7 Ways To Ask For Help With The Housework - No Nagging Needed

When both you and your husband are exhausted from the demands of work and keeping up with the kids, housework can feel like a drag and be a topic of real contention. “Why can’t he just do it without me asking?” Does this ring a bell? If it doesn’t, lucky you! Many men (and women) today are progressive enough to do their fair share of the housework without being prompted on most days. But if your partner needs a little - or a big - nudge to do more around the home, here are tips from mummies on how you can get him to roll up his sleeves, pronto.

1. Treat the chore like a problem to be solved

Oh how some men love the thought of solving their lady’s problems! Maybe your choice of words when asking for help may do the trick. Instead of “Can you please mop the floor?”, how about “There are some stains on the floor I don’t have time to clean.”? 

Or when the sink is full of dishes: “The dirty plates in the sink are starting to smell.” And when the dirty laundry is starting to pile up, try: “Can you find any more new socks in your drawer? They might be held up in the basket.” 

These should be quite clear hints to them about what needs to be done. 

2. Make the chore entertaining

Want to make housework less painless for both of you? Throw in some entertainment to make the chore less tiresome and draining as you do it together. 

“Changing sheets, folding clothes and vacuuming… we can do them all while watching Netflix!” Shaza, 29, an event manager, describes her weekly cleaning routine with her husband. Treating time-consuming chores as the perfect opportunity to catch up on shows flips your perspective so it becomes an activity to look forward to.

3. Remove the word 'help' from your vocabulary

By asking your spouse to "help" with the housework, it insinuates that the chore is your responsibility and he is doing you a favour by doing it. Instead, be direct about what needs to be done in the household that day: “Dear, fold the laundry today.” or “Dear, can you wash the dishes please?” No need to mince your words! 

“Household chores are everyone's work.” Shima, an educator and mummy to three kids aged 5, 11 and 15, shares this sentiment. It is important that everyone in the family understands that housework should be a natural part of everyone's daily or weekly routine, rather than something extra or out of the norm.

4. Be open about how you feel 

Wear your heart on your sleeves. Verbally express how you feel about certain things not done. 

“I feel stressed just looking at our room!” is a line that Jing Ting, 38, and a mother of a 2-year-old and a 4-year-old, might say to her husband whenever she thinks their room’s getting out of whack. 

This is brilliant for good days when you think your partner has a little more mental space to figure out what he needs to do without explicit instruction. It can also help emphasise your need for him to do more: "I am feeling overwhelmed by the clutter. Could you clean up this mess while I do the dishes?"

5. Do the work together

Teamwork makes the dream work. This is especially helpful for chores that are laborious and back-breaking—wiping the ceiling fans, changing the bedsheets or mopping the floors. 

With a gentle reminder that all these take a much shorter time with two pairs of hands, you can bet that he’s more willing to help out - especially when the two of you can move on to more fun activities after such as heading out for dinner and drinks. 

6. Play to your strengths

Ade, a 38-year-old project manager and mummy to two boys aged five and eight, splits the work with her husband according to what they enjoy and are good at. 

Husband’s quick with grocery shopping and good at cooking? Let him do it! You’d rather clean the rooms and do the laundry? Sure, you can be the queen in those domains. This way, most chores can be done well and efficiently and everyone's sanity kept intact.

7. Get him to sponsor smart appliances and services

If all else fails, get him to part with his money. Appliances that can make life a lot easier include robotic floor cleaners, laundry dryers and dishwashers. When these machines take over, you and your partner can put up your feet and spend some quality time together instead. Alternatively, you could invest in a weekly part-time cleaning service or tap on laundry service providers for bulky items like bedsheets.