Primary schools have reverted back to home-based learning (HBL) from Sep. 27, 2021 to Oct. 7, 2021, and if you have a child at this level, you may be concerned about their wellbeing during this time.
It’s not easy learning from home, your child may experience fear, anxiety, and isolation due to the ever-changing situation. Their studies and social lives may be impacted, and they may find themselves feeling lost.
To help you help your child during this confusing time, we spoke to Yuyun Tan, a child therapist from Psychology Blossom, and John Shepherd Lim, Chief Wellbeing Officer of the Singapore Counselling Centre, to get some tips and insight on how your child might be feeling and what you can do.
With the constant change in learning environments, there is now a lack of consistency in children’s lives. There is no structure for the brain to settle on and they are not able to function at their best. Mr Lim notes that “students who are not yet adept in time management skills might find themselves discouraged by the amount of work left uncompleted, and by the topics they do not understand”.
Not only that, but Ms Yuyun shares that parents may be influencing their child’s feelings as well. If you or anyone else in the family is feeling frustrated by the constant change in regulations, your child may feed off that energy and will start to feel the same way.
Ms Yuyun encourages parents to set a consistent routine for their children. “There are routines that still need to be put in place,” she says, such as the necessary wake-up routine of brushing their teeth, washing up, etc. This gives structure to their day that is similar to going to school.
If your child is afraid because they can’t keep track of their progress in school, you can ask them to give you updates on their learning. “In explaining some of these concepts to parents, it can become clear to the students what they know and what they do not,” says Mr Lim.
It’s also important to talk with your child with the intention to listen. If you sit down with your child to talk about their feelings, Ms Yuyun would like to emphasise that “just talking without the intention to actually listen compassionately can be very dangerous”. To make sure that you are emotionally available for your child, you can apply self-care to yourself first.
Ms Yuyun likens emotions to a cup of water: “We can’t fill a cup when it’s completely full”. So, making sure you yourself are taken care of will allow you to properly listen to your child and understand their feelings better.
Mr Lim also urges parents to talk to their child about their hopes and goals. If you do so, this will help by your child by “breaking down large goals into small, everyday steps leading up to it”, making it less overwhelming for your child.
According to a research journal, prolonged isolation can negatively impact one’s emotional health.
Humans are social beings, and if your child can’t have fun with others, “they’re missing out on the social aspect that is going to help them grow”, says Ms Yuyun. In turn, children can feel disconnected and isolated from their friends.
When asked if arranging online sessions with their friends will help a child feel less lonely, Ms Yuyun answered with “definitely”. But she cautions against doing this for your child without their permission as they may feel like you are intruding on their privacy. Instead, sit down with your little one and go through possible ways to connect with their friends. From there, you can offer ways to help your child that will respect their wishes.
Ms Yuyun also suggests arranging meet-ups with your child’s friends under the new regulations.
Mr Lim responded similarly, says that “parents could have a conversation on identifying 2 friends whom the child is most comfortable with” and then invite them for one-on-one physical meet-ups.
“The online space in and of itself carries many distractions,” says Mr Lim, who points towards the ability to toggle between many screens and social media as prime culprits.
His views are similar to Ms Yuyun, who says the method of learning online itself is the issue. Staring at the computer screen for hours without proper interaction with their teachers and peers can tire children, causing them to zone out. She says that it’s the same with adults:
“As adults, even if we listen to our boss talk, and talk, and talk, we also zone out.”
Ms Yuyun suggests that parents insert moments of self-care into a child’s schedule. It does not have to be anything too complicated. In fact, she suggests “a drink of water every 15 to 30 minutes” or some jumping jacks to break up the constant learning. By doing so, your child will have moments in between learning to relax, allowing them to focus better.
Alternatively, Mr Lim recommends watching over younger children in the living room to make sure they are listening to their classes. Older children may benefit from a more outcome-based approach, such as “checking in to ensure that homework is done on time, and having short conversations about subjects or chapters they’ve learnt about.”
There are significant differences between HBL and in-school learning. One of these differences is how a child can reach out to a teacher. In school, it’s only a matter of raising your hand to ask a question. Online, though, things are different, and children may not have the coping mechanisms to approach their teachers.
Mr Lim believes that HBL “makes children feel less connected to their teachers and friends in general”. This means that your child may be feeling a barrier between themselves and their teachers.
Ms Yuyun advises parents to “find out how different it is in class and how did [your child] ask their teacher” in school. From there, work to understand what your child is struggling with. Do they have the means to reach their teacher? Has the teacher not replied to them? Brainstorm ideas with them to help them feel confident in reaching out and offer support if needed.
However, Ms Yuyun discourages parents from asking the teacher on their child’s behalf. She says that “it’s not that the child isn’t creative, it’s that they don’t know how or what they need to do”. Allowing your child to come up with their own solutions will lessen their dependency on you and allow them to grow independently.
Mr Lim also points out that instead of accepting a promise from your child that they will approach their teacher, “you could ask the child about when they feel would be most appropriate to approach the teacher, how he is going to ask the teacher for help, and what questions he will ask the teacher about”. This way, you will be able to make sure your child has an action plan to ask their questions.
With HBL, children are at home almost 24/7 with the rest of the family. While this can be a good thing, this can be tough for children in primary school. They are at an age where they are discovering themselves and a lack of privacy may disrupt that.
Ms Yuyun encourages parents to give their child their own space. Give your child a time where they don’t have to be a student or a child, but rather, be themselves and connect with who they are.
You can give them time to themselves in their room where you make it clear to the family not to disturb them.
Relationships outside of the family allow children to develop social abilities that help them grow as people.
However, Ms Yuyun says that “as much as we can try to replicate the environment by supplementing toys, it’s still the interaction with their peers in relationships where they start to find ways to elevate conflict, where they start to use their voice”.
While it’s not possible to replicate your child’s interaction with peers their age, Ms Yuyun points out that “now is actually a great time where parents can also interact with their child”. She recommends playing with your child and watching them grow as this is a rare opportunity.
She reminds you to “connect with the child in their world, not the child connect with you in your world”. So, allow your child to play as they like and accompany them instead of forcing them to play a certain way.