Adrian Pang Wants Singaporeans To Move On As A Community With Optimism
The theatre veteran chats with The Weekly about his plans for NDP 2022, what matters the most in his life and the experiences that have shaped him
By Sandhya Mahadevan -
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Adrian Pang needs no introduction. Even if you are not a fan of the theatre. The cofounder of theatre company Pangdemonium has been a dominating presence in the local media and theatre scene here since the ‘90s. This year, he will be directing the show segment for National Day (NDP) 2022.
For Pang, this is an affirmation of the role of arts and culture in Singapore's future – as reiterated by Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong. For someone whose life is consumed by theatre, Pang admits to have stumbled on his career by chance. Joining the drama club was an escape and “a means to get over my teenage angst. But I got hooked”, says the 56-year-old, adding with a chuckle that it proved to be a great way to meet girls. He began participating in school plays while studying in the UK and before long theatre carved itself into his career path – much to the dismay of his parents, “who still wonder what I am doing with my life”, laughs Pang.
Theatre may have appealed to him for giving him an “opportunity to get into the lives of the characters I portray”, but those who have watched Pang on stage can testify that the comment stems from a place of deep introspection than a hint at voyeurism.
There’s an air of ease when conversing with Pang. He smiles easily, laughs heartily, often at himself. He calls himself a loner, but prone to making a lot of noise. That is something that his audience can stand testament to as well. When watching Pang on stage – as far away as he is being onstage, the certain irreverence with which he portrays his characters is like a gentle nudge into an inner circle, where you can openly express feelings and emotions without facing judgement.
That was the driving force of Pangdemonium, the theatre company he cofounded with his wife Tracie in 2009 – to delve deep into complex personalities, and sensitive subjects and topics. The objective was to use theatre as a tool not for preaching, rather trigger “deep conversations about issues that are not usually spoken about”, explains Pang, which, he admits can be rather challenging in an Asian culture where open sharing is not the norm. The company was also the dream space where the couple could have the creative freedom they had always dreamed of.
Pang in the Pangdemonium play Late Company with his younger son, Xander
But the young couple with a younger family – they have two sons Zachary and Xander, now 23 and 21, respectively – had their hands full. “Pangdemonium was the daughter we never had,” jokes Pang “Tracie and I have always said that we have two sons and now, we have given them a sister.“
Pang and Tracie may both the artistic directors, but Tracie is the resident director – she directs the plays that Pang acts in under the Pangdemonium umbrella. “She is the boss! She decides whether she sees me as the right fit for our plays,” he adds.
Two strong willed people, batting with different artistic temperaments – that’s a recipe for marital tension for two people living under one roof. Pang gesticulates the shape of a ball, to indicate that there are moments when things can get pretty heated up and come to a head, but the couple have over time learnt to agree to disagree and let go. It’s no wonder that 27 years and counting, their marriage is still going strong.
This year, however, Pang will be in the director’s seat – as the creative director of National Day (NDP) 2022, he will be directing the show segment. In true fashion, he would like to take this opportunity to look back at the year – rather pandemic era – and take a pause. “We have been going through a really difficult time together, but we are a young nation, and this is not the first struggle in our history and not the last we will have. I want to tell the collective story of what we have learnt from this,” says Pang. “It is hard for me define patriotism, but at the risk of sounding corny, for me it’s the ability to live communally, embrace the feeling of family and the willingness to protect them against all odds.”
There is in fact no need for Pang to say much about it – his upcoming play LKY Musical where he plays the man who embodied this feeling of national pride – is testament enough. Pang was approached for the role in 2013, but he had declined it as he felt it was a role fraught with complex and sensitive issues. “The musical was scheduled to launch in 2020, “but the virus had other plans”. The musical is now slated for a September release and rehearsals are ongoing. But Pang is not part of them until after National Day.
