I Left My Job To Be A Full-Time Foster Mum
“Every child deserves to grow up in a loving and secure environment,” says first-time foster parent Hemavathi Sandran.
By Hemavathi Sandran as told to Ng Mei Yan -
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At 39, Hemavathi Sandran did something most of us wouldn’t do: she quit her full-time corporate job to be a full-time foster parent. The decision baffled her family at first, but her conviction won out. Hema shares what drives her unconventional motherhood journey.
I never imagined that my entire life would end up revolving around a tiny toddler. But here we are — close to a year into our first foster placement.
Mila* came to my husband and me in September 2024. She was just nine months old then, tiny and cautious.
Today, she’s an outgoing little girl, curious about everything and everyone she comes across. It is surreal to look back and see how far we have come since our application to be foster parents back in December 2023.
Watch the video as Hema shares her foster parenting journey.
A decision that was a long time coming
I never had any desire to have my own biological children, not when there are so many other kids out there who need warm loving families but don’t have them.
Since I was young, I’ve always felt disturbed seeing children who are abandoned or come from vulnerable backgrounds. I believe every child deserves to grow up in a loving and secure environment. As I see it, many problems in society are triggered by childhood trauma.
When I got married, I made it a priority to foster children instead of having my own. Thankfully, my husband was on board with it. He’s also cognizant of how differently kids can turn out from how they are raised.
We initially thought of adopting but ended up applying to be foster parents in December 2023 after serendipitously seeing an advertisement online.
To be approved, we went through several rounds of screenings — financial, psychological and medical — and interviews. We also did two rounds of respite care, whereby we homed an older child for between a few days and two weeks.
Everything was on track, but we needed our family’s buy-in. After all, it takes a village to raise a child.
For a start, they were unfamiliar with the concept of fostering. After finding out that the child would eventually leave us for his or her biological parents, they were concerned that we would not be able to handle the heartbreak.
But they came around eventually, and were instrumental in our care of Mila when she finally arrived.
There’s no rule book in parenting
Being a mother for the first time is something that nothing ever quite prepares you for; fostering just adds complexity to the task.
The day Mila set foot in our home, the unfamiliar faces put her on guard. She refused food and drink, and did not want to be held. It was a challenging day that required us to be mindful in all our actions.
What a relief when she started warming up to me by the same night — progress at last! By giving her space and time to adjust, Mila gradually became comfortable with everyone in our family.
We were lucky that my parents moved in with me for the first two months to show me the ropes of caring for a baby, from bathing to food preparation.
My sister who works in Kuala Lumpur drives here almost every month to visit and provide an extra pair of hands. This means a lot to me.
My husband has been a hands-on partner throughout the whole process. We even moved across the island so he could be nearer his workplace and spend more time with Mila.
He’s a wonderful playmate to our foster daughter, and would also take her walking and cycling around our neighbourhood.
Why I left my full-time job
As many working parents do, we enrolled Mila in a childcare centre and tried to balance our jobs with parenting.
It wasn’t long before I realised that the rushed mornings and harried evening pick-ups were not going to be sustainable. I finally experienced the mum guilt that everyone talks about. When I had to leave my crying child at infant care, I felt like a cruel person.
Three months after Mila came into our lives, I decided to quit my HR job to become a full-time foster parent. It was one of the best decisions I’ve made for our family.
Now, I get to take my days at a slower pace with Mila. After she wakes up in the morning, we indulge in cuddle time. She goes to preschool for two hours and comes home at midday to nap. We would then spend the afternoon playing outdoors or at the library before dinner. My husband would be back in time to help with her wind-down routine.
I feel emotionally balanced with this way of life — it gives me more opportunities to bond with my foster daughter. This also allows Mila to be in a relaxed environment at her young age.
Discovering a new side of myself
The transition from a full-time childless corporate employee to a full-time foster parent was jarring though I have no complaints. Since having Mila in my life, I’ve transformed into a different person. I never knew I had it in me to be so patient and mentally flexible.
I used to be the kind who wouldn’t be able to function without a full eight hours of sleep. I’m surprised at how I’ve been functioning with broken sleep over the last 10 months! I’ve also memorised and mastered a vast repertoire of children’s songs and lullabies I’d not even heard of months ago.
My whole life revolves around Mila.
Now that I’m a parent, I’m also starting to feel my mother’s own pain of raising me. As a child, I was a picky eater with a small appetite. And Mila is similar to me in that regard!
Every single meal, I have to explore different ways to interest her palate. It doesn’t matter if I’ve spent hours making a dish — Mila will not hesitate to spit everything out if she doesn’t like it.
Of course, amid the tough parenting days, we hold every one of her milestones close to heart — her first steps, first tooth and her first word, which was “flower” — so fitting as she loves being in nature.
Every child should grow up with love
We know that Mila will inevitably leave us at some point. She has been meeting with her biological parents weekly as we work towards gradual reunification.
But we have always been prepared for this day. No matter the length of time we have with her, our aim has been to provide the care she needs so she doesn’t miss out on parental love at this vulnerable age.
To us, Mila is our first child and has given us much more than what we can ever provide for her. She will always hold a special place in our hearts.
*Name has been changed for privacy.
Curious about foster parenting? Check out the Fostering Open House 2025 organised by the Ministry of Social and Family Development (MSF) where you can get your questions answered. The event will be on August 23 (Saturday) from 9.30am to 2pm at Suntec Convention and Exhibition Centre, Summit 2 at Level 3.
This story is part of The Singapore Women’s Weekly’s FOMO (Family Of My Own) series, where we celebrate inspiring young couples who are redefining the Singapore family dream. Know someone who fits the bill? Drop us a line at sww@sph.com.sg.