6 Women Share Their Secrets to Keeping Their Marriage Strong
It's better to be prepared for the realities of married life so that you can keep your marriage strong and healthy
The first kiss, the first "I love you" and the walk down the aisle: These make up the picture of marital bliss for most of us. But why does it get harder as the years go by? According to a US study, the feel-good hormone, dopamine, is released when we first fall in love — which motivates us to go above and beyond in our relationship. After commitment, it is replaced with the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin, both of which keep us in "mate mode" — and naturally, the initial high of romance dies down. But being better prepared for the realities of married life can help you navigate your relationship with compassion and honesty. Read on to find out what six women do to keep their marriage going strong.
"I am a romantic at heart and have heard too many sad stories from friends about losing the passion after a couple of years. So, right from the get-go, my husband and I agreed to set a date night right for romance and conversation. This helped to strengthen our marriage. We have been married for almost 10 years now," shares Cecil Tan, who's in her late 30s and married to her school sweetheart.
Psychologists say that women are more aware and sexual and emotional satisfaction in a marriage is a part of this awareness.
"You need to be able to communicate honestly about your expectations about money, particularly if one of you earns less than the other or not working at all. The more open the dialogue, the fewer the misunderstandings," says Diana Mahmood, a stay-at-home of three shares. The earlier you have this conversation, the better — especially before kids come along.
"Don't lose yourself in being the mother. Despite how busy you get with the children's needs, remember to work on the emotional and physical intimacy in marriage," warns GG, who has three kids.
While this is easier said than done, setting aside scheduled me-time for yourself and your partner helps. Something as simple as a spa day gives you something to look forward to and enjoy on your own or as a couple.
"Marriage is hard work. It requires a lot of energy and consistency for any couple to sustain common goals and interests. Most of my girlfriends feel like they have lost their identity in their marriage as they are perpetually catering to the needs of their husbands and the children. I firmly believe that wives should start working on themselves first before trying to bring about world peace," says Kendris M, mother of five kids.
An easy way to continue pursuing your own interests is by picking up a skill on Udemy or Coursera. With such a wide range of online classes these days, there's no reason you shouldn't pursue your lifelong dream of learning Spanish or setting up a business.
When kids are already in the equation from a previous marriage, take some time to set expectations and think about what a shared family life would look like.
"You need to understand that in a second marriage, whether it's your second marriage or your spouse's second marriage, passion and romantic love will always take a backseat if children are involved. This is where you need to find new ways to approach the situation and evaluate if it's right for both of you before jumping on the bandwagon," shares Naz, who's currently married to a divorcee with two kids.
Experts say that in a marriage, you are not only an individual but also a couple. Naz firmly believes that you need to forget about power plays and manipulations - honesty is always the best option. Count on yourself, remain committed, but remember that each of you is entitled to your own opinion and has every right to pursue your own dreams and interests, adds Naz.
Text: Bauer/ Good Health/ Additional Reporting: Shenielle Aloysis