Along with the hope that the nation looks forward optimistically as a people who can overcome odds, Pang sees the NDP show as an opportunity to share his own journey with mental health issues, which by his own admission he has been battling on and off for a few years. It got to head when the pandemic hit and theatre came to a halt. That it was something that theatre companies around the world were in the situation was not enough consolation. Pang sank deeper and deeper into depression.
“I had it easy in a way, a lot of people are battling so much more. The message we have tried to convey in Pangdemonium’s plays that have dealt with mental health is that there is no shame. It’s totally okay to ask for help and seek out professional help.”
It was, as he found out, easier said than done. Pang found himself in several stages of denial and his family, who have been his life raft throughout his journey, had to eventually rally around and urge him to seek professional help. “Talking to someone helped me look back at various stages of my life and at the baggage I had accumulated. I have no idea why I was still carrying some of them from so long ago.”
Pang has admitted in previous interviews that he was going through a period of depression so debilitating that it was impossible for him to function. Today, he has come to the realisation that it is not about shutting himself off from the things that were bothering him – the feeling of loss, inadequacy, the crippling doubts, and existential questions – rather acknowledging and accepting them and moving on despite them.
This open communication is what Pang shares with his sons. “Sometimes we share too much,” laughs Pang, so much so that Tracie, the female spoke in the family wheel is always chiding them to keep the conversation off the dinner table.
“Tracie and I didn’t start out with a plan when it came to parenting. Like ‘Hey, let’s do this’,” adds Pang. The only reference they had was their own upbringing and for the rest, they just went with the flow. “We made mistakes along the way. Our children made their own too, but what is important is that they learnt from it,” says Pang.
This rings true when it comes to their career paths as well. Zackary graduated from School of the Arts (SOTA) in 2018 and had just compensated his second year at drama school in London, and Xander is pursuing a course in Psychology. But both of them are actively involved in theatre. Pang is quick to clarify that it was not by design—"Tracie and I had no hand in it” he smiles, adding more seriously that it is important for them that their sons followed the path that makes them happy. “Even when it came to grades, I have always told them, it’s about how much you want it. It doesn’t matter to us whether they get high grades or not – do it for yourself.”
One does wonder how a family of theatre professionals find the balance. “Tracie and I invariably talk shop, as much as we try to avoid it at the dinner table. But the boys love it and are always urging us to continue,” says Pang.
Keeping the characters he plays separate from his life is the mark of a good actor and Pang scores high in that respect. Among the emotionally charged roles he has played, his role in The Son, an adaptation of Florian Zeller’s play was probably the hardest hitting. Pang plays a domineering and conservative father who refuses to acknowledge his son Nicolas’ (played by Zachary) struggle with mental health.
Zachary was reenacting a part of him in real life having struggled with depression – and he got through it thanks to the unconditional support of his family. Pang’s emotions peak at the memory of playing an inconsiderate father. It was one of the biggest challenges by his own admission. “He really broke my heart on stage every day, “says Pang of Zachary’s Nicolas, recalling his struggle with separating his character from his real-life persona. “I would be backstage watching him going through his emotional spirals on stage, and then, I would go on stage being the father that says the most hurtful things to him.”
In 2019, Pang enacted emotions of a different kind in Late Company, in which he starred with his younger son, Xander.
“I am still an actor on hire,” declares Pang in all humility, but his convincing acts stand testament to his acting prowess and evolution as a person. “I learn from the characters I play,” he admits. Each role he plays, he sees a bit of himself in them.
The pandemic has been equally challenging for Pandemonium. Pang knows the road to bouncing back is going to be slow. With borders opening up all around, Pang is under no illusion that theatre is the last thing on everyone’s minds, but they remain optimistic and intend to restart their season ticket offerings. Come October, Pangdemonium's next production End of the Rainbow has all the makings of a hit with a rock-solid story line – the legendary Judy Garland and her struggles with life, family and her own demons. Excited as Pang is about the upcoming show, it's reality-check time: "I would like to get through the next few weeks first!"