As much as some of us look forward to seeing family over Chinese New Year, others dread the thought of meeting nosey relatives who ask too many prying questions. Whether they’re inquiring about your plans to marry, reproduce or job-hunt, it can feel extremely annoying to brush off their insensitive – and persistent – line of questions.
Instead of stressing over these imminent questions, why not come back with your own witty replies? Here are some fun ones we suggest for the most commonly-asked questions from relatives over the Lunar New Year, that will stop your inquisitive aunties and uncles in their tracks without offending them:
This can be tricky to answer whether you’re steadfastly single, newly single, or in a relationship but with no wedding date in mind.
Avoid big declarations like “I don’t believe in marriage”, because you’ll only invite horrified looks and possible nagging about family values. Instead, joke, “Why, do you have someone in mind for me?” or point to your favourite treat on the table, saying, “Actually Auntie, your pineapple tarts are so good that I think I’ll marry them!”
Alas, you don’t escape the firing squad even if you’ve already wed. Chances are, your relatives will be dying to ask when you’re planning to have a baby; if you have a kid or two, they might even ask when you’re having another.
“I’ve already got a baby, hubby here does everything but poop his pants!” might be a good reply if you’re still unsure about your family planning. If you already have a child, direct the question to him, asking, “Hey kiddo, what do you think? Do you want another baby in the house?” If you have a baby who’s too young to talk, even better. Baby’s cute “goo-goo ga-ga” noises will distract everyone from further thoughts about Kid #2.
It’s bad enough that you haven’t lost your post-baby belly fat, or are still suffering the after-effects of your festive feasting. Being reminded of it by a scathing comment from a loose-tongued relative can unleash an avalanche of despair. You know you’ve piled on some extra pounds, and unfortunately it seems your new clothing has failed to hide that.
You’ll have to take the high road with this one, and laugh it off. Declare, “I’m starting a new tradition where the bigger my waistline is during Chinese New Year, the more prosperous my family will be!”
With the economy slowing down, lots of people are set to be retrenched, which can be devastating during Chinese New Year. Or maybe you happen to be between jobs at the moment, and are still contemplating your next move. It’s a popular belief that being out of work during the Lunar New Year is a bad omen for the year’s prospects and luck, and relatives can be very swift to remind you of that.
Instead of crumpling up in a heap, remind them of the one thing that’s more important to Chinese people than a job: Family. Go up to your parents, give them a big hug and say, “I do have a job; taking care of my parents to thank them for all the hard work they did in raising me for so many years!” With all the appreciative “aww”s that are sure to follow, you’ll go from being the jobless one to the incredibly filial one. Well done, you.
Let’s face it: You’re liable to get asked this question at any time of the year, but especially during Chinese New Year. Relatives love to compare you with your peers (their sons, daughters, and friends’ children), and may pry about how much your salary is, which is way too personal to divulge.
Very few people are comfortable sharing this information, particularly with relatives they hardly know. Evade the question of salary by being vague, or turn the whole issue into a gripe of your own. For example: “Actually, with all my CPF deductions I don’t even know how much I make anymore! It’s terrible how complicated this CPF thing is right? Uncle, you won’t be able to withdraw your CPF for a few more years too, yeah?” Sit back and watch as your nosey uncle launches into a predictable complaint about the nature of CPF, and nod sympathetically while you secretly giggle on the inside.
There will always be grandmothers, grandmother’s sisters, and mothers-in-law trying to fatten us up. They’re always encouraging everyone to eat. They’re also more likely to comment on how skinny you look and how much more you should be eating.
You could give a few different excuses, for instance being on diet, or suddenly developing a gluten allergy. But the best approach is to take the food out of the relative’s hands and say you’ll help distribute it.
Some relatives just love to compare you with your siblings and sometimes, your long-lost cousins. Even though its highly inappropriate to compare individuals like this, you can bet these comparisons will continue among many families because competitive aunties can’t help but compare their kids’ achievements with you.
Try to change the conversation from what you’ve achieved to how much you love your parents. Talk about the vacation you went on together or how often you visit home. While typical kiasu parents seem to care only about achievements, deep down they actually crave for intimacy with their children.
Most of your aunties and uncles are on social media now and they’re wondering why you haven’t responded to their friend request. This happens to everyone, and its highly invasive when you don’t want you relatives knowing about every detail of your life.
You could lie and say something generic like “Oh, I don’t use Facebook anymore lah Auntie!”, or you could feign innocence and says you didn’t see their request. The latter comes with an opening for the relative in question to tell you to accept right now in front of them. Alternatively, be upfront. Tell them you just don’t feel comfortable sharing this aspect of your life with them and hope they understand.
A lot of older relatives don’t mean to be judgy when they find out you have kids and a full-time job. In the past, societal norms dictated that mums stay at home to raise their kids and dads will work to earn a living for the family. This doesn’t apply to modern families anymore and it’s easy to be snarky in response by saying something like “Oh, you’re so old fashioned auntie”.
Instead, you can gently explain that times are different now and a lot of women have commitments outside of family that are equally as important. Remind them that because of your job, your kid gets to learn things like responsibility and the value of work. If you’re really annoyed and want to guilt trip them in return, slip in something like, “Anyway Auntie, if I didn’t work then I couldn’t afford to give you such a generous ang pow right?” and watch them squirm uncomfortably away.
Ultimately though, remember that while there may be annoying relatives with annoying questions on CNY, at the end of the day there are still family!