kids
Cheryl shares why she wants to teach her daughter about gratitude, among other things.
22:19 - 26:44: Finding Me Time
Estelle confesses that she takes leave from work to recharge, without telling her kids. Cheryl shares how she makes time for her favourite activities without feeling guilty.
26:45 - 28:20: What Cheryl Wants In A Partner
Cheryl tells us what she's looking for in a long-term partner, including why more mature men are preferred.
28:21 - 32:08: If Elleria Follows In Her Footsteps...
Cheryl shares how every path she has taken has shaped her into the person she is. She wants to guide her daughter Elleria with the same love and support she has received from her parents.
Hosts: Estelle Low and Jill LimProducer: Maya EmanArt direction: Michelle LeeVideography, studio setup and digital backdrop: Joel Chng, Marc De Souza and Zeke TanStyling: Angela ChuMakeup: Dorcas YamHairstyling: Pattama PhumriewOutfits: Longchamp
Produced by: The Singapore Women's WeeklyPost-production: Studio+65
Two Tired Mums is a talk show hosted by The Weekly’s editor-in-chief Estelle Low and SPH Media’s senior producer-presenter Jill Lim. Diving into touchy topics, the millennial mums unpack the reality and hard truths of motherhood and parenting in Singapore today. Expect hilarious and “me too!” moments in their intimate and unscripted conversations over a cuppa – the kind of catch-ups mums need to have more of.
