I Took A Couple’s Trip Without My Baby Just 4 Months Postpartum

Before having my baby daughter, my husband and I were avid travellers. We visited faraway countries like Norway, Iceland and Hawaii, taking two to three trips a year.

When our baby arrived, we thought it would be the end of our travels for a while, since caring for her would naturally take priority. We were happy to put travelling on hold and welcome our little bundle of joy. 

A getaway proposal

When our daughter was about four months old, an opportunity presented itself. My husband was about to start a new job, and he suggested we take a couple’s trip to Japan before he began his new role.

We had the support of both my parents and our trusted helper at home. Our baby was also attending infant care during the day, which would give them a break from caregiving too. 

I had already been away once on a four-day work trip, with my husband caring for our baby at home. But this was different. This time, both of us would be gone. Being away together for a holiday, rather than for work, made the decision feel harder to justify. 

The thought of leaving her behind made me feel guilty. Bringing her along wasn’t an option, as she still wasn’t sleeping through the night and we didn’t feel ready to travel with her. 

Were we bad parents for taking a break so soon after our baby’s birth?

Some friends thought leaving a baby for even a few days was unthinkable. On the other hand, we also knew another couple who travelled without their baby because they had a capable “village” to care for her.

I mulled it over. A couple’s trip would give me much-needed respite from the exhausting postpartum period. My body had just begun to recover from childbirth, and a change of scenery would help me reset mentally. Motherhood is such a tough and all-consuming journey — shouldn’t I take time to bond with my husband and give myself a break?

Off to Japan

After much deliberation, I agreed to take the vacation. My parents moved into our home to help care for our baby. We planned a 10-day trip to Tokyo, Hiroshima and Osaka, wanting to make the most of my husband’s break before his new job. The fact that I wasn’t breastfeeding also made it possible for me to be away longer.

Once we arrived in Tokyo, I knew I had made the right choice. I felt happy and excited to be on the road again, enjoying delicious Japanese cuisine with my husband and exploring sights we had never been to before. These included Mount Fuji and Tokyo’s Meiji Shrine. 

We also took the bullet train to Hiroshima and visited its attractions like the Hiroshima Peace Memorial Museum, Atomic Bomb Dome and Miyajima Island with the famed Itsukushima Shrine. 

My parents would send me daily updates about my baby too — videos of themselves playing with her before infant care. It was a win-win for all of us!

Illness struck

But alas — on day five of our trip while roaming Hiroshima, my parents texted us that our baby had developed a fever of 38 deg C, along with a cough and cold.

This was her first illness, and I felt guilty for not being there to comfort her in her time of need. I was also anxious about her condition becoming more serious. 

Still, I reminded myself it wasn’t our fault — there was no way to predict she would fall sick during our trip. I chose to stay calm (no easy feat for a worrier like me) and trust my support network at home.

My parents took her to the doctor, who confirmed it was a viral infection and advised rest. Friends we consulted echoed the same advice. 

Over the next few days, my parents and helper cared for her. To our surprise, she was still in good spirits — smiling and enjoying story time with my mum. One kind friend even came over to reassure my parents that our daughter would be fine.

I definitely had to fight the mum guilt, especially since I made the decision to travel without my daughter. We could also see her coughing in some videos my mother sent us. But I also made it a point to enjoy my trip, having faith in the people I entrusted my baby girl with. 

So in Osaka, I chose to relish the last leg of our holiday — enjoying the rides at Universal Studios, chomping down on okonomiyaki in a back-alley eatery and strolling along the vibrant Dotonbori in the evenings.

When we returned, our baby had mostly recovered, though her cough lingered for the rest of the week.

Reflections 

Despite not being around for my baby’s first illness, I have no regrets about taking the trip with my husband. I came back refreshed after my holiday, and ready to face the everyday demands of parenting again.

Being a mother is a huge part of my life now, but it isn’t my whole identity.

I’m also a wife who wants to nurture my marriage, an explorer who finds joy in discovering new places, and a woman who simply needs rest and recreation to recharge.

The break also brought me closer to my husband. With all the changes and transitions of new parenthood, we hadn’t spent much time together as a couple.

I also recognise that I am incredibly privileged to have a village of support at home — not every parent has that. But if you do, and the opportunity arises, don’t feel guilty about taking a baby-free trip as a couple. A break can strengthen both your marriage and your ability to sustain the difficult journey of parenthood.

For our next trip, we’re planning to embrace the challenge and bring our daughter along. We can’t wait to explore the world together as a family! For now, I’m thankful for the memories I made with just my husband, and the chance to visit one of my favourite countries just four months postpartum.

Rebecca Wong is a freelance writer, actress and new mum to a baby girl. She still can’t get over the fact that she squeezed a tiny human out of her body. Connect with her @rebeccarachelwong.