I Thought Pregnancy Killed My Sex Life — But It Only Got Better

Mum Sex Diaries is a first-person, confession-style series that creates space for mums to share honestly about sex: the longing, the uncertainty, the awkward bits, and the moments that are unexpectedly funny. From pregnancy and postpartum sex to exploring intimacy solo, these stories reflect the realities many of us live but rarely say out loud.

When I saw the two pink lines again, I cried. Not just because I was happy, but because I was also terrified. 

I was 35, my husband and I had been together for 13 years and married for five, and we had already gone through one pregnancy loss. That grief was still with me.

During the first trimester, I became super kiasi about everything.

I mean, after all that I’d been through with my first miscarriage, I was going all out to protect my baby. I religiously took my vitamins, quit my stressful job and even stopped all sexual activities. A friend with two kids had also told me that it’s better to abstain from sex in the first few months “just to be safe”. 

I’m not sure if there’s any science behind avoiding sex during the first trimester, but my anxious, newly pregnant brain latched onto her words like it was the law. I mean, what if something happened again?

And so we didn’t.

But the longer we abstained, the hornier I got.

So when I finally hit the second trimester, we decided to try having sex. It felt like the perfect timing as well — my morning sickness had faded, I could finish a meal without gagging, and I actually felt a bit like myself again. 

It wasn’t some grand moment. We were just lounging on the couch, half-watching Netflix, half-scrolling on our phones, when we caught each other’s eye… And just knew.

Now, if you’re imagining we tore each other’s clothes off like a scene from Fifty Shades of Grey, you’re going to be sorely disappointed.

Sex for the first time in three months wasn’t exactly fiery or cinematic. In fact, he kept pausing to ask, “Pain? You okay? Can or not? Sure?” every few seconds. We also experimented with all sorts of different positions and tried not to laugh. 

I’m not sure when the magic happened, but it did.

We slowed down. Sex felt incredibly tender. Slower. More intentional.

I stopped overthinking about the “what-ifs” that could happen to the baby.

Gradually, sex during pregnancy became this mix of romantic yet funny, trial-and-error experiments. My big belly overhauled everything: the sex positions, angles, and even the pace. After enough tries, I found that being on top was the sweet spot.

My husband was very steady and open to ideas throughout. In fact, he focused more on my wellbeing and the baby’s than his own. There was no pressure for (nor did I give) other forms of intimacy either. 

While I restored some semblance of sex life after the first trimester, my evolving pregnancy-related symptoms threw a spanner in the works. I experienced carpal tunnel syndrome as my pregnancy progressed. And towards the end of my pregnancy, I was just uncomfortable 24/7.

Too big, too tired

By the time the third trimester rolled around, my belly basically had a life of its own. Everyone told me pregnant women often get hornier at that stage. But seriously, the discomfort far outweighed the need for sex. 

We had less sex in the third trimester due to how big, heavy and plain uncomfortable my belly was making me. 

My back ached, my boobs were sore, and lying on my side for too long made my hip feel 100 years old. We’d still cuddle and joke, but most times I’d fall asleep shortly after.

After I gave birth, my sex life didn’t magically go back to normal either. Postpartum sex felt like starting from zero. My body is still healing from the C-section, and I’m trying to take things slow.

Strangely, postpartum sex feels similar to pregnancy sex. It requires a lot of intention — to carve out small pockets of time with each other, even if it’s just a few minutes before our baby cries.

We are still navigating the bumps (of all kinds) that come with parenthood. But I’m confident things will get better, slowly but surely.

*Name changed to protect privacy

Have a juicy sex confession to share? Drop us a line at sww@sph.com.sg, and we’ll figure out the rest.