When On/Offline Worlds Collide: How We Can Keep Kids Safer On The Internet

As a highly-sensitive child, starting new schools was hard for me. My parents had been working overseas when I was born so I didn't start school in Singapore until I was 11. I was always desperate to make friends and find a group, so I was devastated when one wrong "social" move made me a total pariah to the girls in the class for a whopping three months.

But all this happened in a time before the Internet and data plans and handphones were commonplace. And the worst that happened was I had to spend my breaks reading comic books. The girls eventually gave up on cold-warring and we all moved on. And even though as an adult, I still look back on that incident vaguely traumatised, there's nothing from the event save for some sad memories.

Today, kids are exposed to the Internet at a young age - from screen time to home-based learning, or even through their parents' use of social media. It can in some cases be non-stop. And while no doubt the ease of moving around the Internet has been beneficial in many ways, in others it can be quite dangerous.

“I became interested in cyber safety when my kids were younger,” says Nina Bual, founder of Cyberlite Books, a company specialising in cybersafety and digital wellbeing for kids. “I often turned to Youtube to entertain them when I had work to do. I would sit them infront of a BBC channel and believed I had found a safe and trustworthy show that would give me a respite. My kids, though, would click away from the chosen content and end up viewing recommendations, often full of ads, even adult content. It dawned on me that I was not parenting my child at this stage. Technology and its motivations had taken over.” From there, Nina did more research into the role technology and the Internet played in the lives of children, and in her words, “ended up down a rabbit hole researching online harm and how we could work to reduce the dangers and ensure our kids were empowered and safe online.”

Cyberlite Books specialises in identifying key topics children need to understand about Internet safety and teaching them to understand what they must do to stay empowered and safe.

“In Singapore, we are lucky that our offline world is incredibly secure. But we cannot afford to believe this is true of the internet,” she says. “58% of crime in Singapore is cyber-related; according to a recent Sunlight Alliance for Action study, nearly half of Singaporeans and permanent residents aged 15 have been subjected to cyberbullying. A child’s cyber world is global not local, and the risks are therefore the same as child sitting anywhere else in the world unless we protect them.”

Simran Toor, CEO Of SG Her Empowerment (SHE) was also part of the Sunlight Alliance for Action study. Her experience with it was one of the reasons she has made tackling online harms SHE’s first key project. “In the course of the [study], it quickly became clear that online harms are an urgent issue, yet many victims do not know how to seek help and therefore do not report incidents of harm,” she says. “Some do not even know that they are facing a harmful situation online, because such conduct has become almost normalised.” Some examples of this include cyberbullying, phishing scams, and even ransomware attacks on schools.

“Girls and women nowadays live out every aspect of their lives online (working, studying, socialising, dating, eating etc.), so we do not view this as a niche issue, but rather as one that has become a priority because of our modern-day digitalised lifestyles.”

With this in mind, the SHECARES@SCWO centre was set up as Singapore’s first one-stop centre for victims or survivors of online harms. A safe space with counselling and pro bono assistance, the centre is open to all, but has a particular focus on girls and women as SHE believes women are disproportionately targeted. The centre also welcomes children but in order for them to benefit the most, they need to seek help together with a trusted adult.

SHE also works with Palo Alto Networks, a cybersecurity firm, to come up with ways to improve children and parents’ understanding of internet safety.

“Parents need to worry about how children today view their online and offline lives. Unlike adults, who can view their online and offline lives as separate spheres, children tend to combine these two worlds. Many cyber villains use social media or chat rooms to connect with young children, often befriending them by setting up fake profiles and pretending to be their age,” cautions Claribel Chai, Country Director, Singapore of Palo Alto Networks. “Another thing parents need to worry about is the extent to which cyberbullying affects children, especially from a mental health standpoint.”

Adds Nina, “Today, a parent will spend less than an hour in the lifetime of a child talking about internet safety, and if we tally how many hours our children are online, we can concur it's simply not enough. It is important that parents stay on top of the online risk and parent online as we do offline.” 

All the experts we spoke to agree that communication is one of the most important parts of ensuring your child stays safe on the Internet. “Establishing open and honest lines of communication with children is key to protecting them from online dangers. By having regular conversations with your children about their favourite apps or what they like doing online, parents can not only gauge their children’s online activity, but can also build trust,” says Claribel. 

But if something does go wrong, it’s important to maintain a non-judgemental attitude and keep the lines of communication. “Putting any blame on the child (e.g. “why on earth would you talk to a stranger?”) could cause them to shut down and refrain from sharing future challenges with you in the future.”

Simran emphasises the importance of collecting evidence of the cyber situation. “Take screenshots of the online conduct or exchanges concerned,” she suggests. “This helps you to plan your next move and support your child’s case if it needs to be reported.” 

Want to get started talking to your child about internet safety? Here’s how to begin:

• Take an inventory of where your children roam online, how long they spend on particular apps, who they speak to, what they see who they are influenced by. 
• Ensure all the apps they use know their age through the safety settings, so the apps treat them as children, not exposing them to adult content. 
• Disable chat settings, and speak to your children about digital etiquette and the importance of being kind online.
• making sure all devices are protected with the latest software updates and strong passwords 
• -be careful what you access or allow on open Wi-Fi networks, keeping a computer just for kids in a visible area, and stop using technology when talking to your kids, and look them in the eye. 
• It is important to teach children to treat people with respect and kindness, and to be wary of strangers. Sitting down together with family members to discuss these kinds of scams and risks creates a better understanding of the security environment and fosters a sustainable cyberculture within families.
• Finally, adults need to behave on the internet in the same manner you would want your kids to behave.”

It’s important to remember that online bullying can be very distressing for a child, so parents can serve as an important pillar of strength in this difficult time. “Preserving the child’s sense of agency is part of this,” notes Simran. “Talk to your child to find out if they are OK with you bringing up the matter to their school, taking action via the internet platform or legal means.”

“Fostering a safe space where honesty won’t be punished and ensuring that there is a comfort zone for the child to admit if they have gotten into trouble on social media or losing control of an account plays a critical role in mitigating damage,” says Claribel. 

In writing this story, what I found most interesting is how experts emphasise the need for children to see themselves as autonomous and independent – something we as parents want to teach them as much as possible (in an age-appropriate way). Naturally it makes sense that if the internet is going to be such a big part of our lives going forward (I am as guilty as anyone of being on my phone more often than not), children should be taught that they should be as cautious online as they are around strangers in person. I wholeheartedly encourage my young child to be wary of strangers when we're out, now that is something I shall continue to do when she's old enough to type or toggle.